Is it appropriate for a man in a relationship to have 1 on 1 drinks with a female he is strongly sexually attracted to?

[Kaperee]

As the title says really. Would you tolerate this?

What would she say though, if you do that I'm divorcing you?

DH is very friendly with a woman he works with. She's always acting flirtily with him and saying totally inappropriate things - most recently, she asked him to come out with her to this fancy dinner thing which was loosely connected to work. She said something along the lines of, you can wear a suit, I can wear a fancy frock, we'll have dinner, then dance. He immediately said 'that sounds like a date' and declined. However he doesn't see why I felt uncomfortable about it and can't understand why I'm not keen on this woman, or the idea of him going out for drinks with her - he hasn't since I asked him not to but he thinks I'm just being weird, and it did cause friction. I trust him but the idea of him socialising with a gorgeous woman who obviously fancies him makes me feel horrible and crappy. I've often wondered if I'm overreacting but there it is.

Given that I feel this way about DH and the attraction is one-sided, you don't need to struggle to imagine what I think about your situation, OP.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Hell no, this is so far from OK!

If I was attracted to someone other than DH there is no way I would put myself in that situation with them, why would you?

NO that is not ok. Going for a coffee maybe just about. But after telling her he fancies her i would be rethinking the whole relationship even without the added insult of a date thrown in.

I have a work colleague who told me at the Christmas party last year that he fancies me. We're both married but used to go for coffee occasionally or drinks as part of a bigger group.

Since he said this, I do not meet him other than in work in clear view. I hope his wife doesn't think I'm trying to pull him but I don't want there to be a trace of suspicion. He's noticed, and I think it is a shame - I miss my friend but I want to be a friend to his marriage too if that makes sense.

If he is the one wanting to make new friends in a new area, why was the OW inviting him out for a drink?. I know that men and women can have platonic relationships but I would possibly worry about not trusting the OW here.

My husband doesn't go on dates with other women

And there is a lot I could do about it if he was considering it

Op, how do you know he has told this woman he is sexual attracted to her ?

I think if it were me I'd let him go on the date...but while he was there I'd be emptying his things onto the street outside

No. WTF no.

I cannot express how many no's there are to answer this.

He's discussed his attraction to her, she's reciprocated by asking him out, they're off alone for some cosy inhibition lowering drinks... And hes telling you so you feel like you do, that if you object you're being a bitch.

I know it shouldn't make any difference, but which one of the three are you? Or are you a 4th party?

On the surface it seems innocent.

Everyone is completely open, no one is hiding anything.

Whatever's going on, are you ok?

To reiterate, he has drinks with many women 1:1. The only difference this time round is that he also happens to be attracted to her and has told her so.

It's really ok. You behave differently with people you're sexually attracted to - it's like animals doing their courtship rituals! Lots of smiles, flirting, testing the ground conversationally.... Bottom line - if you care about your partner's feelings you don't do something you know will cause them pain.

How very odd. Perhaps if you tell us a bit more we could advise?

Also AnyFucker forgive my breach of etiquette but that is the exact opposite of what you said to me on a thread where you accused me of being a rape apologist. I said then 'if it was the other way round I bet you'd say...' Well here we are the other way round and you are saying it.

Sorry OP but I had to get that off my chest.

If you really fancy someone and are married then the person you fancy is not 'new friend' material. I'd treat all one on one drinks with 'potential friend' member of opposite sex with caution - I just wouldn't go if there was any possibility of sexy feelings on either side.

If he's so good st socialising tell him to make other friends who aren't in this category

If you're married in a non open relationship and you fancy someone else else then you just don't go there. You can't always get what you want.

Everyone is completely open, no one is hiding anything

That doesn't make it OK. People often have emotional affairs and rationalise it by saying "well, we're not shagging so we're not hurting anyone"

So, she told him she fancies him. Hes told her he thinks she's hot. Shes invited him on a date. And because you know all about it, that makes it ok.

At what point do they think it is not ok? After the first deep snog? When his dick accidentally falls onto her vagina?

This isnt making friends. This is making a fool of you. They think that they're going to be all grown up and not end up doing what they both want to do because, you know, they're all grown up, and it would be wrong to have a shag.

Why do you want to accept the shit they're already giving you, never mind the proposed escalation?

Kaperee, are you the husband here? Are you proud of your honestly to all and seeking permission or wanting to be told your wife is unreasonable to be unhappy about this? Otherwise, why so coy?

I'd really rather not say who I am as really need objective opinions.

To expand further, neither the man or woman intends to do anything. It is simply a man and woman going for a drink (which they do normally with other people of the opposite sex). The only difference here is that both are physically attracted to each other and have made it known to each other (in a non sleazy way).

It is all open and no one is hiding anything.

Writing this, seems the only aspect which was probably a bit foolish was the man openly admitting attraction and telling others.

It's playing with fire, and it's cruel to at least one person.

Kaperee, seems like you're the husband here trying to get the blessing from strangers to go on a date.

It's a date, nothing more and nothing less. You're both sexually attracted to each other and in the sober, cold light of day you've no intentions of cheating but when the booze hits I suspect it'll be a different person.

At the very least, it's disrespectful to your relationship and at the very most it's and emotional affair.