Let's Get Ready! It's Dating Thread 103

[DrFoxtrot]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Hi all, sorry don't get on here much so have just tried to have a quick catch up. How do you bold people's names by the way?!

Handy I read your posts with great interest as I'm in a similarish position. 7 weeks in, see each other once a week as that's all either of us can do due to childcare and work commitments. We don't tend to go out, tho we did for first few dates, but mostly due to the desire (on both sides) to just jump straight into bed, but then we cook and chat all night. I'm not sure how I feel about him as I have a lot of internal arguing between head and heart and a lot of self preservation going on. I genuinely can't see a future together due to our circumstances with our children and the distance. And in a previous more shallow life I wouldn't have been interested in him (too scruffy!). But, when I'm with him I really like him and want it to carry on. He sounds like your guy in that let's go with the flow is his theme. But I think it's mine too?

Only read a tiny bit on here about 'place marking', have a horrible feeling that's what I'm doing. I love the daily messaging, the weekly get together, but maybe due to past hurt I'm just being stupidly grateful for the attention, and it wouldn't matter who's giving that to me. Or is it just protecting myself as maybe I do like him. Oh who bloody knows!! Am also having counselling for which I'm very grateful. But if we're both okay with how it is, does it matter if it's 'place holding' (if I've understood it right) I'm waffling now and gone all self indulgent.

Oh and I really agree with the comment about negativity breeding negativity. By Friday each week I've generally got worse as the weeks gone on and talked myself out of the whole thing. Then see him at the weekend, it goes well, then I'm back all sunny again. Then the doubts about no future kick in and I'm back to a negative cycle picking fault.

Good luck to all those with emerging irons and dates arranged! I've never tried tinder but I like POF and match.

I'm seeing Bacon tomorrow Waving. Dinner and an adult sleepover. We were chatting last night and things were getting steamy and he came out with the perfect "even if we don't DTD, we're going to have a brilliant time on Saturday night, I just really like you and enjoy your company so much" type message which, of course, makes me want to jump his bones even more! He's the perfect mix of gentleman and total filthmonger. Ahem.

Handy I totally agree with TooSassy about the approach to CI. Suggest going out and see what his response is. I'd do it in as breezy a way as possible "hey, there's that new restaurant/bar/club/film, shall we try that on Tues?" rather than "get your arse out of your house and treat me properly man!"

Traffic Definitely meet up with Beaver (love the name!) if you can. If you get on but don't fancy him at least you've had a bit of practice.

Lovely I do think that dating can throw up all kind of issues about "what kind of person am I?", "do I like myself?" etc etc which is one of the scary things about it. It should probably be mandatory to do therapy (or post a lot on this thread!) when dating!

This is going to be all about me, me, me.
I'll write a namecheck post over the weekend.

I have a date tomorrow afternoon with an iron I'm calling Clark Kent.

For reasons beyond me I've got an ex influx at the moment - one got back in touch by email, one text and one FB.
I've been clear with all of them that I'm not interested in a relationship with them but I am going for a friend walk and catch up with one of them this afternoon.

Dear thread I have a confession.
I had a terrible day yesterday, nobody died but it was a work-related very bad day. The kind you of bad day that you hope only happens once a year.
Captain Pugwash had eventually been in touch and I wanted comfort and fun so I went to his house last night. He cooked dinner, listened and was kind we had some sex and you know what? Today I feel that I'm not that fussed about him after all. I'm not even sure why I've had a change of heart but I don't think I'll see him again. Or may be I will if I feel the need he called me his girlfriend last night and wants us to be exclusive. I shrugged it off.

I have other irons; Hanging On The Telephone, Live Wire and Pulse Racer.
I had a mini date with Hanging On The Telephone on Tuesday, I like him and I would give it a second date but he doesn't really light my fire.
Live Wire seems nice but maybe a bit dull. I haven't met him yet.
Pulse Racer asked me out but I couldn't make it and he hasn't suggested another so maybe that will fizzle out to nothing.

So that's me.
As I said I'll read back and name check over the weekend.
Happy Friday everyone.

Hey ladies. You'll probably remember my date being useless texting and so on. He has texted in between but I got a bit annoyed and sent a text basically saying is he still interested because i do like speaking to him and it would be nice to see him again - i understand he is busy with work and his child but that isn't a problem just as long as I know where we stood and if we were on the same wavelength.

Anyway, he read it and didn't reply until later with a "sorry, ive been at the dentist!" - and...?! I said let me know what you think and he never replied again.

I am done. He has had the chance so many times now to say look i aren't interested so why hasn't he? It's really bugging me as I really do like him but I aren't prepared for any games. He's 31 ffs!

Anyway I'll just leave it entirely now. He is a coward if he simply daren't tell me he doesn't want another date.

Harriet leave it now...People tend not to bother saying they don't want another date ...they hope you get it from the silence or excuses...its not the best but just a fact of life these days...

Maybe cultivate some new irons?

Ocelot7 I think it's SO rude! :( I have had the guts to tell him I'd like to see him again but asked if we are on the same wavelength yet he continues to act like a pillock! I wish people were just honest.

I have another one who I really fancied - my friend set us up to messaging and he wasn't really my type via text. Met him once and has pestered me for a date since. I think I might just go and give it a try, and also, rather selfishly, a confidence boost!

I really liked bad texter :(

Harriet he's definitely not interested. When I'm not bothered in seeing someone again I often don't respond to messages hoping they'll get the hint yes I'm a coward sometimes

Best thing, join tinder, you are obvs Young. Get out there and date someone who does want to see you.

Anna wowsers you're on fire girl!

