AIBU DSS is DP being unfair?

[Rarity75]

I am annoyed! For context we have DSS every other weekend. My DP has a regular (monthly) commitment/hobby that lasts all day.

Initially DSS used to go with him, but he gets bored. This Sunday DH had asked me to look after him for the day. No problem I will include him on whatever I'm doing with my DD.

However tonight I find out he isn't actually playing tomorrow he is watching (and presumably) drinking with his mates. So he is choosing to that instead of spending quality time with his son. He also has his hobby on the next visit so that will be two consecutive visits the poor sod is stuck with me and DD instead of his dad. Who is the one he really is here to see!!

AIBU to really angry about this??

It was me who took both kids to the zoo, playbarn etc etc. Everytime he promised something fun it never happens! They just spend all their time on their phones/tablets barely talking. It's me who gets the board games out, plays games etc. I feel like he just isn't that invested and is a crap parent

At least his ex likes you.

Can't believe he hasn't been back to take his son home. Says it all really.

Oh he would have been here to take him home....if I had been prepared to drive and pick him up. I refused. Therefore it will no doubt not be his fault.

That £40 was his piss up.

He didn't even take his child home. He is not going to see him for 14 days now. That's really awful.

I've just emptied the tumble dryer to find I have washed a black biro with a load of whites. Today is not my day

Yes I know that is the least of my worries but it's really really annoying.

He won't see DSS until a week on Friday.

Ditch the DP and take hie ex up on the invitation. She sounds much more on your wavelength than him. You certainly have some common ground to chat about.
Please don't sweep this under the carpet until the next hobby day when it will be another repeat of today.
You and DSS deserve better

With the greatest of respect here OP, he is utterly taking the fucking piss. Getting you to take his son back whilst he's on a piss up...seriously?

Agree with the PP that you need to leave this relationship for your own self respect but crucially for the children involved here - your DD who will look towards you and your experiences as "normal" and your DSS, who you clearly adore, who will also learn that it is acceptable to treat women in this manner. It sounds doom and gloom but it really does alter their perception in later years, especially if they are of an age where they can understand relationships and have experienced a prior dissolution of one.

Agree with PP who said take ex up on her offer for seeing/speaking to DSS - just because his father is useless doesn't mean he needs to lose you as a role model.

He is back, he is drunk. He has gone to bed. What a waste of a day and money. What an utter fool.

She said it again today that she would encourage us to still see her son. She was asking if I was ok and basically telling me it was ok to leave him. That whatever happens with his access is in no way my responsibility only his fathers. She is a good woman.

You are a good woman too, and if you stay with this self-centred cock-lodger he will grind you into the ground. Leopards don't change their spots.

You sound like a wonderful person! Didn't the DSS find it odd that his dad didn't take him home?

I would go hard on him tomorrow - tell him exactly what you think of him then ignore him and ask him to live elsewhere while you think about whether or not you can be with a man like him. I'm a real softy when it comes to men but this would really bother me. It's not on. You are too lovely to be treated like this and his poor DS deserves better xxx

What is a cocklodger? 😂😂😂

Just so you know OP, you appear to have named your DSS in your post of 21:15:02. I have reported it to MNHQ but you might want to get in touch with them to ask them to zap his name.

Your "D"P doesn't deserve you. His housing, money and access are his own concern, you've carried him too long and he's taken advantage.

You are such a lovely mum and step mum and deserve so much better than this xx

Daenerys2 - it's a male who lives with someone without paying their own way.

Use your imagination!! It was new to me before MN.

Yes daenerys tomorrow will be unpleasant but necessary. I need some space and calm. I need to stop being his mother. He needs to grow up. More likely he will find another woman to leech off. I can't save someone else only myself.

Posting today has helped me understand that. Fear of never finding that happiness is no reason to stay in a relationship that is not right for me.

I just want to enjoy raising my beautiful DD.

I have reported it too, thanks

Good luck Rarity. Is he an alcoholic?

You will certainly never find happiness if you stay with your current (STBX?) 'D'P.

Good luck, OP.

That's the thing isn't it? You can be happy without him, either on your own or with someone else, but while he's hanging around like a bad smell, you never will be

He drinks regularly as in has a can as soon as he gets in from work. Sometimes only two sometimes more. Sometimes on a night out over 10 pints. I don't think he is an alcoholic but he does drink more than the recommended limit.

Very true Costa. Upsetting to face it but true.

Stay strong and get rid. What a horrible man.

He is upstairs snoring like a pneumatic drill. In my bed. I think I'm sleeping on the sofa bed tonight. I don't want to lie next to him. Wouldn't sleep with that noise anyway!

Your partner sounds almost like a carbon copy of my ex. He moved in with me all too quickly when I was a bit vulnerable stupid. His idea of entertaining his child was to take her where he wanted to go. etc, etc.

Good luck, OP.