Jump right in! It's Dating Thread 102

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Yeah, he's a good boy really!
I will try to do the positive reinforcement thing if I can find a way of doing it without being needy or schmaltzy. I am definitely going to mention how much I like talking to him on the phone cos I really do, surprisingly, and would like that to continue. Oooh, maybe I need to draw up some Sheldon/Amy style dating rules?!

So did you reply Freaky ?

Hello everybody!

Finally caught up of sorts...

Freaky I am in awe of your Bacon conversation, you got the information you needed and it seemed so effortless! He is so on the same page as you.

Handy you do need to have a similar conversation with Twix, I think after 7 weeks it is becoming necessary. If he is at a similar place to you, he won't be scared away. I hope it goes well. If not, he is not right for you right now.

Waving you have keys!!

314 I love the dishwasher man story

tanya what a horrible time for you, to completely ignore what happened the day after, no acknowledgement at all . Use this to fuel your anger and energy, whatever it takes to move forwards, onwards and upwards.

muddling I'm slightly disappointed about the man who met you at the race ( I hope I'm remembering correctly a few pages on!!) I was hoping for a happy date ending! I'm sure you were too.

Well, I think I've realised my problem with Apple is that he has no smell. There must be some weird chemical thing not happening. I like him, he's brilliant company, the physical side is good but something must not be there. I might see him for a third date. However I seem to have got myself a ridiculously packed social calendar for the next 6 weeks so I don't think any irons will be getting a look in .

Haha yay on Bacon text Freaky! And Handy I suggested that line as something I would have rather received from Karmic than the crap he gave me about not messaging often enough for his taste.. Haha. Speaking from the other side of the table, I think it is a good way to communicate your messaging needs - I mean obviously when you are interested in the person and told how to make them happy, you want to do it.

Just had a nice chat with karmic btw and I am pleased to report I am angst free. This one is not going anywhere I think . Which got me thinking about MBTI compatibility stuff. He has not taken the test but I suspect he is an INFP or INFJ (less likely). I.e. I (ENTP) am going to have to walk on eggshells if I do not want to stomp all over his feelings. Yikes, communication is going to be challenge. Waving seeing as we are the same type, have you figured out what MTG might be?

JollyX what is developing between you and Karmic sounds lovely . I had a chat with Apple about MBTI personality types, I am ESFP or a yellow personality and I'm very aware that my optimism might annoy some people. I do think that opposite types can complement each other.

DrFoxtrot, I find them to be useful. I know some people get uppity at the notion that they can be put in to one of only 16 boxes, and I know we're all snowflakes yes yes yes, but MBPTIs are useful!!!! Just as a guide. I'm not exactly like my type as I'm not that caring but I WAS.

Dr Creepy was ESFP so I'd high hopes that he'd be as entertaining in real life as he was on line, but no, we sat in virtual silence. Odd. With him as an exception I've found them to be a real headsup as to whether i'll 1) click with somebody, and 2) why it;ll end! and so far, it's been right with the exception of dr creepy, if I've known their MBPT that is. Really gives you a clue to potential pitfalls, and it helps me take things less personally. eg, H was entj and very focused on me at the beginning, and like an entj, he did quiz me about my future plans and intentions and also he motivated me and propelled me to get on with a few things I'd been procrastinating over, but as soon as he decided we weren't right, he was outa my life at a million miles an hour. Reading how entjs are in their romantic lives it really helped take the sting out of it. I knew it wasn't personal and that helped me deal with what could otherwise have seemed like an awful rejection.

Mr Canceller was infj and apparently they're guarded, have trust issues, are cautious in romance............ and, sure enough, he cracked jokes all the time, deflected personal questions, and then he reprimanded me for not responding to his messages quickly enough and said in a huff 'dinner isn't a good idea''. I don't know if he wanted me to change his mind because he'd said what music he would have played and what dish he would have cooked.

