I'm about to lose my mind here. I think DH is going to leave me tonight..

[garlicbreathing]

DH has been uncharacteristically cold towards me for the past week or so. I had had a bad week as I had AF (we have been ttc for 16 months, and now under the care of the fertility clinic) and it pretty much devastated me. I had no sympathy from DH, we've barely spoke.
It's came to a head when I apologised on Friday, and I told him I was upset with his lack of affection, and he continues to be so cold. I questioned him about whether I did something, or if he is upset about something but he denied anything was wrong. I asked if he loves me, he said he did. He shrugged off cuddles on Saturday morning.

I gave him space yesterday, and slept in the spare room, but I woke up incredibly anxious about what is wrong so I sent him a text telling him that whatever it is, we must talk tonight. He responded in the afternoon, agreeing that we do need to talk.
I was a state in work, I generally always think the worst, so I asked him if it was serious, if he wants to leave me. All he has responded is that we will talk tonight. I asked to get away from work early as I was on the verge of tears, so now I'm sat at home waiting for him to arrive back.

I just don't know what to do. I think this might be the end of my world and I just don't know how I could continue to go on if this is actually happening to me. I hope and pray that it's to do with the ttc, and hes just wanting to take a break from it. But I think maybe it's just broke him and he doesn't love me anymore.

There's nothing more I can say until I know for sure.
I'm expecting the worst, anything else will be a relief and hopefully we can laugh about it. But deep down, I really do think this is it.

Maybe he's stressed at work, and because of your recent horrible time, felt unable to share it with, so turned away from you, rather than supporting you (clutching a t straws).

Maybe as someone said up thread, he wants a break from the fertility situation, and didn't want to tell you in fear of upsetting you.

Maybe it is a about ttc, I can see why you are panicking though.

I wouldn't pack a bag because tbh, if he wants to leave you. I'd be making him go, not you.

Don't pre-empt anything. Lots of couples have bad weeks. It doesn't mean their marriages are over.

I do think it's a bit shitty of him to go and see his friend first though when you are clearly stressed and upset.

Begging, pleading, barraging with texts, etc. are not very attractive and more likely to drive someone who's ambivalent away from you. So are "moods."

It sounds like your relationship isn't very sound in the first place and begs the question as to why on earth two people who can't communicate are trying to create another human being they will jointly be responsible for, for decades to come. Perhaps the same thoughts have occurred to him. Maybe he wants to stop attempts at conception until other matters are straightened out, or even permanently.

It is not healthy to be so dependent on another person for your identity and happiness that you are this distraught at the very notion of breaking up. Have you considered seeking out some counseling, OP, to help you with your self-esteem and emotions? I see so many people trying to turn their significant other into their de facto therapist instead of seeking professional help and it's never good for the relationship.

I also note that you say "I've been planning a future and children and I just don't know what page he has been on." Perhaps this is part of the problem, if you don't know what page he is on why are you making plans that involve him?

My feeling is carry on your night as normal and make him bring it up.

It doesn't sound good that he hasn't reassured you more when you've said you're worried he's going to say he's leaving. If he isn't planning on leaving then he's been a total twat for not reassuring you.

OP call him instead of texting and tell him to put off meeting his friend and get home and talk to you. You and your marriage should come first. Unless he is completely oblivious to how your feeling - has he made arrangements to see his friend today or has it been planned previously?

Knowing me being me I would've packed a bag and fucked off before he even got home if he had arranged to meet a friend before coming home for a serious chat.

Keep busy and don't fret. TTC and going through fertility treatments really take it out of you emotionally and physically for both partners. He really does need to lay his cards out with you though and tell you where his head is at. Keep posting. You'll get through this.

Another saying it shouldn't be you packing the bag. He sounds empty of empathy and I can't conceive of someone who is supposed to love you allowing you to hang in uncertainty like this - very cruel.
I don't like the sound of the way he's saying what he is saying and I'd take it the same way as you - although I do hope it's not that. Don't be blaming yourself for anything - it really isn't you and it really is him.

Wouldn't you be ok taking a break from ttc?
I hope it's not as bad as you think

Id pack him a small bag and tuck it away.

