Let's Get Ready! It's Dating Thread 103

[DrFoxtrot]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

handy I'm sorry you're feeling crappy, have some wine and chocolate and wallow here. Will you reply? If you're feeling so "meh" about confectionary iron why not just throw caution to the wind with your reply and tell him? You have nothing to lose if you think it may end up being binned anyway? Think of your standards and set them out to him. Put the ball in his court, up his game or you will have to find another more satisfying snack

ida go you! Where did you get your irons from out of interest? I'm finding tinder so unproductive as nobody ever messages!!

muddling oh god. We have to pick the best of these people.

last and is a great idea, I'm going to do exactly that, actually....

As I type this he is currently holed up in his workshop in order to meet a major deadline tomorrow. So there is no way I'm going to tell him he made me feel shit, not on text, and not now. I am leaning towards the 'if you can't think of anything to say, say nothing' especially as he'll be very busy. So I've not replied.

handy I relentlessly texted a man who made me feel like crap. Just talking about how he had made me feel. Then I realised, as he was not replying, that I was coming off all kinds of crazy. I've now taken him off my facebook so I can't obsess and I have deleted all previous texts so it's not easy to fire one off.

I am awful for getting all needy right away.
To be honest it was bound to turn bad....I walked into it really. Idiot that I am.
My new rule: no seperated men going through a hard time, and no newly divorced men. They DON'T know what they want.

Traffic I completely agree with you on the separated men going through a hard time and newly divorced. I was chatting to someone then he said he had a 1 year old so I asked how long he's been single...only 5 months so I've not replied! Far too soon. Shame though...he has a nice smile!

Yeah. They also will spout all kinds of feelings at you that are probably more about their ex than you 😳 It's not nice.

Just checking in before bed...quiet on the iron front here! A few texts from Apple, which was unexpected and quite nice. last I am definitely on the fence, at the moment if he suggests a third date I will go and see where my feelings take me. I am so hoping Leicester is as lovely as I think he may be, although he lives far far away. JollyX I will be letting him make the effort now, he has to suggest the next date and do some proper pursuing. I could be convinced if he has the force within him!

Handy I'm gutted the way things seem to be panning out with Confectionaryiron. I think pulling back is a really good idea, I'm hoping for a realisation on his part that he needs to up his game if he wants to keep you.

Ida love your irons names!

lovely welcome to the thread and go on the date! You have nothing to lose. Definitely watch some Matthew Hussey videos, excellent for boosting your self esteem and allowing you to think of yourself as 'high value'. And tips on what makes men tick.

I think I might have a quiet weekend backing off from tinder (famous last words...), I've had a swipe tonight and slim pickings is an understatement! I need fresh suitable men!! Please universe!

Aw thanks Foxtrot

Feel lonely and rubbish this evening, but better for wine. I've been polite in my messages to C.I. Said 'tomorrow will be better' he kept pushing the 'why else has your day been rubbish' thing. But I just said 'it just was' and for all I know he knows exactly what I'm thinking. Or is just totally oblivious. Who can say.

I can see Tuesday's dilemma coming down the track - he'll ask will I go to his house. Then I'll be like - er - so you can have an ultra-convenient evening with built-in shagging? Cos you can't be arsed to actually go further than your front door for me??

I don't know if I should?? And I don't know how to handle it?

Really really really really need to just throw myself into work now. To paraphrase Amy Young - I may feel crazy, but I don't need to act crazy. I seem to have found wine/hurt/anger all in one day....

Sorry, too much wine...

Oh Handy I really don't know the answer, but if you end up going to his on Tues for the predictable low effort evening with guaranteed shag, how will you feel? Pretty awful I would imagine. What would JollyX do in this situation? (Thinking like a dude!) and what would be a high value way to get your message across?

You went out for drinks at the beginning didn't you? Has he just fallen into this comfortable habit? I would have to say something about getting out with him, but wait to hear his suggestion for meeting up first and give him chance to sense that he needs to raise the bar. Which I think you're already doing by pulling back a little.

Ok handy, come on, chin up.

