Let's Get Ready! It's Dating Thread 103

[DrFoxtrot]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Haha to Tinder Muddling! Sounds painful!

Welcome Traffic! I'd stick with those sites for now and see what happens before signing up to any paid sites. IME, you see the same people on all the sites, so why bother paying? Avoid Zoosk at all costs. Awful site, loads of stupid fiddly features and the "quality" of the people on there was not great.

Agree with Freaky with the sites.

Definitely avoid Zoosk - home of the fat, bald and downright weird. Terrible app. All round awfulness.

Re the paid sites. If I were to go back (and I still might come the summer) I would join for maybe a week or two, enjoy the exposure of being a new profile, then come off.

I was on tinder but getting no responses to any messages so taking a break from it. Currently on match and pof currently talking to 3 guys who messaged me first 1 to tell me horroscopes are crap. 1 who asked if i was a devil as i have 666 in my username and the 3rd just said hi lol

Handy I hope it's not limited edition Twix!

Freaky , sounds like you are more than just one of his irons. BUT I agree, hold back as much as possible!

Toosassy and waving thanks, yes, I have learnt this lesson the only way I ever learn a lesson, the hard way. I'm like that. But it's true, they feel that after they've disclosed their no-relationship manifesto they can act however they like and that puts all of the onus on the other person to be WARY and hold back. That's un fair at best, and kind of heartless. I'm actually fine, not being hard on myself at all!

Lesson learnt. I feel ok actually. I feel quite positive about dating now in the future. I will not even chat on line with IDWARS

How do we feel about men who come out with things like ''not sure what i'm looking for, if lightening strikes I won't fight it though''. Is that IDWAR ?

Hello everyone!

Had date 4 not 5, I got a little carried away on FB with Karmic last night - and well it was pretty awesome..! Somehow a switch flipped and it was all very relaxed, not that there was tension before, but it just feels natural and easy. He actually said that (no idea how I landed a guy who expresses his feelings!), and also that.. He likes me. Which is great because I like him too.

So not counting my chickens just yet but I guess it is safe to say we definitely have entered the "This Is A Thing" territory.

Confession time: I dropped the "do you want kids one day" bomb on him! So much for playing it bitchy haha. I thought the answer would be "no" and that he would basically run away from the loon who asks that on date bloody 4 but nope, actually he is very enthusiastic about the idea of having kids and he was genuinely happy to talk about it.

We also had a funny if awkward episode where a bunch of half drunk people interrupted our street-snogging session to ask "how long (we) had been together because they had been taking bets on it" (yes locals are weird). They then proceeded to say that we are apparently "too cute" and "should go get married and have babies right now". Massively embarrassing but also hilarious. Karmic just smiled and said "two weeks" - i.e. Since date 1. I am glad I shut up because I probably would have said the Thing was a couple hours old (since the "I like you" chat)!

Anyways, date 5 should be Saturday ... with potential to become a sleepover one.

Off to play thread catch-up now!

That's the nicest update JollyX hooray hooray hooray!!!!!!! woop for 'it's a thing'

Hello Daters.
I may need to join in here for some advice/support.
I've just been asked out on a date - a proper date by an actual adult.
Someone I met before Xmas and we have had a gentle texting thing and now he has just called and asked me on a date.

I'm 3 years out of a EA relationship. Not been looking to date, but met this guy at a Xmas party and we just "clicked". Now he's asked me to go out to lunch.

I've no idea why he is interested in me. He's at least 10 years younger than me.

It's kind of causing some deep self doubt and unworthiness on my part (in my head) which is really fucking rubbish I know.

Hello everyone!

JollyX how exciting that it's a thing! It all sounds very natural and relaxed.

I love the idea of 'tinder muddling', I will do some tonight I think. My gorgeous semi iron Wobble has been quiet since yesterday afternoon so he could be cooling...

