If you live close to your family how do you cope when your DP doesn't like them?

[rubmytrotters]

Posting on here as I am fucking sick of being the peacemaker and trying to keep everyone happy.

I come from a large and close family. DP doesn't. I've been described as warm and a people person . DP has been described as aloof and ignorant. He has little time for people he doesn't know and has said often that apart from the DCS and me, he does not care about another living soul. He has an elder sister who he has cut all contact with.
We've been together for 20 yrs and lived together for 12. We bought the house next door to my parents (his suggestion, not mine!) and at first thing weren't too bad but recently he's became one and more negative about my parents and us just plain rude to my mum. They don't interfere with our lives or relationship but dote on the kids and see them every day.

My dad works away and I do feel resentful sometimes that I'm basically left to look after my mum (she doesn't keep in the best of health). DP says I run around after her too much.

He gets particularly pissed off with her coming into our house. During this Easter break or school holidays she'll come in most mornings to see the kids. She'll give the door a quick chap and come in. He says she treats our house like an extension of theirs. I did try to speak to my Mum about this last year and she got pretty upset, saying she loved bei g so close to the dcs and being able to pop on to see them. She was upset that she was causing friction between DP and me. But it's back to how it was now.

Things came to a head in Monday night when I lost the fucking plot with DP aa he had another go at my mum. I'd arranged with Dad to take the kids to pick a toy as a reward for good reports on Tuesday around 11am. Mum wouldn't have been able to come as she's not great in the morning (groggy from various medications). I then remembered that DP had an appointment on Tuesday afternoon so rescheduled with Mum and Dad to go out with them in the afternoon, meaning DP and I could spend the morning and early afternoon with the DCS. Apparently this wasn't good enough and he commented that plans had been changed once again to suit my "fucking mother". I then lost the plot, swore a lot and stormed out of the room.

I got up early yesterday and got myself and the dcs ready and asked if he was going to come out with us but he said no.

I know all families can be hard work but he doesn't seem to miss an opportunity to have a sig or make snide remark. To make matters worse, we have really struggled financially the last few years and my parents have been a massive help buying bits and bobs for the kids. They bought us a washing machine when our last one broke and we didn't have the money et for a new one. Add to all this the fact that they've paid for us to go om holiday for a fortnight. I was reluctant as I felt like they do more than enough for us but DP was very keen to take up the offer which, given the present state of affairs, is a bit of a cheek I think.

I feel like telling everyone (apart from the dcs ) to fuck right off.

[rubmytrotters]

Mistress - you're really not grasping the childcare argument, are you ?

The last time my parents took the kids out by themselves was at Xmas to a panto. Their suggestion and the kids wanted to go. I spent my wild, care free afternoon ironing if I remember correctly.

The last time I asked them to look after the kids for a couple of hours whilst DP and I had an afternoon to ourselves was nearly 3yrs ago when we went out for lunch for my birthday. Hardly taking the piss by any stretch of the imagination. When my brother is on a bender he can sometimes turn up on their doorstep pissed and causing a scene (this was prior to being put on the sex offenders register and to be fair the last time it happened was about 6 months ago) so that's always in the back of my mind too. I don't want the kids seeing that.

[MistressDeeCee]

I don't see why my opinion should bother anyone, there are loads of opinions on here. & tbh even without the childcare aspect its still not on. Grown adults taking money handouts then dissing the person they freely accept from, is enough. Perhaps its part of your DP's dislike, being really keen (your words) to accept the money from your mum. If my man disliked my mum that much I'd be making sure he didn't get a freebie holiday off her back, thats for sure. Its 100% hypocrisy. & you've described other unpleasant behaviour by him too. Maybe as he's man, he gets a "Pass".

I wouldn't want my mum invading my privacy either, and its something I would deal with bluntly. But one doesn't cancel out the other for me, she is wrong but so are you both. Thats about it

[Atenco]

MistressDeeCee, I don't think anyone disagrees with you about accepting money from someone you do not like, it is not done. Even the OP disagrees with this. However there are a number of issues and at the moment her marriage is at risk. Nobody is perfect. I cannot imagine that the OP is going NC with her mother, but her priority, IMHO, is to insist that her mother does not enter their house without waiting for the door to be opened.