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Original poster

Financial Abuse - AlmostFreeMo - Part 4

997 replies

AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 06:51

Next Fred...

OP posts:
Akire · 26/04/2016 10:56

Can you do a list of stuff coming up but not itemise it. Least if you get it out way in one go then you not be farting around email him once a week. So birthday, school show. School fete etc or simply say do you want to organise party invites, venue, food, games, presents. Or shall we agree a budget and you get on with it.

Ditto summer shoes or anything else over next few months. Mind you bloody hard to guess all possibilities where you need money moths ahead.

don't worry if no money I just sell the wine collection

Grumpyoldblonde · 26/04/2016 11:39

You will never get through to him, he will never be reasonable, I think, in your shoes my next email would simply read. 'Do you want to buy me out of the house or shall we sell?'
I can't see any option if you want to be free of him as soon as possible.
He really is an utter, utter wanker.

Akire · 26/04/2016 11:49

Hopefully you qualify for legal aid, it's bizzzare that you can do nothing till comes back next time then apply occupation order then try maintence. No one wants live limbo next 3-4months then have to start again at ground zero.

But not many more options left unless you leave your home go into temporary accomadation probable miles away change schools and live on benefits. Most normal sensible people would of course say no kids stay put we can work this out without kids being harmed. But he's not normal! This is where abuse comes in its not just financial control its the home and whole relationship. It's a major red flag when an adult will not accept a relationship is over. That's really freaky scarey part. That's part of his emotional intelligence that's bloody off radar.

There's always option of setting up a just giving sort page least get some more legal advice if the refer dosnt come to nothing. Yes I know you rather drop dead Mo but it's so bloody awful in 2016 that one person in a relationship like this has their hands tied in so many ways bits just not bloody fair!

Grumpyoldblonde · 26/04/2016 11:54

Lots of women leave relationships and rent for a while, maybe your parents could act as guarantor for the rent? But if you sell up you will have money to pay a year up front and some left for a deposit on a mortgaged house when you eventually go back to work. Really, I don't think you will really be free of his control until you are out of that house with money in the bank. Did you get the house valued? I would do that at least, will only take half an hour and he is out a lot.

Akire · 26/04/2016 12:07

The problem is grumpy that not many houses in area and those that would be willing to rent to benefits , housing benefit would not cover all of it ( from what's mo had said before)

Housing allowance is already only paid to lowest 30% of mean rents so if mo did move it would be much further away from schools and everything.

Grumpyoldblonde · 26/04/2016 12:16

But Mo would have the house proceeds to pay the rent. That's why I think they should sell up, she wouldn't have to move out until the house was sold and if her parents can lend her some money for upfront rent she should be fine. I doubt if Mo gets her share of the equity she would be entitled to any benefits anyway. I am just thinking it may be best if she just wants to get away from old wank chops quickly, there may be no other option.

mix56 · 26/04/2016 12:43

Mo, you are going to have to eat humble pie. to get as much money as possible
you need to do this as if a quote for a party/event
DC1 bday, x for present, x for party etc.
DC ditto
x new shoes, x for hair cuts x3
x school fete x3
x school uniform (just get him to sodding call the retailer to check the price.)
x sports club, etc. etc.

Tell him you need this before he disappears & starts his moaning & knit picking.
if not you will not be asking for it again, the children will be told that you are refusing to pay. Which is the sadly the absolute truth.

Have you ever asked him what the fuck is wrong with him ? he earns plenty, what is his game ? does he get off on making everything so fucking hard ? like a cat playing with a mouse. Is he able to justify it?

What a fucking bastard. Livid for you. You could start a group funding thing
what about this on your fb page ? www.plumfund.com/divorce-registry/

Akire · 26/04/2016 12:44

Right yes thought you saying rent now! Think probable would be if he did agree sell and she had lump sum renting for any length of time is just money down the drain and depletion of captail. Sure I read that you have up to 26weeks from selling to use money or its used as in one in benefits.

Anyway all speculation hes not accepting it's over so not likely agree to sell or hand over more than 50/50 without fight.

Akire · 26/04/2016 12:45

*income not in one

RandomMess · 26/04/2016 12:50

Presumably you don't actually need a reason to force the sale of the house. You are erm joint tenants/tenants in common?