Handy I second what others have said about suggesting twix comes your way and takes you out. I wouldn't entertain house dates at his place so early on in the dating process. Cuddling up on the sofa is great, after you've been out for dinner/drinks/cinema etc. Obviously you can't go out everytime you see one another but I think he needs to up his game here and show you his worth.

I have a date on Sunday, not sure he's my type but worth a drink to see, only thing is he's childless and I prefer to date men with a child or children.

Roland But why not just tell me, rather than replying but ignoring the obvious! I'm just annoyed as I felt we really got on and after a messy break up and another iron who turned out to be a prat, i feel like I'm stuck in this rut forever! Sorry, self pitying moment!

Harriet, I didn't mean my comment "you're obvs Young" to sound patronising in anyway. I meant it as you are obviously in your late 20's early 30's and will do well on tinder. There's lots on there in your age range. Just wanted to clear that up I sounded rude, didn't mean to

Harriet I think no one likes to be the bearer of that text "I don't want to see you again" he probably didn't mind e-maintaining you but had no desire to take it any further. I had a few dates with someone end of last year. He was lovely but I didn't want to see him again. So I kind of replied to his what's app messages but never arranged another date and dodged the question when he asked. Yes it's very lame on my part

Roland I didn't take it any other way! :) I am late 20's, I have never even downloaded the app before and I'm not actively seeking a relationship as such - i just thought i had met someone I really clicked with. Especially when they say you meet someone when you're least expecting it..the way we met was very random and nice. Ah well. I am not lowering myself to any more texts. He has got what he wants - me silenced!

Harriet I've used OLD when I've not been looking for a full on relationship but would like dates if that makes sense. It might be a good boost to your confidence if you match with a few hot prospects. Saying that OLD can be very brutal.

I put in my pof profile im not looking for anyone to clean my shoes with their tongue so dont bother asking and had quite a messages today!

Grrr. Typed the worlds longest post and lost it. So a shorter version follows

harriet delete details and move on. He's not interested. Why he hasn't been straight with is because some people just can't be. Annoying but true.

muddling that made me laugh!

anna go you! You're on fire.

freaky oooo adult sleepover

Sorry, can't remember the other posts. And haven't the energy to retype rest. to rest of thread.

So I think I have a new RL iron. Was at an event last night. Someone who is a thought leader / columnist in the industry I work was there and I told him I was a huge fan of his talks/ columns etc. Really fleeting interaction.
He contacted me on LinkedIn at the end of the night, even though I didn't give him my details / name. We've swapped details and plan to meet up soon. Oooo. I do like my tech geeks

last I am only on Tinder. It works okay for me so far, I swipe right for anyone I'm not actively put off by, and then use conversations to weed them out properly. That normally happens quite quickly If I'm having ongoing conversations with more than one iron, I don't start any conversations... If I'm in a slow patch, I message the guy I like the look of most from my matches.

Am really trying to keep cool calm and collected before my date with Bob the Builder... He is cute, funny, has kids, gives good banter via text. I am (of course) now massively hopeful!! Which means it's all going to go wrong!

Same here! I could go to a rugby match in a bikini and not pull.
If the home team won.

Anyway..........I'm on OKcupid, how much enemy is too much enemy?! how high match are you aiming for? I was bantering last night with a man and we were only 50% match, he came in with ''oh we won't like each other'' I said, no, but who else is up at one am, so I can't be choosy. can't remember who he was now. I need to adjust my settings.

Going out later, with five other wimmin and no men will approach us. All night long. Even the waiter won't flirt with us!! I know it.
But I won't be thinking about that then.

Toosassy, wow, well done on the REAL life iron!

Beyond annoyed with one guy. We are both really busy people and finding it hard to meet up. Met him on PoF but actually know him through mutual friends as it goes. Very flirty messages. He doesn't message as much as I'd like and I was worried it was fizzling out so I signed up to PoF again, surprise surprise he messages me instantly as has seen me on there! Then proceeds to ignore my next message.

It's all bullshit until it actually happens.

Hello everyone

Waving there is no third date planned yet with Apple, if it does happen it will probably be next weekend but I'm leaving it to him to suggest.

Tulip your dilemma with your iron sounds exactly like me and Apple. I'm not sure whether I'm holding back to protect myself or I'm not fully attracted to him. It's really strange. I need to get a grip, after only two dates the thought of falling for him is making me panic inside.

Interestingly, I have had a monumentally shit day at work today and I have had thoughts of just wanting to go home and him be there .

Anna love your iron names and your energy!

JollyP I'm tempted never to name an iron again . I'm losing heart tonight, possibly because of my bad day. But tinder is the complete pits tonight, I fancy nobody. I don't want to bring the thread down completely so I will sulk alone and try to pick up some shred of positivity in the morning!!

I cannot remember the last time I was anywhere near RL attention either. I can hear violins now .

Well not much to update from here...a few random messages throughout the week with a couple of irons but not lead anywhere. So it was Zumba tonight for me and a glass of wine whilst watching corrie! Tomorrow I shall be seeing a friend and her ds as my ds is with ex so no RL opportunities this weekend either. I do enjoy reading about the positive dates on here! Shows there is hope!! Xxx

Ok so have a drink date on monday after work with a mechanic iron lets hope its better than last week

DrFoxtrot which decade are you in you obviously don't have to say I ask because at my ripe old age I might be overstating this a little and living in the back of beyond Tinder is next to useless for me. I'd have more luck putting a sign up on the parish notice board. That's why I prefer POF, at least there are some men on it.

I'm a little excited about tomorrow's date my one concern is that he 'sleeps' at odd times. He says he starts work at 2am so he goes to sleep at 5pm. It all tallies up but I don't want this to mean that really he's married. Must stop overthinking and just go with my bullshit radar attuned to the signs.

Good work muddling what's his iron name?