B is an enfp and they're free spirits and can't commit! They like to keep their options open, apparently. Well, again, that sounds like him. They only want to be with somebody mystical who intrigues them, and /or somebody they can't really have apparently. somebody, I don't know, in prison for example, some body who lives in a different country.

Dr Creepy and I might have got on better if he'd had a fucking drink and relaxed and stopped taking so many calls on his mobile! weird.

Taking calls on mobile? Seriously? OMG. Total dealbreaker!

Jolly I'm afraid I have missed the description of Karmic. I know he seemed nice up thread, so, it's all still going smoothly!? That's great!

It's a week since I fired off my big long message to Bear, and I thought I'd be still feeling doubt. But no, I feel comfortingly certain about it. He got to know me really well, because I was so honest in my communication with him, we got on very well, it felt right to me, so I don't know what there was not to like. But he didn't value my company, he just enjoyed it casually. So our ''friendship'' was insidious in its destruction of my self-esteem So I feel really clear about the decision. I can't spend 5+ hours a week communicating with/thinking about a man who knows me better than anybody I can think of and yet still doesn't want to be with me. That's shit. I did the right thing. And, I can be friends with men. I have a male friend. We contact each other about four times a year and meet up maybe twice a year. We've never kissed. That's normal. That's a real m/f friendship.

Handy, he took three calls during dinner! And although it was from a carer, to do with his aunt, every time the conversation might have got a bit of traction and started rolling forward, his phone would ring and he'd say ''i have to take this'' and disappear.

So ex-H phoned me at 8 last night to say we should probably talk. I sniped at him for not even bothering to say bye on Sunday, and told him I was too tired and it was a conversation we should have in person.

Also, for the olds here, Northerner messaged me late last night and asked how my date was, much to my bemusement. Turns out he was in the same bar. It was super quiet, I was downstairs with CurlyMuso and a group of men walked in but I didn't even notice it was him, and it's a tiny teeny bar!

Had you been out with him before!? (northerner)
Is his interested piqued to know you are circular dating?

Northerner and I met through mutual friends last year, there was much chat and in person flirting and snogging, then he decided he couldn't handle dating someone with kids.

tanya how weird about Northerner! Double creepy! Good for you with ex-H. I hope he was suitably chastened. Good luck today.

314 great that you feel so clear on the Bear thing. Bear was stopping you putting your energy into the right places. Now that block has been removed..... could turn out to be the same with me and Twix.

Had a great sleep and feel kick-ass awesome. Mixture of butterflies re seeing him and feeling strong/confident/knowing I'm the ultra ridiculously high value First Prize. What he says back - is out of my control. So we'll see how the cookie crumbles....

Jollyp Yeah, I did, and messaged this morning too. We're fine. I think a bit of space yesterday was a good thing as that was a fairly intense conversation on Sunday night but I am really pleased he checked in. 5 more sleeps until the sleepover date!

Tanya So are you talking to your ex today? What are you going to say?! That is weird re Northerner. I keep thinking how strange it would be to bump into Mr2015 when I'm on a date with Bacon...but I suspect that Mr2015 is heading into a depression so no one will see him anywhere for a bit...

Jollyx AW re Karmic. Do you think you will be able to walk on eggshells?

Hello everyone!

Freaky i don't know how to do eggshells...

I tend to have strong opinions on just about anything and voice them. I am the elephant in the porcelain shop. It is never personal or mean though, just the way I work. I will use caution when opening my big mouth. But karmic is a bit of a sensitive snowflake so I will have to hand him my operating manual and hope that he will grow a rhino skin on his own. I think he kind of has realized that already..

Waving you would be proud of me, yesterday I resisted trying to fix Karmic's current work issue! Though I was itching to tell him how I would do it but realized there was no way I could do it without him concluding that he is a terrible manager (not entirely wrong - oops ). So I sat on my ENTP hands. Hard.

