AIBU DSS is DP being unfair?

[Rarity75]

I am annoyed! For context we have DSS every other weekend. My DP has a regular (monthly) commitment/hobby that lasts all day.

Initially DSS used to go with him, but he gets bored. This Sunday DH had asked me to look after him for the day. No problem I will include him on whatever I'm doing with my DD.

However tonight I find out he isn't actually playing tomorrow he is watching (and presumably) drinking with his mates. So he is choosing to that instead of spending quality time with his son. He also has his hobby on the next visit so that will be two consecutive visits the poor sod is stuck with me and DD instead of his dad. Who is the one he really is here to see!!

AIBU to really angry about this??

It was me who took both kids to the zoo, playbarn etc etc. Everytime he promised something fun it never happens! They just spend all their time on their phones/tablets barely talking. It's me who gets the board games out, plays games etc. I feel like he just isn't that invested and is a crap parent

My heart is in my throat reading this. Well done, OP - we're all behind you

He's using your DD. What gives him the fucking right? . He can't even parent his own child, and now he's manipulating yours? He's such an arsehole.

I genuinely hate him on your behalf.

It's all quiet. He has gone after a serious talk where I quite calmly told him exactly what I thought of him.
I told him it wasn't about how much he says loves me. It was about whether I wanted to be in a relationship with a man like him.
I then gave him a character assassination and included his parenting skills. I cleaned the kitchen throughout. I was totally calm it was weird.
He was in sobbing bits. When he hugged me I felt nothing.
I have my key.
I think I'm in shock actually and I've just started randomly cleaning things.
I am going to bed shortly. Thank you all so much for your support.

You are doing so well. Tonight would be best for you but do what's right for you. It's easy for us to say do it tonight but in the grand scheme of things if putting off until tomorrow suits you better than a grand confrontation tonight then it's no biggy. As long as it's sorted soon and you're safe and well. I wish I had had your strength sooner in my own life.

Whoops cross post. Wishing you well for the coming days and to getting yourself through this.

Whoops cross post. Wishing you well for the coming days and to getting yourself through this.

Sounds like my ex. You are well shot! Well done!

You'll maybe have a bit of an adrenalin crash, so an early night wouldn't be a bad idea, but you've done amazingly well today. Be kind to yourself for the next few days and give yourself time to regroup a bit

Rarity75 well done, it might not feel like it right now but you are amazing.

Tomorrow maybe have that lovely snuggly evening with your DD.

Are you ok? You may find that when the shock wears off you feel absolutely dreadful. We're all here for you, whether you need crap jokes or sympathy or just people to listen.

and a

I'm ok, bit hollow really. I'm sure it'll hit home a bit more tomorrow.

Thank you all so much I'm going to bed now. You have all been such a positive support and helped me be strong enough to stand up for what I want in my life.

Well done love. I firmly believe you did the right thing here, for you and for your dd.

Just read your thread - sleep well. You are amazing.

Well done OP now wedge something behind the front door in case of key copy and get a restful night in whilst you mentally prepare to place a cocklodger shield around your entire life - start by telling everyone you know it is done and make sure the neighbours know he does not live with you any more. You rock

Good for you and your shock is so useful as you wake up to a cleaner house :kiss:

Rarity, not the thing to do in Mumsnet, but I'm sending you a hug. The times ahead will look bleak for a few days or weeks but believe me, this decision has saved you and your DD from years of frustration (not to say the draining of resources that could use for the befit of yourself and DD).

While you are feeling so raw, make a list of the reasons you give him today to end this relationship (and anything else you think that you didn't say). Do that list and keep it safe so you can go back to it when you miss him/he comes back and remember why you are better off without him to your side.

He will come back, stay your ground, this guy is not worth being with, he is just another child to take care of.

You are strong and your dd should be proud. Onwards and upwards to a better future one day at a time. Hope you sleep well

Don't forget he owes you forty quid! (just kidding, never contact him again, forty quid well spent!)

Just caught this thread Well done op. Stay strong. And consider getting the locks changed just in case

Phew..... I'm just so glad he went without too extreme an amount of fuss

so pleased for you.

I glad that he went and that you had the courage to be clear about the reasons. It means that you are putting your needs and those of DC first, which is a vast improvement from the vulnerable person who entered the relationship (that is not a criticism, I was the same).

Keep focusing on your needs. He will come back, beg and plead and it will help to be clear about what you want from your life. You sound like a kind person, time to be kind to yourself.

Your DD may be upset and miss him; maybe focus on other friendships in her life.

Best wishes to both of you

Wow, OP, well done. He sounds a bit like my ex. I stayed ten years with him so well done!

The next days and weeks will be hard, but you have done the right thing for you and dd.

Hope you're feeling ok about things this morning