AIBU DSS is DP being unfair?

[Rarity75]

I am annoyed! For context we have DSS every other weekend. My DP has a regular (monthly) commitment/hobby that lasts all day.

Initially DSS used to go with him, but he gets bored. This Sunday DH had asked me to look after him for the day. No problem I will include him on whatever I'm doing with my DD.

However tonight I find out he isn't actually playing tomorrow he is watching (and presumably) drinking with his mates. So he is choosing to that instead of spending quality time with his son. He also has his hobby on the next visit so that will be two consecutive visits the poor sod is stuck with me and DD instead of his dad. Who is the one he really is here to see!!

AIBU to really angry about this??

It was me who took both kids to the zoo, playbarn etc etc. Everytime he promised something fun it never happens! They just spend all their time on their phones/tablets barely talking. It's me who gets the board games out, plays games etc. I feel like he just isn't that invested and is a crap parent

Your complaining about his behavour but your actually enabling him.

Why the fuck did you give him money for a debt he apparently owes. How do you know he isn't pissing it all up against the wall.

Why are you letting your dd think this is how men behave - it isn't. Why are you being a mug? He sees his son every 14 days and he takes that time to go to the fucking pub or up to bed because he doesn't like watching kids tv. The guys a dick head and he is using you to facilitate all of this - and you let him.

Who's the fool here?

He has no respect for you. He does the minimum he needs to do to keep you sweet so he can carry on his life with no interruptions not even his child. You even fund him to help him out.

Do you really want your DD growing up to think this is the model she should have in a relationship?

Isn't it better to be just you and her and teach her that independence and love for herself are better than a waste of space partner and being happy/unhappy a lot of the time?

Have a stable home just you and DD and learn to put yourself first.

I know it's me who is the fool! It's not so easy just turn your life on its head (again). I need to feel that I'm 100% making the right choice.

OP, you have to know this guy is useless. Anyone who can go NC with their own child is a waste of time, in my opinion. Now that he has contact, he leaves all care to you. He doesn't work full time and relies on you for money. Can't you see him for what he is? I'd dump him and keep in touch with his ex and their child, if I were you. I think you'd find that her reasons for splitting up with him don't exactly match his.

And yes my self esteem was in my boots when we met. I felt unattractive and was lonely. I was emotionally vulnerable, I was on sick leave for depression. Easy pickings.

The fact he treats his son like this enough! If that was your child he was treating like shite you'd feel a whole lot sure that he was a prick

Sounds like he's always been half-arsed about parenting. He's a terrible male role model for your DD.

Would you have gotten into a relationship with him now? Now that you know what he's like, and more importantly, now that you're not as vulnerable?

I have nothing of substance to add that hasn't been said before so here

Words tell you what someone wants to be.
Actions tell you what they are.

You get one life - don't wish it away.

if I play the ostrich I don't have to deal with the fall out. The upset for the kids, the upheaval of moving him out. The pain of the relationship ending.

• All temporary, but the heartache of your cycle of false promises and disrespect is quite permanent.

The worst place for a woman who fears loneliness is in a relationship with a user. You need space to get your shit together. After that the world is your fucking oyster.

Decent men are drawn to confident women with self respect.
Users and abusers are drawn to vulnerable and fearful women.

If the numbers in your username is your year of birth, you and I are the same age. I also have a small tonne of kids to consider. But my oh became like yours. I wouldn't fucking hesitate.

Goodness I'm sweary. Sorry about that.

if my oh became like yours... That should say.

You need to think of your daughter and what she is taking in ur letting her see a man walk all over her mum and she's going to see that as normal when she gets in relationships and sum jerk is gonna walk all over her how wud u feel if it was happening to her , he needs a kick up the hoop , u don't sound happy at all being on ur own ain't bad uv got nobody to p u off or answer back.

First off you sound like an amazing stepmum and that boy will remember you fondly I'll bet - my DH remembers his at this age, although he can't remember what she saw in his dad.

However you will almost 100% definitely be better off without him - what a jerk. The honeymoon period has definitely worn off, and you don't owe him anything in terms of a house, home or support when he's not really being your partner or a co-parent.

Maybe take some time off dating entirely for a while and work on your self-confidence and assertiveness?

Yes I am 40! Eek. Thank you all for taking the time to post and for giving me the truth hard as it is to hear. I would be gutted if DD ended up with a man who didn't and couldn't give her all of his attention, care and support.
I hate his temper, his lacksidasical attitude and his pompous self entitlement. If I hear "I am Awesome" one more time I will explode.
Thank you all. I think my original post was about one aspect of the relationship but the overall view is bleak.

I am awesome - WTF - is he totally deluded? He's a 40 year old cocklodger who can't be arsed with his own child? Is that what awesome looks like. Jeez

Exactly I would understand if it was sarcasm but he honestly believes his own hype!!

Are you with my ex OP? Constantly bigging himself up ( I'm the best builder/boxer/chef/lover ) and seems genuinely shocked when people laughed at his arrogance. When I left him he actually said "But I'm the best man you'll ever meet!"

Men like this will never change as in their minds they are absolutely right and justified in their actions. Believe me, I've tried, and it's like banging your head against a bribe wall.

OMG that's him exactly!

Happy to take the piss out of others but becomes very offended if it is done to him.

If it wasn't so rage inducing I would almost admire their (completely unfounded) confidence.

We'll have to introduce them and let them argue it out as to who is the greatest!

Hahaha!! Good idea

He still isn't back. Wonder how much he will end up owing his mates for beer? He's been out since 10am. I'm not even that suprised.

Took DSS home earlier and his mum invited me to her hen do! Slightly weird but very nice of her.

Shit, he's a nasty fucker isn't he? Can't even get back to take his son home? Bastard

Just texted to say he is on his way. Haven't bothered replying.