Right now, you don't know what's going on. So relax (a little). In your shoes I'd be very open and if/ when he brings up Tuesday. Very directly say, let's do something different and go out.
If you really really want to push back on him, say you'd love to see him but (and we can help you come up with a plausible reason), you can't stay the night. See if he has a date based in seeing you out, zero shagging.

Depending on how open you want to be, you can say you want to do both because right now it feels like just sex and you'd like to see if there's more.

There is honestly many ways you can move forward and there is nothing to say that CI won't up his game and become a twix again.
You are far better trying to find out now than in 3 months when you've really fallen for him

But what has actually changed with CI Handy? Your way of thinking about him? I agree its fun to go out sometimes but I like staying in for snogging & more... Too worried about students seeing my PDAs around town!!

Nope I've got nothing on. Quiet one for me. Although I'm annoyed at myself for having put on weight this week so it won't be a self indulgent weekend. I'm hoping for good weather so I can take the kids out and do something active.
I've got barely a trickle of messages in any place - okcupid keeps bringing me people from the US or Europe which is odd. I don't reply because they obviously aren't genuine. Or its just chancers looking for sex. I'm not going down that road again.

To be honest I'm still pissed off with Separated man and all his lies and promises. I have serious trust issues and he made them all the worse. When will mem realise that women actually think that when they say something, they must mean it? Am I just naive and should I just assume it's all a lie every time?

Handy can I just add something?

I'm on about date 7 or something, I'm not sure. I have no family locally and no regular childcare, so all our dates have been at my house when the kids are in bed. He seems fine with this, which is just as well because I don't want to go out! He's mentioned meeting his friends, who all know about me. I haven't told anyone about him.

So on the surface it would look as if I was less invested and less keen than he is, but it couldn't be further from the truth. I am completely besotted. I don't want to go out or meet his friends because I don't want to share him at the moment, not even with just strangers walking past. I want to hold him and talk to him and get to know each other better, before "sharing" our relationship with the world. And I haven't told friends about him because I'm terrified he'll dump me and I'll have to tell them all I'm single again. Obviously I would never admit this if he asked me! I'd act cool.

Maybe that's how Twix feels?

Sorry - not all our dates have been at my house - I'm not that irresponsible. The first 2 were out.

So I'm talking to a guy - Beaver who is not really my type physically speaking - but he seems kind of funny. As I haven't had a date yet since my relationship ended I think maybe I'll ease myself in with someone I'm not too keen on. You never know we might hit it off anyway.

I'm so envious that everyone has loafs of prospects. You must all be very pretty and witty! 😊
I'm in Costa....It's blindingly obvious why it's hard to get a date around here. It's filled with mums and toddlers, and private school boys who whilst they'll be a catch in about 10 years.....are but children now.

waving I never game him a name, too scared to make it sound real in case it went wrong.

I don't actually like the swooning stage, because it makes me feel so vulnerable.

ah thank you all for your encouragement and advice.

Yes a real life date! Just as well as I'm not sure I could do OLD ATM.

I thought I had been rolling along quite happily in my life, and then an attractive guy asks me on a date and the internal rubbish dialogue starts! I will look at the You Tube videos you all recommended - thank you.

I'm telling myself what you are all telling me too and I absolutely have nothing to lose or prove - it's just the internal dialogue that is rubbish.

I have just started counselling so I will talk with her about that too.

I hope it goes well lovely 😊

Hello everyone!

Quickly popping in.. Waving I concluded from my wobble yesterday that it is ok to be holding back as long as it does not become an obstacle to the Thing evolving into a relationship. Being in the driver's seat is both empowering and scary. I just want to scream to Karmic's face "don't let me fuck this up!!".

We will have a date this weekend, details are still to be sorted. Yesterday (all round wobble day) I was freaking out over an interview I have today for a secondment job and he was great at talking some sense into me.

Fox perfect plan with Apple! at famous last words!

Handy my newly found Y chromosome says it is a great idea to challenge him to organize something different. And make him come your way. Perhaps there is a restaurant in your area you would like to try? You could do it playfully, like "hey, let's do that on X day, Spring is here, time for the groundhogs to get out of the house for some fresh air?"

Happy Friday guys!