I'm about to lose my mind here. I think DH is going to leave me tonight..

[garlicbreathing]

DH has been uncharacteristically cold towards me for the past week or so. I had had a bad week as I had AF (we have been ttc for 16 months, and now under the care of the fertility clinic) and it pretty much devastated me. I had no sympathy from DH, we've barely spoke.
It's came to a head when I apologised on Friday, and I told him I was upset with his lack of affection, and he continues to be so cold. I questioned him about whether I did something, or if he is upset about something but he denied anything was wrong. I asked if he loves me, he said he did. He shrugged off cuddles on Saturday morning.

I gave him space yesterday, and slept in the spare room, but I woke up incredibly anxious about what is wrong so I sent him a text telling him that whatever it is, we must talk tonight. He responded in the afternoon, agreeing that we do need to talk.
I was a state in work, I generally always think the worst, so I asked him if it was serious, if he wants to leave me. All he has responded is that we will talk tonight. I asked to get away from work early as I was on the verge of tears, so now I'm sat at home waiting for him to arrive back.

I just don't know what to do. I think this might be the end of my world and I just don't know how I could continue to go on if this is actually happening to me. I hope and pray that it's to do with the ttc, and hes just wanting to take a break from it. But I think maybe it's just broke him and he doesn't love me anymore.

If it is all ok-ish after your chat you need to make it clear that he should have reassured you earlier by text

I remember this feeling so well.

He is being very cruel. It was take him less than 30 secs to have said "of course not you div. We'll talk later." Instead of maintaining this tension. It probably is just that he is having ttc wobbles which is serious in itself hence him wanting a proper convo.

Sounds like he's playing mind games with you, no wonder you're so stressed. He knows how you feel yet he's not giving you any reassurance?
It sounds very cruel and spiteful to me.

op x

I had thought about using the counselling service at the fertility clinic and I was going to ask about it at our next appointment. We are just starting out with investigations ect, so felt like it was maybe for the couples who are more invested and have had the ivf news.

tanger

Did you miss this?

ME: im going completely out of my mind here DH. I think you're about to leave me
HIM: Im meeting friend after he finishes work to do with his stag do. im gonna be home after half 69sh. im gonna get it all out in the open then
ME: If you are going to leave me then you need to tell me now and not leave me here thinking all sorts
HIM: Garlic im sorry but i want to talk to u in person about a few things. it will just have to wait til later

No confirmation, no denying. That's what he dropped on her.

Morris come on - though she started the "we need to talk" he's being unkind by being emotionally unavailable and denying her affection...

No wonder her spidey sense are kicking in big time, mine would be too! If everything has been ok up to now despite the TTC and all the stress and emotion that entails then she knows her DH and knows that his behaviour is likely to point to one big shock. She's not stupid so don't try to put into her head that she is! She's probably pre-empting the situation by broaching "we need to talk" as she knows deep down something is very very wrong and she's doing that classic woman style of trying to talk it out.

I remember it, too, Jelly and agree with you. The marriage made me insecure, emotionally unstable, etc, but I didn't see this until after it ended.

However ... hormones are shit and make us weird. Maybe the Important Talk is about something less cataclysmic. All the same, I truly hope garlic will take control and realise we all deserve TLC when we're feeling vulnerable.

He isn't "oblivious" at all. Op made it very clear how worried she was and specifically about what.

Sounds like he knows exactly how to get her on the back foot

This doesn't sound like good marriage to me, op. It isn't normal for anyone to be so distraught that their spouse is about to leave on so little evidence.

Another one who thinks that he is oblivious to the panic that Garlic has descended into.

How can he be oblivious when she told him she was 'going out of her mind' and to tell her because shes 'thinking all sorts' as below:

ME: im going completely out of my mind here DH. I think you're about to leave me
HIM: Im meeting friend after he finishes work to do with his stag do. im gonna be home after half 69sh. im gonna get it all out in the open then
ME: If you are going to leave me then you need to tell me now and not leave me here thinking all sorts
HIM: Garlic im sorry but i want to talk to u in person about a few things. it will just have to wait til later

If he's willing to let you wait then I think he's not going to want to leave you.

I couldn't keep living with the tension hanging over me not knowing why he is acting the way he is. I pushed for this so I know where I stand. This morning, I didn't know whether it was to do with me, or if somethign else is bothering him. I want to be there for him if there is something bothering him, like I want him there if there is something bothering me.

She told him exactly what she is panicking about.

It's not possible to be "oblivious" after receiving those texts

Unless you plan to be

I want to be there for him if there is something bothering him, like I want him there if there is something bothering me.

You're willing to give something he isn't giving you right now. You've told him your'e going out of your mind with worry, yet he's going seeing his mate first and leaving you to feel like this.

Garlic are you anxious in general?

Ah garlic that's where DB and SIL are one step on... They had all the tests turns out my DB has something wrong in the sperm dept (despite his ex-W getting pregnant but she then had an ectopic pregnancy) but now they're waiting to be referred for IVF and they also have considerable savings if need be to do private IVF.

Yes you could well mention the counselling to your DH later and I would certainly ask about that at your next appointment, I think that and a support group personally for me would help me a lot. That's only my opinion though and applies to me though - eg what I'd want to do.

I think it likely he's avoiding engaging by text because it's probably a case of "no, I don't want a divorce but there are problems". That isn't a great discussion to have via text.

Well I'm sure that whatever his reasons are the collective will attempt to convince the OP that he's an emotional abuser and she should leave him anyway.

.

My anxiety has been truly awful this past week with everything going on with DH and work, ttc stuff. I don't usually suffer with bad anxiety, but this week has been utter hell. I'm hoping I'm just not thinking straight with everything happening and all this situation is just made worse in my own mind.

We went through fertility treatment and it was absolutely the worst time in our marriage. Completely hellish, I'm surprised we stayed together through it, hellish.

Fwiw, I don't think it sounds like he wants to leave you, just talk in person. Texts/email/messages can seem so much worse because you can't hear tone or see reaction.

Op if this is your usual reaction to him being a bit cold / distant, then your marriage can't be in a great place as you're not thinking rationally at all - your reaction seems extreme.

Good luck, hope you get things sorted. Whatever is coming, take a deep breath & try to remain calm
& focused on what you need to do to make sure you're ok.

Like AF says you have decided that he's going to leave you based on little evidence that's why I asked about your anxiety.

He definitely could be handling this a bit better. I don't think it sounds like he's leaving you but it does sound like a serious talk he wants.

Deep breaths Garlic and

If this isn't his intention, I can understand he could feel very annoyed at me suggesting that it's the issue. I will apologise and explain to him about the week I have had. I had attempted this on Friday when I apologised, but maybe he was still too annoyed at me withdrawing from him.

Hope you're ok op

Best case scenario is that he's a bit clueless and doesn't realise you were serious about thinking he's leaving you? Are you a bit of a drama queen sometimes, ie do you sometimes say that kind of thing to the point where he doesn't take much notice anymore?

If that's not the case then he is being a bit of a shit leaving you dangling as to whether you still have a marriage or not. Surely the stag do meeting could have been rearranged?