Jump right in! It's Dating Thread 102

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Sassy I don't think there is a foolproof method for spotting them unfortunately. The only thing I am now using is systematically making them go the extra mile before I text/agree on a date, but 1) it makes me feel horribly bitchy and 2) it might not deter all tossers as there is still the thrill of the chase. Sorry, that's a long non-answer

Hack yes it sucks, but don't beat yourself up, your radar is working perfectly and sometimes it is very easy not to trust your gut because of some romantic hope.. I also agree with Roland every man who is still living with the ex/has only been separated for a short while is presumed unavailable for a mutually fulfilling relationship until he proves otherwise. I think it is MH who says that a relationship is enough of a roller coaster that you don't want to ride it with the wrong guy. And having bad experiences doesn't mean OLD is not for you, it is just a part of what it is - think of them as fortune cookies, you have to open a shitload of them to find the "happily ever after" one haha.

Fox I think you have MH'd Crumpet . If you can, I would wait until tomorrow to answer and just send a breezy thing. The shorter the better. He is not worth putting too much thought into until he earns that status.

Freaky perhaps Bacon is organizing the date and fretting over where to take you? That is what happened with KarmicIron, he took ages to reply to these "organization" texts compared to his usual texting. If you don't hear anything by the end of the day, I would apply a little pressure in a playful way..

Anna yes you are nailing the MH/WMLB mindset! Empowering, right? Good luck for tonight with NotBansky!

Good luck Trills, given the circumstances I would go there with a bitchy face on, sit back and watch him try to impress.

Small-ish update here, KarmicIron CALLED me yesterday out of the blue and wanted to chat (OMG an iron that picks up the phone!!) but I was out with a friend and didn't see the call until much later (involuntary bitch treatment ). He is definitely sweet and interesting/interested, but I am not sure I am physically attracted to him...yikes.

I am going to work a little more on MrMonkey in the meantime and see if a date is on the cards there. Also need to deal with TinyGrey, at some point. I can't retrieve who has stumbled upon a Grey type, but yes, do read the sex section on OKC! And then don't simmer them

Oh there is a god...
I cancelled my dentist app tomorrow for a date , with the decent OLD date that then turned out to be married.....
Dentist just called...... They found me a cancellation :-)

Nope, he wasn't organizing just working I think, cos he replied and took the bait and asked if we were still on for Sat.

I ended up doing the organizing but only because he's going to drive over here and doesn't know the area so it's all good....WE HAVE A PLAN!

Although I am now a bit as during the course of the conversation he said something like "make sure your profile pics don't portray you as better looking than you actually are" It was probably just a mis-judged joke but it just read a bit...off.

Sassy There's no easy answer is there? Other than not to emotionally invest too soon but a) it's hard to do that when you are being woo'd and b) being all hard-faced would take some of the fun out of dating.

Jollyx That's sweet of KarmicIron. Do you think you could grow to fancy him?

Agree with Roland, avoid pilots.
I went on a date with a pilot and he was very entiled and pompous. and boring. Only laughed at his own jokes.

Oh no, we're good! It was just a mis-judged joke. He's apologised for being off-form (due to illness) and is back to being charming and funny

Yay Freaky, I will be tuning in for the Bacon date episode 1

I think KarmicIron could grow on me despite being very much on the metrosexual side and not my dream lumberjack.. We actually had a conversation about women being turned on by the dominant types, he is genuinely puzzled as to why we seem to go for those guys. I like this respectful and caring side of him. I just need him to tap into his wild side more often

Phew, Freaky! I'd have been worried by that comment too. And you have plans for Saturday night! Woo hoo! What are you doing?

JollyX, it was me who mentioned finding one of my potential irons was into kinky/fetish stuff. I mentioned it in my most recent message to him and he said he'd been light-hearted when filling the questions in and hadn't been able to change his answers because of tech problems. Is it me or does this smell of BS?

JollyX (again) Four years ago I met Mr C through OLD. It really impressed me when he phoned me rather than texting me. Do you think you could grow to fancy KarmicIron or is it a complete no-no?

Anna, good luck tonight! Sounds like it could be a good date. I'm intrigued by his name, too. As for Mr Familiar, there are only two things putting me off him at the moment - the fact I've seen him on OLD sites for so long, and the fish photo! Other than that he seems quite nice. It's early days as we've only exchanged a couple of messages. But thinking about whether he'd be in my top 3 irons is an interesting question.

Geordie, what was the sexy baker like?

Sassy, I agree with Geordie that he may have been trying to save face.

Brightmoon, well done for getting back online - hope you find some good irons to make it worth your while.

Another man (out of the four I messaged yesterday on OKC) has replied with a nice message, hooray! But I don't think the remaining two will - one has been online this morning and not replied, and the other hasn't logged in for nearly a week.

salut, salut tout le monde! I don't recognise any names apart from I think JustEat! didn't stick around that long but was here around Feb time....

my FWB situation is still as ridiculous as ever....I got an 'i love you' last week, but I just think it's because she was a bit bothered that I slept with someone else and a guy at that (mimetic/mediated triangular desire, I can't push away this thought)....am 99% sure she doesn't mean it so I am a little bothered myself :( haven't seen her for two weeks cos of Easter hols & being abroad, and she is supposed to be coming to stay for a bit next week.

IToldYou it is a little misjudged! Can't quite put my finger on why it's U but it's almost like he's holding you to a contract and you owe nothing to each other yet. Still though, most of us would think something like that at some point! glad you're good with it too

Gohack sorry about MM, what a dick :(

JollyX, I like the sound of KarmicIron. I don't like dominant men at all and have never been attracted to them.