Sassy I have been on 2 dates with Apple, both involving meals at his house. I just don't think I'm that into him. I had a slight worry yesterday that I could turn him into a 'place holder' but I genuinely think I'm not sure how I feel about him. When I write this down I feel completely ridiculous as we've only had 2 dates. I think if he suggested any sort of commitment or exclusivity I might freak out and bail. But I wouldn't if Crumpet or my slow fader had done that. I think I'm just not into him. I was considering a third date but it can't be for a few weeks anyway so I think it will have died all by itself by then anyway.

I still have Leicester who I'm hoping to meet in May. I really like the look of him.

Freaky it's interesting that Bacon had a wobble, I guess a lot people do have some level of anxiety. I don't think you need to show all your cards yet but the right time will naturally present itself, I'm sure.

Oh haha waving no no my mistake. Fecking eejiit that I am

Aw, bless wobbly Bacon! He's been messaging more today, checked in at lunchtime and everything saying thanks for earlier and he's glad we are on the same page. Phewf!

Been to therapy, then walked the dog. Then on way home fricking burst into tears re the bloody Confectionery Iron. What the fecking feck? Talked for too long about him in therapy (it filled the 50 min sesh but didn't really need to, I was done talking about him at 25mins). Plus I guess a reaction of the emotional variety was on the cards. I'm prone to getting emotional - 48hrs after stuff happens!!!! Helpful - not.

Came home and listened to Amy Young on the subject of 'not giving so many fucks' about what men think of you in the early dating phase. And roared with laughter! Now feeling a bit wounded and pants but will not be texting him, oh no. If he gets in touch I'll reply politely but in a minimal way with minimal thought.

Am on call and working literally all weekend so am just going to immerse myself in my fab job and amazing life.

So how do you generally get to meet men for dates? I don't drive so that puts limits on things, plus rarely have evenings free and feel silly paying a sitter for a date....but is that what it takes? What does anyone think about having a man round for a date once kids are in bed asleep? Obviously after a few dates somewhere public of course.

Argh, I typed a long post that I lost due to stupid work emergency. Don't they realize the Thread trumps clients?

Hahaha at Confectionery Iron And TwixFino Handy and ScarletBegonias!! (Welcome! Dating the thread is totally ok and fun, you'll see!) handy, I think it is very healthy to protect yourself in this scenario, even if he might actually get to the relationship stage at some point.

Subtlety what? waving I am watching with interest because I think that if the Thing further develops it is likely it will be along those same lines. Karmic is way keener than I am and I fear that the minute I decide to jump into a relationship with him he might suddenly back off. I cannot decipher whether this is my gut telling me it will go sideways or whether I need something to fret about I am damaged goods after the Popcorn episode. Anyways, once the smitteness (?) cools off, I find myself treading a fine line between holding back on the emotional investment and moving forward with the flow - and it is less comfy than watching him hunt the moose from the bitchy iron throne. writing this, I just need to bloody ask if he does want a relationship, don't I ? can't be weirder than the kids bomb. And then trust the answer. Yikes.

314 I think I would classify it as IDWAR by default. Might be my Popcorn PTSD talking though (he actually said that all the while he talked about not wanting a relationship right now and telling me we had a "spark". Complete headfuck.). Agree Sassy, once you spot the IDWAR there is not much left to do other than run.

Freaky love the Bacon wobble. It is cute. And reassuring, at least you know he can voice his insecurities. So refreshing!

Fox nope, that is not weird haha. Re Apple, I would keep him close if you think you need to know him better to get attracted. If you really have zero idea on why you are not that into him, I would place him on the back burner and give him a chance to convince you. All in all, I would only bin if you are certain he is not for you. Fingers crossed for Leicester!

Tanya I would stay well away from Bee! Unless he is chasing you down like mad obviously but then I would inclined to do the "reject twice, see if comes back a third time" to make sure he has entirely got rid of his inner SAHP.

Muddling keep on swiping on - iron droughts are disheartening but it is all a numbers game

Welcome Traffic, lovely and WeeHelena! I second the MH "I have a couple people asking me out, should I tell them I have a boyfriend?" Speech. And Lovely, if he asked you out, he is interested. Let him decide for himself what he sees in you, the only thing you should be wondering is whether you might like him? Never the other way around. That is his job, and you are not in his head, period.

