fuck, it's over, please help me

[jip123]

He's left, there is someone else. He has been telling me I am paranoid for weeks and that they are just friends. Saw a text and he admitted it. Currently minimising, am under no illusion I don't yet know the full story.

She's 19!! 19!! We are 31, we have a 4 year old DD.

I am the main wage earner, he earns about £200 a month. I have asked him to leave, he won't, says he owns half the house.

I am at the lowest point with my mental health I have ever been, I have just (this week) begun a phased return into work. It's really hard, I could have done with support. I start therapy in the next couple of weeks, I'm terrified, I've never felt strong enough to deal with it before. I thought I was, this has set me back.

How do I deal, what do I do if he won't leave. How do I deal with the therapy and my own head. I had started to feel stronger, it's gone. I'm a shell. I'm a mess.

Fun fuck fuck, I'm not suicidal, I was last week. I'm safe for now. I am just exhausted. He is coming home to talk in a bit, please give me strength, I'm trying to stay calm. I don't think I can.

I am suffering with PTSD, depression, an anxiety disorder and OCD, all stemming from my mum dying and my daughter being a preemie. I need to make me better. I just want my life back.

Fuck!

Yep. She's young, she's trusting, it's not her fault really. He, however, is a scumbag.

I have borrowed money from my dad, I will pay him back when I get the mortgage money through, it's enough for him to fuck off with. He is probably romancing her with it but there's no more when it runs out. Means he's off the mortgage, this little place is all mine. Now to fill it with cats :)

Excellent news!

Love the idea of filling the house with cats - he's a twunk of the first order !

Well done op-been reading but my posting-but hair wanted to say how amazingly you are doing.

Thank you, I really don't feel it. Got horribly drunk last night, basically begged him to come back. Unsurprisingly, I do not feel any better today.

HUbnut quote

he seems to want me to kick him out into her arms, he's still in our home but says if I need space he'll go. But then it's all up to me to make the decision? ?? He's said he wouldn't want to try make it work with us cos he'd worry about hurting me again. That's code for I want to be with her but I don't want to actively make the decision - isn't it?

I had this too. Although he didn't actually mention the bit about leaving if I asked. I wanted the house and so I was determined I wasn't going to tell him to leave. Once I knew the game plan I wouldn't make that decision for him. I did nt want to do anything that would go against me...so his suits remained in the wardrobe unscathed, I didn't change locks etc . His first ow didn't last then he ( heaves a sigh of relief) went off with another one.

I've been following your thread OP but not posted before. What an absolute twat your H is. I am so full of admiration for you, you're handling this with amazing strength. Your DD sounds like a treasure btw.

You said up thread that you found messages on his FB between him and the girl - did you screenshot them? If not, are you able to access them again and save them? I've heard on MN previously that adultery can be hard to secure as grounds for divorce so when you get to that point it would be helpful to have some evidence.

Thanks I did actually, well I took photos of the screen on my phone. The twat actually took my phone and deleted them, along with the texts that proved he was sleeping with us both at the same time so I couldn't send them to her and upset her luckily I have been on MN for long enough to have suspected he would pull something and had emailed them to a close friend for safekeeping. I have also moved all important documents and banking stuff to a neighbours house who I trust.

I cancelled his bank card on Monday and have cut up the new one that arrived yesterday. I have also changed all online banking passwords

So I am assuming he has gone now?
If drinking means you start begging for that slimy cheating creepy scumbag to return then I suggest you don't do that anymore
You are doing all the right things.
Ensure his family is well aware of what has happened as well.
Keep getting that RL support.

Oh well done Jip. Huge round of applause. Not only does he know you're on to him, he actually thinks he's got the upper hand.great you've still got the evidence to keep for later if need be.

My exh made so many mistakes it was unreal and so many bloopers at work it's a wonder he didn't get sacked.

Time to forge ahead. Keep your cards close to your chest and promise him nothing.

Put it all in the hands of the solicitors. I interviewed three solicitors. Two said it would be 50/ 50. I went with the third who said it would be more like 60/40. In actual fact it was more like 73/27.

Ask around and see whose name comes up. I got an out of towner. He was a free mason and would have drank with most of the out of towners. He went for an out of towner also....maybe he didn't want to face up to his shame.

Bloody well done on emailing the things to your friend, and moving the documents.

Now, what type of cat are you getting first? May I suggest a Tiger for when he rocks up at the door?