We're meeting at 7 in a bar and seeing where the night takes us...I like it, the right mix of plan and spontaneity...I believe MH would approve!

Goldfish I smell a bit of BS. It is posisble to change the answers on OKC but a a bit of a faff. But then, if he can't be bothered with faff and knows it could be offputting to potentional dates, it's not a great sign, is it?

Oh phew, it's sorted! The time and the date and the place.

my date, he has made me chase him. And I enjoyed the chase. It's much better being a man. He remembered my online detection activities from the last time we chatted and set me the challenge of contacting him on email. My prize when I tracked him down was a date with him. I feel a bit labrador though. Got to dial it back a notch. Rule four.

I hate dominant men too. Even if they're nagging you to do stuff for your own good it's annoying. Mostly though, they're persuading you to do things that suit them.

freaky, i got chatting to a man who said "if you don't look like your photos, ............we'll keep drinking til you do"
Goes both ways!

Velour, I remember you, She was telling you she couldn't be with you because your mutual friend might be confused!? But now you have heard ''i love you''. That is progress!

Ive seen that line about drinking a few times on profiles. Did make me contact someone though i said if i do look like my profile you buying thr drinks all night!

I've seen the "if you don't look like your profile pics, you are buying the drinks until you do!" line A LOT and it's always made me cringe so I was disappointed that Bacon came out what sounds like a variation of it.
But I really don't think it was, we had some EXCELLENT banter after that and he said he's looking forward to Saturday and I've promised him a lecture on feminist theory so, all in all, things are looking good!

Velour I remember you too! I was around in Feb, under a different name. Nice to see you back but sorry things are still complicated. How are you feeling about her coming to stay and have you been in contact while she's been away?

I'm so enjoying following everyone's dating stories on here.

Another one who would make crumpet sweat a bit (ew sweaty crumpets) and not reply for a couple of days. What's good for the goose...

Hoping that all the dates coming up go well.

I'm still unsure about tinder. I like the app but I don't understand why so many people match with you but don't send a message! Baffling. The only guy that I've been enjoying chat with on there has told me that he is five foot seven (I'm five six) he seems to have a bit of a chip on his shoulder about it. Probably sounds shallow but I do prefer someone slightly taller. Should I nip it in the bud now? Or try to push past the shallow horrible bit of my gut that's shouting 'NOOOO I NEED HEELS'

Not if he has chip on his shoulder I wouldn't. or is he just apologising for himself. i do that sometimes

Date update with NotBanksy no. No, no, no, no, no. And a thousand times no. I practically ran.
I've met my friends pre-gig now so I'll update more later.
Can anyone compose me a 'thanks but no thanks' text? Tonight was a pre date date before a proper one tomorrow so I need to cancel sharpish and not leave any room for him to ask again.

Lol at your date anna. I'd just say

'lovely to meet you earlier but not feeling the connection. I'd rather not waste your time so think we should cancel tmrw. Best of luck in your search'

Short, polite, but leaving no room for discussion

What Sassy said is perfect, Anna.

MrsLannister I believe that men who do not message after a match are just on there for the ego massage, aka these are men you don't want to date. I troll them when I get bored haha

Freaky I'm so glad plans have been made, I'm at a friends on Saturday but I'll be logging on for updates!

Anna what a shame about NotBanksy, Sassy's message is perfect.

MrsLannister I have about 50 matches at any one time and only about a fifth of them attempt to make conversation. I don't worry about the others, although I will occasionally send the first message after a couple of days as a little nudge if someone looks like they would make a hot iron!

I'm still undecided about when I'm going to reply to Crumpet...

JollyX Karmiciron sounds promising but for me, there has to be physical attraction. it sounds like he is worth continuing to date to see if anything will grow attraction wise.

Anna, what a shame. You had high hopes for him, didn't you? What didn't you like about him? I also agree that Sassy's text is perfect. Hope you enjoy the gig with your friends.

MrsLannister, most of the men who contact me are roughly my height. I do sometimes meet them (and even end up in a relationship with them) but I'd love someone taller... If he's got a chip on his shoulder about it, that makes it more of an issue, though.

Foxtrot, I'd wait a bit longer to text Crumpet if you can. After all, he made you wait 3 days.

ok, just discovered my date on Sunday is going to be a sober date. Because he has to work the next day. I think he only drinks moderately (wine with food) Friday and Saturday night. are we compatible
I feel it would be easier with a drink. It's a REAL test without a drink isn't it?

Thanks sassy text sent.

I did have high hopes for him, yes. I'll write about it later.

I'm not very good at keeping up with you all, but work is manic ((and have 7 weeks before a possible redundancy situation [joys of working in the not for profit sector, I guess).

Anyways, Freaky I'm also marking my place for your Saturday date with Bacon! It does feel as though you've both got the 'gist' of each other .

Nineirons/Anna how the hell you had 9 irons on the go, I don't know, but kudos to you .

Sassy that's just the biggest 'faux paux' he could have made by sending you an 'accidental' message, but well done for binning him off, as if he can be so 'crass' at this point, then he's not worth diidly squit!

Harriet I'm sorry, but I did have a chuckle at your ex's new girlfriend confiding in you that she "wasn't happy". Not because of any malice towards her, but like you said, it was a 'right' decision for you.

Waving we are all dying for an update [swoon]

Handy as I am for you? What's occurring with Twix.

I think I'm addicted to this thread