I'm about to lose my mind here. I think DH is going to leave me tonight..

[garlicbreathing]

DH has been uncharacteristically cold towards me for the past week or so. I had had a bad week as I had AF (we have been ttc for 16 months, and now under the care of the fertility clinic) and it pretty much devastated me. I had no sympathy from DH, we've barely spoke.
It's came to a head when I apologised on Friday, and I told him I was upset with his lack of affection, and he continues to be so cold. I questioned him about whether I did something, or if he is upset about something but he denied anything was wrong. I asked if he loves me, he said he did. He shrugged off cuddles on Saturday morning.

I gave him space yesterday, and slept in the spare room, but I woke up incredibly anxious about what is wrong so I sent him a text telling him that whatever it is, we must talk tonight. He responded in the afternoon, agreeing that we do need to talk.
I was a state in work, I generally always think the worst, so I asked him if it was serious, if he wants to leave me. All he has responded is that we will talk tonight. I asked to get away from work early as I was on the verge of tears, so now I'm sat at home waiting for him to arrive back.

I just don't know what to do. I think this might be the end of my world and I just don't know how I could continue to go on if this is actually happening to me. I hope and pray that it's to do with the ttc, and hes just wanting to take a break from it. But I think maybe it's just broke him and he doesn't love me anymore.

I'm so sorry OP. I hope its not as bad as you think

ME: im going completely out of my mind here DH. I think you're about to leave me
HIM: Im meeting friend after he finishes work to do with his stag do. im gonna be home after half 69sh. im gonna get it all out in the open then
ME: If you are going to leave me then you need to tell me now and not leave me here thinking all sorts
HIM: Garlic im sorry but i want to talk to u in person about a few things. it will just have to wait til later

that was our texts.

Acrossthepond has sound advice, let him say what he needs to say. Also hoping things work out for you.

I had a male friend who reacted really "badly" (for want of a better word - ie he got terribly upset) when their IVF failed. He admitted to just shutting down over it as he didn't know how to deal with it. It caused difficulties in their relationship to start with until he overcame the initial hurdles and started to open up a bit more and show his feelings.

Is it possible that he's meeting his friend because what he's planning to say to you isn't anything terrible and he hasn't appreciated how much things are affecting you- he just thinks you're going to have a bit of a chat about things, so it's not that urgent? Just a thought. I agree with the poster who said that good marriages don't turn bad in a week. I also don't think avoiding cuddles means anything awful necessarily. TTC is so stressful for everyone.

I definitely wouldn't pack any bags for anyone. Even if he were leaving (which I doubt) he can pack his own bag. And if he's not even thinking about leaving (which sounds much more likely) seeing packed bags is going to upset him horribly.

I don't think it is entirely fair to call him cruel because he hasn't clarified anything by text. If your DH doesn't want to discuss this matter by text, then that's not unreasonable.

You seem to have got from 'we're not getting on this week' to 'he's going to leave me' very quickly. I'm not criticising that, because in the past I have been very much the same.

What I now understand is that this kind of anxiety and insecurity (especially the kind that can flare up very rapidly) can be very hard for the other person. It is perfectly understandable that you want reassurance, but it is also very important that your talk with your DH doesn't become all about that. He has got something he wants to talk about with you, so listen to him carefully. Don't go all apocalyptic.

I hope this chat goes in a different direction to what you are clearly dreading .

Could your DH be concerned about the impact that ttc and undergoing fertility investigation and possible treatments might be having on you both? It can be such a stressful process. I wonder if this is what he has been turning over in his mind and has reached the point where he needs to share his thoughts.

I agree he has been very thoughtless at making you wait for him.

I hope tonight goes well for you.

I think it's worth remembering that the screen does not convey emotion, so whatever he says it could be construed however the op feels iyswim.

From the OP's perspective: he's been distant for a week. They have a row, she sleeps in the spare room, and they decide they need to talk. This for her immediately translates to the marriage is over and she immediately asks this over text. He responds that they'll talk tonight and she automatically sees this as confirmation that he's going to tell her the marriage is over.

From the DH's point of view: They've been in a difficult time and he's felt distant for the past week, culminating in an argument where his DW slept in the spare room. They then discuss that they need to talk, and he gets a text from her asking if he's planning to leave her. Remember he's at work. he's not in a position to be having emotional conversations or even dealing with his DW's insecurities over the relationship as yet. So he knows that all he can say is that they will talk tonight, without entering into further conversation which cannot be resolved until they actually talk.

And it's worth remembering here that we're talking about one week. He may well be feeling exasperated if a few bad days and an argument results in the assumption that the marriage is over. I know I would.

Could he have cheated OP?

I want to say it will be ok but I don't think it is going to be if I'm honest. If he's not rushing back to reassure you, he's past the point of that being a priority...I'd go out and come back in a few hours or let him call you to say he's home, no point worrying yourself sick sitting waiting for him. Hope youre ok OP.

And the absolutely cheeky bastard!!! Leaving his wife waiting with all this whilst he fucks off to go with his friend?? I don't think I'd be home when he got there, I'd have packed my bags and left.

My bag is there as simply a backup in case I need to get away for a quick escape.

I hope it's the ttc stuff, I really do. I wouldn't mind taking a break if it's getting him so down. I'm sick of it too, but I'd rather we get it over with so we can have our family at the end of it, which is what I thought we both wanted. Neither of us thought it would be so hard though. I would take a break with it if that's what he needed.

I don't think he would have cheated.

OK, he wasn't that abrupt. And there's some serious shit to discuss. Hope he stays sober enough to discuss it!

It could well be something to do with the TTC - or it may equally be there's something going on in his life that he needs to talk about. I don't want to say "Of course he isn't unhappy with your relationship!" because, well, it could be anything and you won't know until later.

Are you feeling okay? What's your standard distraction activity? Do it! And keep reminding yourself YOU are VALUABLE.

I really am hoping that I am being completely irrational and have totally over reacted. I want all those posters to be right!

This must be torture for you Garlic, but hopefully he will be home soon enough and you can find out what's going on. Why don't you go for a little walk right now or something?

wow what a gift he is.
he sounds horrid tbh.
you would be better off without him.

Don't sit there waiting! Go out and be in later than him. Go shopping for an hour. Don't let him have all the power. Its like he's the master of your fate. Come back from wherever and say you will or wont talk.
He should have said what it was about so don't wait to find out!!

I understand why he would not want to get into a text conversation about this, but he could reassure you very easily in fewer words than he's used in that conversation.

He doesn't seem like that great a guy right now.

I'm feeling okay. I am calm. There's just the horrendous bottomless pit feeling in my stomach. I've already taken the dog a walk, and done the hoovering, put away the washing. I'm just sitting waiting to hear his key in the door now. and he could be another hour still!

Those texts sound better than what I was thinking.

I'm sure blokes can find TTC very stressful as well. Maybe he's just stressed with this, maybe he's changed his mind about kids?

I hope all goes well, I think his decision to see a friend first, under the circumstances is deplorable but, you don't need all of us to tell you that. Have his bag packed not yours. Don't grovel any more by text. You're the prize remember. Just ask yourself, do you knowingly want to spend the rest of your life with someone who can make you feel like this?

OP you are out of your mind if you're going to let him drop these little breadcrumbs and then sod off out with his mate whilst leaving you panicking at home.

His actions are unkind, callous, manipulative and down right evil.

It sounds as though he's hanging you out to dry a bit, making you panic. Punishment maybe? My ex used to do this, I called his bluff one day.

I do need to pop to the shops, but I'll be fucked if I end up getting a weeks worth of groceries and I go to my mums tonight!