Financial Abuse - AlmostFreeMo - Part 4

[AlmostFreeMo]

Next Fred...

Still didn't mean he had to stick to it
And he didn't
Not even court orders for access that HE wanted, or rather turned out he didn't really want when it came to having them

I got an attachment of earnings eventually for child maintenance. At that point he left his job and hasn't worked, unless for cash, since. There are no lengths he won't go to. It's been 11 years since we divorced

Sorry to be the voice of doom, but it might not be the answer you want it to be

Christ, Dolly, what horrors you've been through, I'm so sorry.
How on earth do you get away with not following court orders? Didn't he get fined or something for being in contempt of court? Surely you can't just not follow them and that's it?!
The one thing with ex-P is that he is far too proud, cares far too much about his reputation and image and I can't imagine him stepping down from his position just to avoid parental responsibility. But he's already stooped so low with his behaviour I don't know what to expect next. It's frightening someone can go that far just to spite someone else.

The Non resident parent has no penalty to for not having the dc. Only the resident parent if they withhold it.

He'd have them, knowing I was going away for the weekend, and dump them back. Had to call my dad once whilst in my way to London to go and get them

The lengths that man will go to, to affect me in some way, know no limit. I don't talk to him or have any contact with him at all

I sincerely hope your ex manages to act with a bit more class than mine

I'm taking time away from the PC this week, just wanting to quickly say KOKO

I know you don't want to relocate but if you can go in the summer I really think you should, it takes so much of the power away from him. I think he will do everything he can to get you out the house and he has the money to do it and can stall and stress you out for possible years.

When the DC ask why you have to move "Because Daddy won't let us stay in our house so we don't have a choice but to sell it" Do not sugar the truth.

That's absolutely terrible Dolly. I'm shocked that even after mediation, solicitors, courts, they can still get away with so much crap. You strong, strong woman you.

Thanks Random. It's too much for me to contemplate moving area right now but certainly looking for a new home is one thing I'll do as soon as I have some money coming in.

Stay strong mo, don't have much more to add, everyone seems to have said everything. Just wanted you to know I'm still thinking of you, and check back daily to see if he is still a fuckwit, which he very much still is!

Was talking to a friend today who has a friend trying to divorce her ex. Even though she has the DC, works and he doesn't even have a job so not even paying CM, he's threatening to claim some money from her if she tries to divorce him. There are so many fuckwits around it's terrifying.

Anyhow, mentally feeling much better today. Bloody fuckwits and mood swings.

yes plenty of fuckwits! I was in court today and my unemployed (but usually earns about GBP 200K tax free) is asking me for spousal maintenance!!

He pays no maintenance and I have no money after supporting the children for the past nearly a year.

But does that make any difference - it does appear they can literally do what they want. the law is very slow and limited in its powers.

so just do what works for you - you have to get yourself through this and i really am sure you will, you've done so well so far!!

its good he has pride which might make him pay up - mine is utterly shameless!!!

WTF Donners, please tell me he won't see a penny? I'm gobsmacked.

These men are usually deluded - whatever narrative he has in his head he truly believes Mo. There's no point in telling him any different. You will find a way to deal with it, but at arms length.

It took me years to learn how to deal with my ex. I just don't have any communication with him unless it's urgent about the dc. He's blocked on my phone, so can't call or text. Emails I can just ignore.

My kids joke about me being to blame for everything, they ignore his vicious rants about me as much as they can. I don't talk about him at all.

Been thinking about his emails about deducting money from future payments . Why don't you respond that it doesn't matter because what he is paying you now is only part payment against the child maintenance he should be paying you since date if separation. The amount you should have paid to date is £x. You have only paid £x so you owe me £x. And update every time you have to email him. It might take the wind out of his sails when he is trying to wind you up and he thinks he is being clever.

Is there any way your solicitor can apply to have any arrears deducted from proceeds of sale when you come to sell the house?

Pocket...it will be water off a duck's back, it's just an email from me and therefore is meaningless to him! Good point though, about finding out about back payments of maintenance, hadn't thought of that.

But oh-oh...it seems I have 3/4 good days followed by a spectacular low and I can feel the nose dive happening right now. I hate this feeling, because it tends to get worse and worse until it can't get any worse and then I know my mood will lift again. I can't control it though and that's the worst part.
I crave company sometimes so badly, and even a friend saying they're not sure when they can do something/cancelling/changing a date can really affect me. Not having anything planned really gets me down. I need to fill my diary or I will just plummet. Could really do without bloody half term.

Hi Mo, still here reading and cheering you on from the side-lines.
Your mood swings are normal but very draining on you. I have no advice to add but wanted to let you know I am still on team Mo.

Thank you Grumpy

I hate this feeling, because it tends to get worse and worse until it can't get any worse and then I know my mood will lift again

I think the key thing from this sentence is the end bit.

You KNOW your mood will lift again so waiting it out will see you right.

Can you remember back, it wasn't that long ago you never thought you'd feel happy again, now you know you will and this is just a cycle.

What could be interesting is tracking this cycle. You have your highs and your lows but as time goes on you'll be able to see that those lows don't last as long and aren't so deep because you know there'll be an end to them to look forward to.

I reckon that's pretty positive actually.

I don't post so much anymore because you've got a good support network of people who know how you feel. I'm watching your thread though just in case I can contribute anything sensible.

Keep going Mo, your reward is your next high

Someone on another thread said they always had three things to cheer themselves with,

One immediate, make myself a cup of tea
One short term, do some knitting while I watch TV
One longer term, go swimming some time, eat the emergency chocolate.

I find that helpful. And exercise works for most people, though not for me.

Thinking of you.

Thanks Joy, and Orlanda. Thanks for following me and keeping tabs on me.

Next week is going to be very tough for me for various reasons and I'm dreading it.
I'm feeling crap as I type and while I'm aware it's just a mood thing, the anticipation of next week is not helping. I'll get over it, what else can I tell myself.

I need to do one of those lock myself in the loo screams but kids are all asleep so can't even do that!
I need to go and listen to something positive or uplifting or funny. Right now!

Xx

It's no wonder you're feeling down if you know next week is going to be challenging.

When do you anticipate this to over and your upward bounce to begin?

Ok, to cheer up you up, my husband's worst/best joke. Only works if you know there used to be a whisky called white horse..

White horse goes into a bar. Asks for a pint. Barman taken aback but determined not to show it, pulls him one. Hands it over. Then says,
" Excuse me, but did you know there was a drink called after you?"
"Really ?" Says the horse in surprise, "what, Eric?"

It grows on you. You find yourself telling it to other people and loving their look of ohmygodness...

More seriously, do you recall those exercises of thinking you can do things? Try them, they will help to calm you down.

And finally for this evening, I am Rofl reading the Christians against dinosaurs thread in Classics. 06/02/2015, I am sick and tired of dinosaurs being forced on our children. I hope it makes you smile.

Hi Mo sorry you feel all stressed, one thing I do is to tell myself how stressed will I be when I get there/am doing whatever thing. Then tell myself that at that moment I will be feeling all stress going, there is no need whatsoever to stress before hand because the moment itself will have enough stress to go around if that makes sense?

So allow yourself to feel stressed in moment meeting people doing whatever but don't heap up stress before hand because it dosnt in any way deduct the actual stress at the moment so it's just a waste! Ok so makes sense to me!

Have the kids got a wii or game thing? I got a wii sports game thers a boxing one and don't half feel good to beat crap out of someone sometimes!