Jump right in! It's Dating Thread 102

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

314 Landscape is 38, I'm 39. He's already unmatched me on tinder. He will be such a good match for somebody but I wonder if he has too long a list of desirables and whether he's looking for the perfect scenario. He has enough information about me that he could find me if he wanted to but it's quite unlikely.

muddling I'm finding it much the same where I am.

I think whatsapp man (I'll call him Batman) is penpal only material.

Scarftown, i may have been wrong about the nerd thing. He is too funny.
But i cant chang his name again!
Foxtrot, tricky at your ages. Bear is three years younger than me.

.

Hi,
I'm a lurker normally- but I wanted to post here to get off my chest (got another post on being angry too!)

I entered into OLD again, I dabble every few months, get disheartened and come off.

Once again I'm so dissapointed ....
Met a guy a week ago whose profile was great, messages were great.before we met he confessed was still living in marital home but viewing properties.
I would normally have said thanks but no thanks, I decided to not be so harsh on him and met for a drink.

I really liked him- first date in about 8 over 2 years that I liked.
Got on really well- he texted etc
But then it went downhill.
We organised to meet Saturday but then few hours later he claimed he was going to be out at an event he forgot.fair enough, reorganised for Friday.... When I asked if he could book the tickets as I was working alot( I normally would) he then decided that he didn't fancy it as he's been a bit ill with chest infection and may be too much laughing?!?! Warning bell number 2

The final alarm bells sounded well and clear when two days on trot I rang him early morning on way to work.... An he didn't answer, both times he'd been texting immediately prior an after I called saying phone on silent.... Didn't just automatically return the call.
Then would ring/text in daytime but evening time was just texting.
By now I realise he's married still - I put all of this to him via texts and he claims just doesn't like chatting whilst ex there...blah blah blah the list of excuses went on an then the accusations that why am I being like this perhaps I have trust issues.

I'm gutted because normally my radar for bad guys is switched on- I've never had a 2nd date with anyone because my radar is on... I got duped this time briefly.....,
So given up with OLD again an am sad and upset at that because just where am I gonna meet someone being f/t working mum of two ?!?! I've tried meet up groups- but that's all women!!

Sorry turned long- just had to get off chest.... I'm sure others may have been duped the same way an I'm not only one??

He's still married...

It may be a bad marriage. And this time next year he may be telling the truth when he says he's separated but right now, he's married . :-/

Your radar WAS switched on!! You decided to over ride your radar, remember! So don't come out of this doubting yourself. This experience proves your radar won't let yyou down.

Hack whether he's separated and still living in the marital home together or actually still a fully married couple the fact is he is still married and living with another woman.

I've come across the twice in OLD the first time i do believe he was telling the truth. He only told me 2 hours before a planned date. I went but told him I could offer nothing more than friendship, he was lovely and agrees friendship would be fine with him. We've kept in touch via what's app and he's genuinely lovely. He's now sold the marital home and moved out.

Second time I refused a date and told him further down the line if I'm still single when he has moved out and moved on I would go for a drink with him.

This guy has masses of baggage and if you continued seeing him (if he is separated) you'd be the one picking up the pieces of him going through a divorce etc.

Just tell him if you are still single in 6 months when he's moved out and is officially single then you'd consider going on a date.

Thanks justeat-

Yeah I agree- I said that to him and have now ceased contact- I think he got the message now.

It's just so bloody disappointing .... In my experience so far men are complete lying arses- overruled by their sexual needs ! I'm sure there's women out there to but not in high as numbers- oh well onwards and upwards....... OLD is not for me as it appears I don't have good experiences with it:-(

Ah just when a second date was mentioned he doesn't reply to my text again! He texted to say sorry his replies are late, his child is keeping him busy this week. I replied and said it's understandable and asked how he was, had they had fun etc. That was at 6pm and still no reply. He always usually replies before bed but nothing! I can't help but feel paranoid again. I must stop!

I was meant to go on another date tonight. The guy messaged and I politely said that I wasn't interested.

There are good men out there. Really honestly there are. You just have to kiss many many frogs more like toads before meeting the one who's compatible with you and wants a monogamous relationship.

I've not met him yet but I've never given up hope that I will, hopefully before I'm 65!

And the very second I sent that, he replied!

Roland I believe there are too. I think when you've had a bad break up it makes you think no men out there are good ones! I am slowly believing that there are some good ones left though

Morning all

gohack don't be disheartened. Well do so, it is natural but he's just one person. Yes a few of us have had that happen, myself included. You just have to remind yourself that he's a one off and that there are many out there not in that situation.
Delete his details and focus on other people.

fox I'd pick Tom over irons any day of the week!

anna I am in awe of your iron handling skills. I simply don't have the energy. Haven't been on bumble or Happn for a couple of weeks.

scarf nicely closure on mrm. You feeling ok?

anna nope. Not remotely overthinking the mrfrench thing. If we stay as friends who meet occasionally that's fine. If not, then we shall see. Ball is in his court to ask me out.

shame I'm the exact same with messages. Yes we have met, we were due to have date number 3 on Saturday.

freaky that is not good luck with both being closed. I'd have been

Thank you to all who have replied. I'm glad my reaction is spot on. I'm not hurt (at all) but it's made me cool considerably. I'm going to cancel Saturday and meet my friends instead. He's texted this morning again. Similar time to yesterday, it's like he has a window each morning to message his women. I'm also a believer in the fact that these alarms/ red flags appear early on for a reason. I'm not ignoring this one.