If the conversation goes the wrong way, hand it to him and tell hin you need a few days space. The fact that you are taking control will probably shock him.

Don't pack a bag, as pp said its him that should be leaving if that is the case.

Occupy yourself. Do something that takes up your whole brain and stops you thinking yourself into a hole. Go for a run, knit something, fix or clean something round the house, organise your wardrobe, anything!

If you're going to pack anyone's bqg, then pack his.

Oh no! And what a twat making you wait while he meets a friend

The thing is, if he didn't want to have the conversation by text whilst you are both at work, all he can say in reply to your questions is "we need to talk tonight"/ "we'll talk late". Any other response would probably have led to a text conversation about what is/isn't the matter.

I hope it isn't what you're thinking and he is home soon to talk.
He is being cruel by keeping you hanging on, I hope you can find something to occupy yourself with until he at home

If he's normally a kind, loving husband, could it be that he's also very upset about the fertility issues you're both going through, but is keeping quiet so that he doesn't add to the pressure on you?

OP, take a step back and ask yourself what you would be saying if your best friend said to you "DH has been distant with me for the past week, now I think he's going to leave me." If you knew that she had an otherwise good marriage would you think that a rational thought process?

Good marriages don't go from good marriages to divorce in a week. They just don't. Not unless there's a back-story.

You say that your moods have been terrible. How terrible? Abusive terrible? Bad enough to make him want to leave? If so, then you can recognise that and perhaps work on it together? Perhaps if your moods have been that bad he does feel that it's either stop TTC or leave.

Or perhaps there's something else he wants to talk about.

If he's stopped to see a friend first is it possible that he's seeing someone else?

Perhaps the meeting of the friend is simply a quick matter, best done on the way home from work, rather than a social call?

And perhaps he has some news of his own in relation to family/work/health/etc that he is worried about and hasn't found the way to break it to you.

Hope it's ok, and I wouldn't pack a bag, but that's me.

If packing a bag or making preparations (mentally and/or physically) helps you feel calmer or more able to deal with this, then do whatever you need to do. But remember that you don't need to leave the house unless you really want to. You can also pack him a bag right now, and ask him to leave instead if he says he feels things are beyond repair.

I agree with above PP who says that barraging him with texts etc isn't going to help matters and may actually hurt them. He may very well be going over this with his friend in preparation for speaking to you about whatever is bothering him. Whether or not he is unhappy in your marriage remains to be seen. But do give him the chance to get his thoughts out. As hard as it might be, unless he's going on a rant against you and saying nasty things, don't interrupt him.

I'm hoping for the best for you. But it's also best to be prepared for the worst.

I think if he's not planning to leave you he's being an absolute arse for not reassuring you.

I'm hoping it's just my head that's run away from me and I am jumping to absurd conclusions. Anyone else and I wouldn't believe it. But just after having lived with this totally different person for a week, there's something serious.

I have a small bag tucked away in a cupboard just in case, I couldn't stay here if it was over. I would need to be back with my mum and dad so I have support. I would need away from him, and if he left, he would go life with his dad who stays just around the corner.

I haven't texted him since 3pm, when he last texted me. I have let him have his time with his friend.

Oh dear, poor you garlic from another Garlic!

I think I'm really quite cross with him. Did his texts just say "We'll talk tonight", or were they more like "Try not to worry, we'll make time to talk tonight"? Because I don't think a dictatorial stance is appropriate when you're dealing with a hormone-infused DW who's all upset.

I hope this talk happens and is reassuring. I also hope, sweetie, that you remember your value and your dignity. Don't take any dismissive shit, and don't be afraid to push him out the door if he takes this authoritarian line!

Best of luck.

Really hoping things are ok agree that you should not text or call him, have a shower tidy up cook yourself/both of you some dinner and try to be as calm as you can. Have a think about what you really, really want in a marriage, a father for your children and a husband for yourself because a man that keeps you waiting g line this is not a very nice man.

I don't think my moods have been terrible. My mood is quiet and withdrawn, which I know he doesn't like. But it's how I deal with things until I'm ready to open up. I haven't been moaning at him, or shouting.