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Original poster

Financial Abuse - AlmostFreeMo - Part 4

997 replies

AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 06:51

Next Fred...

OP posts:
Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 27/05/2016 14:22

FuckItMo - bring it on! I bet it's only cos it's Friday. But who cares, it's Friday and I am saying fuck it.

I'm going to see if I can set up an email divert so they go straight into a folder marked Prick and stop contaminating my inbox.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 27/05/2016 14:36

Great Idea!

In fact you could just email back. "I'll tell the DC that we aren't doing anything over half term then as their abusive father deems them unworthy of any having any outings or lunches when they are not at school. I shan't bother asking again."

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 27/05/2016 14:44

I'm going to see if I can set up an email divert so they go straight into a folder marked Prick and stop contaminating my inbox.

Excellent idea! It's where those mails belong. And by doing it you're going to remind yourself as you open that folder 'whatever is in here was written by a prick' and get detachment from it before you even start reading.

mix56 · 27/05/2016 14:53

Mo, I have been so busy, but do check in to see how you are. Keep chivvying the money people, (coz don't know who pays what) call them frequently, tell them you are trying to survive on X, & failing. tell them it is desperate (feel no shame, they don't know you, you don't know them. You are just a name on a screen.) tell the mediator woman, that waiting is giving him increasing games to play.
Meanwhile the w/e, & half term approaches, & I hope you do manage to go & picnic, or ride bikes or something.
Don't set up the Skype unless the Dcs ask for it. Don't reply to his mails, let him stew. Imagine his wrath, (o the joy !)
re doing something when you are lonely. I am learning Italian on line. I love it !!! My app is free ! You really have to concentrate & I forget everything else while I'm learning !
KOKO

Pocketsprocket · 27/05/2016 14:59

If you're short of funds, perhaps you could get together some non essential items purchased with family funds (golf clubs for instanceWink) and pawn them until he has paid you all the child maintenance you are due. (Then take the rest of his stuff to his parents for them to look after).

Pocketsprocket · 27/05/2016 15:03

And don't forget your child benefit claim as well, if you haven't already.

mamas12 · 27/05/2016 18:43

Hello mo just wanted to add my support your shitex is an appalling example of a man
Anyway, your supermarket card, can he he use it, or can he take the money back off it?
I'm only asking as when you stop communicating with him and you start receiving benefits would you still use the card? Would he notice that you are not using it and could you use it for other items and not just food ie electricals toys travel???

Please divert his emails and just read them when you are ready to read them and stop communicating with him stop giving more ammunition for him to beat you with
I know you want him to know how much his action affect you but he is quite clearly enjoying this situation he's created so just stop playing

DoreenLethal · 27/05/2016 19:31

Fuck it Mo. Sell the fridge.

PhoenixReisling · 27/05/2016 19:38

KickassMo....you rock!

I am loving the idea of forwarding all his emails to a folder named prick Grin

Grumpyoldblonde · 28/05/2016 09:39

Good morning Mo, I hope you slept and managed to have a relaxing evening.
I notice it is nearly time for a new thread, goodness, will that be number 4 or 5?
I hope the next will be the 'home stretch'

Any plans for today?

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 28/05/2016 10:23

Good morning all! I feel like I've had a bit of a eureka moment.

Not only is not showing prick features how he's affecting me one of the best things I can do (and thanks again for the advice about that) but even better: ACTUALLY genuinely having a good time and not even thinking about him - now there is the best revenge EVER.

I had a fabulous afternoon and evening yesterday, all kids-related, but mixed with friends and activities, possibly a drink was involved too, but I genuinely had a great time and feel high because of it. Now, I imagine the scenario with him in it. He would have been stressing me out. Making some fuss about not being able to look after the youngest because she was too young for one of the things yesterday, or not wanting to give us a lift, or being difficult and wanting to go out with his friends anyway, or come but nag about wanting to go home, or had some problem with someone there who he didn't like or been desperate to go home to watch something, or because he needed to be in bed early to get up early the next day for some other selfish non family related thing...but PFFF, remove him from the scenario altogether, I'm autonomous, I decide when I want to go, stay, have freedom, can chat to whoever, can make plans for next week woot him getting his oar in. Wonderful. Amazing. A revelation.