Happy Thursday all! Any dates aside from the bacon Saturday date? When is waving back?

Sod's law Harriet! Glad he texted. Do you think he could possibly be seeing others/ have other irons that's why he's taking ages to respond? Possibly simmering you. Sorry I don't mean to upset or offend you.

Welcome to the thread hack sorry you've had shitty experiences so far with OLD, I'm pretty sure most if not all, the ladies on here will have a story or 2 of disaster to tell. BUT there are currently some great and super happy success stories from this thread and a few loved up and going exceptionally well! They would have had to kiss a fair amount of frogs before getting to where they are now, so dust yourself off and keep swiping!
harriet I'm glad he replied, any sign of date 2? Remember you are the prize and let him hunt you down!!

Date this evening with MrThursday, who cancelled on me two weeks ago. (I messaged him on the Weds night to ask "what time shall we meet?" and he cancelled).
We arranged this date on Monday, and I've had no communication since.
I'm not impressed.

GoHack Don't blame yourself! 314 is right, your radar was switched on and you've done the right thing by calling him out and cutting contact. And he was a total dick by trying to turn it round on you and accuse you of having trust issues!

FWIW, I've never (knowingly) come across married men on OLD. My particular speciality appears to be slightly tortured types that apparently adore me but can't commit to relationships, or decent nice men that I just don't click with.

But whatever your particular experience, OLD can be a massive headfuck and really, really hard work. If it wasn't for the support of this thread, helping me to have the right attitude and providing stories of when it actually works, I'd have thrown the towel in long ago! So, if you do decide to stick with it, then please keep posting here...

314 yay for Sunday date with DrNN!

Foxtrot Sorry about Landscape. You're right, quality irons do ebb and flow...more will be along soon. BatmanPenpal might keep you distracted in the meantime!

Anna Good work with the culling and cultivation...it's like gardening really, isn't it?

Myself I'm also feeling very disheartened and jaded by my first 3 weeks OLD.
My findings thus far are this...

OKC: lots of messages, but every one has been really not for me, I haven't seen anyone on this site REMOTELY attractive in my age bracket

POF: My nearest miss of actually getting a date (partyboy) and also slowburner came from here. I find a fair few each time I have a look that I like, send messages to each, probably 4/5 a day but rarely get a reply! It's hard going when you can see they have viewed you, and you've put effort into sending a chatty message referencing something in their profile etc but get ignored most of the time

TINDER: enjoy using this, it's easier and not so disheartening swiping merrily along. BUT why the heck the majority of matches when you get them, don't want to talk is beyond me?? I have had 10/15 matches in the 3 days of using, only 2 messaged me first and we did manage a conversation the rest either ignored my message, we ignored each other, or sent lewd ones. My only requests for kinky, ONS and hook ups have come from here, so I'd suggest its reputation is valid from my experience anyway...

#willIevergetadate

And the very second I sent that, he replied!

That's happened to me so often! The mojo on this thread is strong! Hope it was a good reply and that you get a 2nd date set up soon.

Trills That's rubbish about MrThursday, he's really not putting much effort in is he? Have you met him yet?

Roland I really don't think so! I think I believe him in terms of being so busy with work and his son, I just aren't used to it.

I forgot to mention, I saw my exes new girlfriend the other night and she told me how unhappy she was. I feel slightly happe

happier knowing i got a lucky escape*!

Oh and I forgot to say, what's with tinder having such a high number of apparent skiing buffs? And airline pilots! Cycling, jumping out of planes and body builders! No seemingly typical blokes on there, all super hero types which clearly they are not or they wouldn't be single!! And OMG the hilarity of men saying they are in early 40's when most look over 50+

Last stay away from pilots, I work with them (trolley dolly) all the ones who use OLD are players'

Harriet good, I bet in a weird way that made you feel like she's stuck with him now! And yes being a single parent doesn't make dating easy. And sometimes comes my dd's bedtime I'm so shattered after running around with her all day often I don't feel like responding to any texts, usually happy to chill watching tv.

Trills how annoying! I've had men do this to me. I cut them off if they do it a second time.

Excuse all my typos

Right ladies, just checking in on the dating thread....
Been OLD since Feb been on a couple of meh dates nothing to report then met someone a few weeks ago....
Seemed nice got on well seemed to have lots in common, fast forward to date three and we did the dirty deed 😳 That was last weekend felt wobbly afterwards....
Before the date lots and lots on contact on whatsapp, then since the weekend this seems to have petered out, but he has contacted me to arrange another date this coming weekend....
I feel silly cos anxious about whether he will be in contact, etc was it all too soon for you know being intimate 😳 Or am I just over thinking.
It's bloody hard to know what to do?
Yours, a very rusty OLDer lol xxxxx

last yes!!! Or you get the weirdos that appear in my area last night was someone looking for a woman who enjoys spanking never realised the west midlands was so kinky after the last couple of days...
Also they are mostly called steve or simon