Yup 314 still going well, Karmic date 4 is happening tomorrow! WTH re DrCreepy and taking calls all the time? I would have been pissed off too. And yes INFJs are not the easiest to date! I dated an ENFP once for a very short time, it was all fantastic sex but he ended it because he "needed his freedom back to pursue that one ex of four years ago who left him to go with a NGO to Africa." Guess why she had dumped him in the first place? Because he would not commit! So he is basically running around trying to get a girl he cannot have anymore, precisely because he once chose his freedom over her. That is one hell of an ENFP mess haha.

Tanya communication is a good step forward, I hope it goes well tonight. Re Northerner I think you should reply - I mean you obviously still have kids (!) so he either has changed his mind or just sent that message randomly. You may be next on the Universe's list I am sure you are reading this thread!

Fox shame re Apple! No smell is weird, very Suskind hahahaha

Handy yay on kick-ass mindset!! You will do great, I have no doubt about that. There is an Amy Young video for you :

Jolly, that is typically enfp I think, hankering after a woman who went to live in Africa instead of waiting to see what the enfp did next! lol.

Is there anywhere online you can do these tests for free? I'm afraid I do fall into the "we're all special snowflakes" camp but I'm also a little intrigued to know what I am...

Jollyx I'm a little too practiced in eggshells. ExP was a moody sod and then I was always worried about tipping Mr2015 into depression or scaring him off. So, I'm saying no more to eggshells or sticking head in the sand. Open, honest communication from here on. (and again, just as I typed that, a message from Bacon, funnily enough, about talking! )

yes

www.16personalities.com

314 I know right? Looking back I am all WTF did I get myself in that?? Haha. From what mutual friends say, I think he is still chasing that poor girl down!

That test is great Freaky, do it it is fun! Re the walking on eggshells, I am not going to attempt it, I know I suck at that. Karmic will have to get a thicker skin. But he is working on it already with regard to his work so I am hopeful it extends to his personal life as well. I am very wary of ending up "dating a project" but the more I get to know him, the more I think it is not the case

Defender here! ISFJ-T. Now need to go read what that actually means...probably that when I do personality tests I spend the whole time going "weeellll, it depends...."

I bet you remember people's birthdays and always send a card!?

I'm so over it now Jolly. It's amazing how quickly things have come in to focus now. I was fine about things until I had my epiphany. So it's not like I regret getting together with him over xmas or easter, not at all actually
I'm just glad that as soon as I saw it clearly, epiphany style, that I really liked him but he was just kiling time with me, I'm glad i felt so insulted. That's good right, sign of a healthy self-esteem.

Yay 314, happy to hear that! I am not surprised actually, I think your self-esteem has always been there, it just got smothered in layers of Bear companionship. SAHP are really good at making their crumbs look like a giant cake, aren't they?! When I was dating Popcorn I was convinced that was the real deal - when in fact he was not putting any effort and just distracting himself. That is why I think AY's mantra "genuine interest, genuine focus, or NOTHING" is brilliant as a baseline. I am not dealing with anyone who falls short of that from now on.

Haha Freaky . One of my best friends is an ISFJ - she is such a good-hearted woman, I feel like a proper ass next to her.

I'm an INFP to a tee, pretty much!

Not sure what the score was with Northerner, they could have said hi on Saturday, but as he and his are still part of my friend groups, but he was obviously weirded......jealous?!

Hahahahaha oh JollyX that Amy Young vid is utterly hilarious!!!!! 'I wanna hold your hand mix tape' and 'Word Vomit just a little bit' had me roaring with laughter!!

Am deffo gonna have to subscribe for her email updates. She is great. I luffs her a little bit this evening. Which could be a good thing because tomorrow I could be consulting her tomorrow for breakup advice. God I hope not.

Leaving in 20mins. Wearing my kick-ass boots. What I dread the most is not 'Yey' or 'nay' but 'mmm not sure, let's see how it goes' lukewarm sitting-on-the-fence shit.

Wish me luck, brilliant ladies.