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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

AIBU DSS is DP being unfair?

261 replies

Rarity75 · 16/04/2016 22:48

I am annoyed! For context we have DSS every other weekend. My DP has a regular (monthly) commitment/hobby that lasts all day.

Initially DSS used to go with him, but he gets bored. This Sunday DH had asked me to look after him for the day. No problem I will include him on whatever I'm doing with my DD.

However tonight I find out he isn't actually playing tomorrow he is watching (and presumably) drinking with his mates. So he is choosing to that instead of spending quality time with his son. He also has his hobby on the next visit so that will be two consecutive visits the poor sod is stuck with me and DD instead of his dad. Who is the one he really is here to see!!

AIBU to really angry about this??

It was me who took both kids to the zoo, playbarn etc etc. Everytime he promised something fun it never happens! They just spend all their time on their phones/tablets barely talking. It's me who gets the board games out, plays games etc. I feel like he just isn't that invested and is a crap parent Angry

OP posts:
StrictlyMumDancing · 18/04/2016 19:04

Wow. I've been reading this since you started it and you're doing awesomely. Keep focusing on it all being about him, it keeps the anger you need right now Flowers

ScrambledSmegs · 18/04/2016 19:05

He is hearing, he's just choosing to ignore what you are saying. You should probably reduce this to the most basic statements for him.

"Our relationship is over. As such you have to leave my house now. I will call the police at Xpm if you haven't left by then."

I realise that sounds very blunt and harsh, but you need to be. He'll just ignore you if you're more gentle, as he thinks you're a pushover Sad

arandomname · 18/04/2016 19:09

Well done for finding him a hostel, stay firm.

You're doing brilliantly.

I let my last relationship drag on and I bitterly regret the time wasted now, and the effect it had on my self-esteem.

Original poster
Rarity75 · 18/04/2016 19:16

He is now sat watching to with my daughter Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
Rarity75 · 18/04/2016 19:17

Tv I mean

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 18/04/2016 19:17

Why is he still there?

Original poster
Rarity75 · 18/04/2016 19:23

Because he is refusing to leave and I am not prepared to have a stand off in front of my five year old.
However I am messaging a work colleague (ex airforce) who has offered to visit with his brother to 'assist' his exit if required.
Tomorrow is after school club, I can leave work early, get him packed up and go straight to my mums.
I should have known he wouldn't go easily.

OP posts:
HSMMaCM · 18/04/2016 19:29

I would arrange for the colleague to come round after your DD's bedtime. Arrange it now, because he is clearly not going to to leave.

Costacoffeeplease · 18/04/2016 19:32

Yes, get support to get him to leave tonight

ArmfulOfRoses · 18/04/2016 19:36

I agree with doing it tonight.
He's a monumental prick.

DailyFailAreABunchOfCunts · 18/04/2016 19:42

Oh love, what a fucking prick. You've had some excellent advice already - fingers crossed for you.

Costacoffeeplease · 18/04/2016 19:48

If ever you were wondering if you were doing the right thing, he's just proved it perfectly. To use the fact that you don't want to kick off in front of your daughter, to stay where he's not wanted, is just despicable

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 18/04/2016 19:54

Get the colleague and friend round tonight.

If you don't, cocklodger knows he can just ignore you. He'll sleep in your bed and eat your food for breakfast and not leave until the police come round.

He is using your DD to manipulate you. What a dick. You have got to get him out tonight. How fucking dare he refuse to leave.

Merd · 18/04/2016 19:54

Jesus. Yes, any chance they or police can come tonight?

Otherwise can you leave (and take DD and any valuables?). Not sure I'd want to sleep in same house with him.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 18/04/2016 19:57

Don't go to your mum's. Do not let a cocklodger drive you out of your home.

Don't pack up for him. If he doesn't pack his own stuff then either kick him out wthout his stuff or chuck his stuff into bin bags and put them outside. You are not his maid.

OTheHugeManatee · 18/04/2016 19:58

Get him out tonight. Call your friend, have him come round after your DD is in bed.

It's like pulling off a plaster. Doing it slowly will be more unpleasant.

SouthWesterlyWinds · 18/04/2016 20:00

I'm hoping Rarity hasn't updated because she is putting DD to bed whilst her work colleague is looking menacingly from the living room doorway

Ciggaretteandsmirnoff · 18/04/2016 20:04

Bloody hell op I didn't think you would do it. Flowers

Dig deep now.

The fact he is sat with your dd is quite passive aggressive IME.

Are you ok?

Original poster
Rarity75 · 18/04/2016 20:06

Reading bedtime story post later

OP posts:
Hissy · 18/04/2016 20:10

Tell dd to go upstairs and do her teeth.

When she is upstairs tell him to get out NOW, or you're calling the police.

IF he goes now, you will sort out his things and arrange for them to be handed over.

He goes now, with nothing.

Cocoabutton · 18/04/2016 20:13

Oh shit, you poor thing Flowers; I hope he goes soon without too much grief. You deserve better.

Scarydinosaurs · 18/04/2016 20:50

I hope it has gone well xxx

OTheHugeManatee · 18/04/2016 20:58

Rooting for you.

HumphreyCobblers · 18/04/2016 21:03

Rooting for you here too. Hope it is all going ok.

AuntieMaryHadACanary · 18/04/2016 21:15

Just read your thread, sending Thanks and hoping you get through this. Stay strong.