Don't worry, I will come down from my high probably....but damn it, why the hell should I??? I love it up here. It's pretty awesome.---- Swear to god this high is all naturelle Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 28/05/2016 10:24

Woot? Without. But I quite like woot too.

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ElspethFlashman · 28/05/2016 10:29

Ah the heady nectar of being able to stay at things as long as you like.....pretty sweet, isn't it? Grin

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 28/05/2016 10:38

Absolutely bloody fantastic. I'm dishing out the cliches, but it's like finding myself again. I swear. How could I have been so repressed for so long? How can a man do that to you! Anyway, I recognise it now and I know what I want. I know that what I want is so much better than what I had even if it's going to be harder.

I hope I don't sound like a loon Blush

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rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 28/05/2016 10:41

Woot! As a celebratory yell that works quite well!

Reading your description of him .... gawd, you have the patience of a saint. It must have been like having another child. An overtired toddler or a sulky and very hormonal teenager kind of child.

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 28/05/2016 10:43

You don't sound like a loon at all! Clear, assertive, positive, energised... those are words that come to mind Smile It's lovely to hear you starting to find those feelings!

Atenco · 28/05/2016 10:48

Brilliant realisation, Mo!

Anytime I wanted someone to discuss a problem with my dd, the normal things of marriage, I would visualise my ex, imagine his totally unhelpful comments and remember that there are much worse things than being alone.

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 28/05/2016 10:54

Rumbling...yes, the fourth child...of course it's much easier now because I only have three, and in fact, it's much easier to reason with them than with him. And that's not even a joke!

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OrlandaFuriosa · 28/05/2016 11:02

Excellent! Glad it was such a good time..

Print this out, laminate it, and carry it round with you or stick on your wall.

Honestly, if this is what he was like, not just about money, the sooner you can't see him for dust, the better. And money is an enabler, but you can have a lot of fun without much...

notonyurjellybellynelly · 28/05/2016 11:23

Mo I'm glad you had a lovely day.

I read your post and thought bloody hell we were married to the same kind of man in so many respects because it's just the other day when my 6th grandchild was born that my daughter said - thank god dad wasn't here because we could at least enjoy this without his antics and him having to be the main consideration in it all.

In fact I can recall the first big family lunch I had a couple of weeks after we separated and 4 hours later we were all still around the table having a great time but if he'd been there he would have gone up for his siesta after half an hour and left us all as flat as pancakes.

I bloody well love him not being considered in every part of our wakening day.

I know my husband is a sociopath and perhaps even a psychopath but two of my children suspect he's on the spectrum (the lack of empathy is confusing them) and it is a distinct possibility given the history of autism in our/his family but the fact is that a label doesn't matter. He is who he is and we're happier without him.

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 28/05/2016 11:24

I was talking to a friend I haven't seen in ages last week and she is a very strong, knows what she wants, won't take any shit type of girl. So we were talking and I suddenly realised and said to her: you would NEVER have taken any of his shit if it had been you. You'd have never just been placid and a total doormat like me, you'd have never said yes of course dear, you go away for the weekend while I'm 35 weeks pregnant with a toddler at home, and you go off somewhere every single weekend for six hours at a time - sure! And she has a very lovely, non-doormat type of husband btw. They are both just...normal and do stuff for each other to take the pressure off each other. Not one piling the pressure all on to the other as in my case.

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Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 28/05/2016 11:30

Jelly - exP definitely has various traits of various disorders, but I can't find one that he fits totally. And I'll never know. And I don't care - unless I spot the same signs in any of my children - which so far not. So he can have his money and his quirks and misery and leave us well alone. He won't care any way as he doesn't want the same things we do so we're all better off like this. Win win, no?

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Atenco · 28/05/2016 12:21

Indeed, Mo.

I think, as much as possible, you should aim to have a life where you do not depend on the money he sends or does not send. I know that is an ideal, but the closer you eventually get to that situation, the less brain-space you will have to give him.

HamletsSister · 28/05/2016 12:43

It it wrong that I am almost cheering for NewMo?

Well done you. Every post is you being stronger and stronger.

mix56 · 28/05/2016 13:57

You have made it out of the FOG, Hooray,
Once he cannot cause you any pain, the rest is organising money... it won't be easy but at least it won't hurt anymore. You won't try & explain, or understand, or hope. He is fucking history emotionally, & that is a really good thing !
Yes he will still make you angry, but it's easier that pain.