Let's Get Ready! It's Dating Thread 103

[DrFoxtrot]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

And just when your heading to bed to sleep you get messages! Lol typical

Ocelot I agree, I think it is worth the risk and I do feel in a better place now to protect myself and put a stop to it if it isn't working. It might be the wrong decision but I'll never know if I don't give it a chance. There's no pressure on either side.

muddling those late night messages don't give you chance to get a conversation going, I found them irritating. On a Tuesday night! A lot of people will be in bed!

Quick Karmic update: I sent the "hey pay attention dude" text to Karmic who has replied acknowledging he had fucked up. So I sent a second text with the clear subtext that I want more communication from him and he has just sent a flurry of apologetic texts, and stated he had no excuse. Message delivered, loud and clear. I am going into phase 3 now and will sit back and watch him try to crawl back into my good graces now.

Proper win for the bitch.

Will catch up on the thread tomorrow.

Ive read them and thought yeah i will reply in the morning if they sound gpod after a nights sleep and i dont feel hormonal as i do right now

Oooh JollyX good update! Sounds like you are handling Karmic like an expert!

Fox - I'd say go for it if the problems aren't insurmountable.
Jolly - I love you, just a little bit :)
Everyone else. Hello.

I just had a two hour call with my one remaining iron, of my three from last week. Single mum, no family around, no father on the scene so she's not free often. I've been in the situation of meeting with someone with little free time before, which is frustrating, but.. it was a good phone call, and she's funny and clever. I have no idea what her weight is. (I don't have one set, and I do have an age range but it's 7 years younger than me to 4 years older. I think you've got to have stuff in common)

So I won't get to meet her for another week and a half. Hmf. I can't go back to POF though till I've met her. I can't do more than one iron once I actually like someone

Fox :-o
are we going to lose you??

Just had a great conversation with a 32 year old. Really. Not just banter. Right to the heart of it stuff. He is INFP.

But. I am not going to meet him in real life. Gotta learn lessons.

My friend earlier told me i could have had a lovely hiliday with the money ive paid babysitters to go out with unsuitable men.

Thec29 year old texted me earlier. Geez. He really is very young. One evening with him and he was putting pressure on me to meet up again, have a fling, putting pressure on me to say how i felt about him. I thought i had done that already. Argh

Jolly, good work.

Will you over look the post sex weirdness.

Freaky. Hope u r sleeping well. Vent away tomorrow xx

fox I would say go for it as well, as long as what happened back then was for a really good reason. Be careful obviously but I'm sure you know what you're doing.

I also got a reply! Relief.

314 Id block that guy you met last week he's determined to try and change your mind which is really quite disrespectful.
I suspect, the fact you're still engaging with him leads him to believe you do not mean what you say.

freaky for today. Let us know how the call goes.

fox wow, that is surreal. As with anything in life, it's a leap of faith. I always say to my friends, do what you need to do to ensure you never have regrets. Because having regrets is a waste of a life. Go into situations with your eyes wide open however. If this is one of those situations where if you don't give it a try, you'll always wonder what if (which I sense you will), give it a go. So he broke your heart. You're here to tell the tale and if it happens again you'll pull through. On the flip side, this could just be it. I'd go for it but go slow and be guarded.

waving that's amazing! Am so so so happy for you!

jollyx good news re karmic

bant fair play on your one iron policy.

muddling that weight thing just lacks class and manners and on that basis alone the person wouldn't get a look in. Does he carry a scale with him to weigh them on the first date? What a prize dick.

314 well done on bear. You've done the worst part. Leave him be now. You should just delete his details, you do know that right?

Right off to work, manic day wrapped up nicely with my not sure it's a date date tonight.

Morning all!

Thank you for your good wishes and support. I actually feel OK this morning...better for knowing where I stand. It's the uncertainty that drives me nuts.

So, as I said...the upshot was that Bacon has decided he's not ready for a relationship. He says he has baggage and has been burnt too many times and worries too much. He likes me a lot, sorry for hurting me etc etc. I asked if we could talk and he said yes, so we will tonight. I then replied to his message saying who the fuck doesn't have baggage and not to project anything that has happened to him in the past onto me, because that's not fair (had had wine by this point!)

I just need to work out what to say to him tonight! And be bloody careful because Rule 14...

In other news, I then decided it would be a good idea to message MrEloquent and it turns out it was! I sent him a message saying I'd just been dumped and could he please tell me I was pretty? (reference to a TV show that we both like so not quite as pathetic as it sounds!) and he replied and was very sweet and we had a nice little exchange of messages. Not kidding myself that that is going anywhere but he was kind to me when I needed it and I'm happy with that!

Also went back on Tinder last night, have a match and we've been chatting this morning. He's too short and too far away (story of my fucking life!) but it's all good flirting practice.

Will catch up with the rest of the thread later!

Id ask him if what has changed since you told him you didnt do casual hook ups.

Freaky

Tell Bacon his behaviour very shabby.

Oh, I will definitely be asking him when he came to this realisation! I suspect it was some point on the Sunday...though who knows why he kept me hanging for a week?!

Could have been pondering all week but only admitted it when you prompted him..

Do think what you want to achieve from tonights conversation... Are you sure he will go through with it?

So the guy who was really keen via messenger has cooled off suddenly! He's gone from "infatuated and thinking we are similar souls" to basically brushing me aside last night and not bothering with a hello today. Which he has done the last 4 days! Why do they blow so hot and cold?!

Morning all!

I’ve just had a message to say that she doesn’t want to meet up on the future date. So it looks over. My feelings at the moment are that I want to acknowledge the message, but want to leave the door open for the future, if I still feel that way then.

So something along the lines of “thanks for letting me know. I’m sorry we can’t meet up for a chat. (or at the weekend?) It’s been a very useful period of self reflection for me. Please take care of yourself.”

Do I include a comment about meeting to end it formally, or one about remembering the happy times. I’m still well aware that if she thinks I’m putting pressure on her, she’ll run further away.

Anything else I should say?

Should I say that if she feels up to giving me a call, I'd appreciate it?

Freaky I feel for you. I think that we’re in the same boat. You’re right though, it’s easier to cope with certainty than uncertainty. There may be a small possibility that the poor performance is causing him angst, and as he doesn’t want a repeat he’s drawing away from you, in the hope that any issues can be cured by a trip to the doctor or by someone else. If this still is the case the relationship might be a goer with some sympathy (and very subtle questioning) from you.

Fox, I’d say go for it. The odd thing about it is that if for whatever reason it doesn’t work out, you’ll find it easier to get over him second time around.

Reddish, there was a good MH video on the message to send at the end of a relationship. Look here
I'm sorry that it's over.

Ocelot Well, there's another question then! Were you ever going to tell me this if I hadn't asked?!

Just realised that we are at 999 messages, so new thread is here