Presumably if one person wants to sell up and the other doesn't that is reason enough to force sale through the courts?

Start an email trail with him "I want to sell the house and have my share of the equity back" see where it takes you? I think ultimately the cost of you fighting via SHL to stay there longer and him still pay the mortgage isn't worth it.

Sadly I think you have to accept that you will need to move to a different area and so on. Horrible, unfair but the least painful way to move on with your life. I suspect he will fight tooth and nail for him to have the house/you not to get your share etc.

mix56 · 26/04/2016 12:54

www.leetchi.com/en/collection/create?t=Solidarity

this would humiliate him to boot. Double benefit !

FATEdestiny · 26/04/2016 13:18

I'd write a list in your position. I would list advanced notice of expected payments (and over-state the amount needed) so you don't have to be short of money again. No need to make life harder for yourself now by having no money.

Then just wait, bide your time, until the official child maintenance procedures are in place. Revenge is a dish best served cold, and all that.

PhoenixReisling · 26/04/2016 13:21

Just catching up with the new Fred Grin.

It goes without saying that twuntchops, will not let up. He has some brass neck, to ask order you to provide reciepts etc for a piddly amount....yet he goes on holiday, indulges on nights out, golf etc which will amount to triple what you have asked for.

I understand why you don't want to do it....as it will be yet another stick to beat you with. However, try and think of the long game here (in the sense that you need the cash to pay for essentials).

I would also like PP have said, itemise a list of items/activities that your DC will attend/need whilst he is away, so to avoid those long drawn out emails.

KOKO, KOKO

RandomMess · 26/04/2016 13:23

Write out a 12 month list - ie rolling one:

So all the birthdays, parties for your own DC, all school holidays with a daily budget, school uniform, school events, pre-school costs, swimming lessons for 3, Christmas gifts, pantomime trip, annual holiday, petrol for visits to relatives once per month - everything in minute details on a spreadsheet then copy the spreadsheet and update it for future years Grin

Add inflation on at 2% each year compound - erm is that enough notice?

RandomMess · 26/04/2016 13:24

Funnily enough it will probably amount to around £200-£300 per month - so if he just gave you that in the first place...

DollyTwat · 26/04/2016 13:31

Mo is it worth turning this around and asking him if he's having money troubles? There can't be any other reason for being like this with you (apart from being a cunt)

This is where he either says not at all, or yes he's being bad with HIS finances. Either answer makes him sound bad

He should be made to do the shopping before he goes, although you'll end up with cupboards full of economy beans

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 14:03

Dolly - I've tried that tactic - to no avail, not acknowledged. But the only trouble he has is not being able see that his family is more important than a sports car he can't really afford but wants to make it appear that he can.

OK I've played ball. Lists sent. Whatever I do can't make me look like the bad guy so he can have it, it just shows how abusive he is that I've had to give in.

OP posts:
Akire · 26/04/2016 14:17

Well done know that was hard for you xx did you do list just holidays stuff or next few months?

DollyTwat · 26/04/2016 14:58

Ok Mo, you just have to do the list to survive until you're ready, it must be soul destroying but if you can keep your sense of humour you'll get through this. You WILL laugh about this one day.

mix56 · 26/04/2016 14:59

Well done for gritting your teeth, it may seem a bit of a backwards step.
You know the form, he won't give it to you in one go anyway, otherwise it would mean that you had a golden egg ! When he has looked at & quibbled over every item he will drip feed.

rememberthetime · 26/04/2016 15:01

Do you think that if you gave a list for the next several weeks he would pay up now? Could that be enough to get the ball rolling re the house sale?

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 15:01

The mediation woman just called me, because I asked her what happens in the case where one party refuses to cooperate - and she's blown me away by her hard-nut approach, she will try to engage with him following our meeting and if he refuses she will give me the appropriate sign off to commence court proceedings. She's hardcore and another formidable sounding woman you wouldn't want to mess with - not even him.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 15:02

Or should I say especially not him!

OP posts:
rememberthetime · 26/04/2016 15:03

I know it might seem like giving in but would a friend babysit for you one or two nights a week so you could do some work? don't tell him just save the cash.

DollyTwat · 26/04/2016 15:03

There's no point in fucking around Mo, she sounds just the kind of woman you need