LovelyFriend-sounds like just what you need to get back out there? I wouldn't mind a man 10 years younger than me having interest. Not sure I'd date him though - but I'm 31 and that would place him at 21!!
Are you going to go on the date?

I generally have dates on my childfree evenings, and I'm lucky enough to have family close by and willing to babysit.
The guy I was dating last year used to come over in the evenings once DS was asleep but only once I'd met him a few times and knew I could trust him. It helped that he had kids of his own and had been DBS checked for his job! But him doing that meant that we could see each other at least twice a week.
It's also possible to do daytime dates, meeting for coffee at lunchtime etc but I've never dated anyone close enough to make this work.

Freaky haha I want to stay up that tree!! - Karmic's kissing is worth climbing trees for . Just need to not fall from that branch because of a stupid wobble.

freaky I don't have the luxury of family nearby so I can't do that. I do have a cheap babysitter who lives down the road....but still expensive for dating :) unfortunately I only get children evenings twice a month if I'm lucky. Shite of an ex you see.

Handy I think you probably needed a good cry. I also have delayed emotional reactions. Stuff happens and I go "meh", then "OMFG, this is going to HURT later..." and it does. You're doing so well, glad you got to see your therapist today.

I wish I still saw my therapist. But only cos I fancy him.

Thanks Jollyxmas I get what your saying but I don't think he is inclined to ask me out , he is forward thinking and able to speak openly if I ask. He's been burned.

Rooting for all of you, I've been following since thread 98 or something.☺
If I see him tomorrow then I will update Saturday on the verdict, can't do it via whatsapp.

lovelyfriend I'm sorry you are feeling a bit rubbish and can't see what he likes about you, this is undoubtably from your EA relationship lovely. He likes you! He fancies you, he's interested in you! And guess what? You ARE worth it! Go and immerse yourself in some Amy young or Matthew Hussey on YouTube and keep posting xx

handy the other thing that I wouldn't be happy with were I in your shoes, (and actually I have been) is the whole lack of outside dates and being romanced. I mean all inside dates just watching TV on the sofa? It's early days so you should still be being whisked off for dinner, drinks, cinema, galleries and dog walking though the woods together surely? It doesn't sound like he's putting in much effort physically let alone emotionally. Are you happy with the sofa dating? He needs to up his game IMO, and find some seriously huge moose hunting boots ASAP

traffic I'm in the same situation and I think what you've suggested is perfectly acceptable if your comfortable with it

muddling I'm joining you in the iron drought, I'm sick of putting in so much effort and getting nowhere! It's been weeks, and I'm bored now

foxtrot hmmm on Apple, I wonder why you're on the fence there? A few more dates and the decide maybe!? Perhaps Leicester will come along and knock you off your feet the that will be the answer!

freaky it's SO nice to know men get wigged out too! So they are human right? Phew, who knew!!

I have just had a message from someone asking if they can kneel down and clean my shoes with their tongue then serve me...
I am pouring myself a glass of wine and closing the pof app!

last no I absolutely am not happy with the lack of outside dates. It's just a zero effort situation. I talked about this in therapy too. They aren't telly watching dates they are chatting and listening to music etc. He is attentive and inquisitive. But it's not the same as being out in the world - it's not ok. It's a bubble.

Feeling like the ConfectioneryIron is going to end up being reluctantly binned. Feeling crap about that, then found out Prince has died (I was a massive, massive fan and went to many of his secret gigs etc) now I am just feeling very blue indeed. will have another cry later. Just had a text asking among other things 'how was your day' I have actually no idea what to reply....

Bleurgh

Hi all! Wow I can't keep up. Have two dates in the next week, very excited about one of them (Bob the Builder), a bit 'meh' about the other (Mike the Mechanic). Will just have to see how we go! Luckily Mike is scheduled a couple of days after Bob, so if my high hopes are dashed I'll still have something to look forward to!