Jump right in! It's Dating Thread 102

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

My tinder search Just comes up with loads of men taking pictures in the gym mirror looking v v vain or with their tops off. Some haven't even got a body I'd be proud to show off so not quite sure why they do it.

Blimey, I have backed right off and Crumpet sent a text this morning! A normal chatty text. Maybe he is just a slow non-texter after all. But at least I'm not waiting around for him. I'll reply later and if he wants another date he will have to do the moose hunting.

Sassy I would be upset too if I got a text meant for another woman. But also I feel slightly uncomfortable knowing I could be texting two men at once. It would definitely take the shine off the person making the mistake, he should feel like a right tool.

Trills I need communication between dates too. It keep the attraction going for me. And Will welcome to the thread! I think little contact after dtd is poor, that's pretty much what's happened with me and Crumpet although he was a non texter to begin with so hasn't really changed. Are you going to to see him again?

Hack I trust my instincts when it comes to possible married men, your radar was working just fine. I also do a Facebook/ internet stalk. I'm getting good at it and you can find virtually anybody from their tinder profile and any snippets of info.

last I find there's a huge variation in the men over 40, some are blatantly over 50+ or have not looked after themselves very well at all!

RolandRat, I often feel the same as you - too shattered when it comes to DC's bedtime to be able to respond to texts/messages properly.

Anna, I wish I'd read your message before I started chatting to the OKC guy last night. I'd looked at his answers to the racism/sexism questions, and all seemed fine. But when I looked at his answers to the sex questions, it turns out he's very kinky with a fetish - and that's not for me! So although we're a good match interests-wise and could possibly be friends, I won't be cultivating him as a potential iron.

Meanwhile, Mr Runner (he of the brief messages with no questions) seems to have done a runner. Perhaps it's my fault as I started sending the same kind of messages as him, but I was fed up of showing interest and asking questions only to get nothing in return.

I'm left with one iron, Mr Familiar. He seems nice so far, but I'm sure I've seen him on dating sites for years, which worries me. Then again, I suppose I must've been there to see him, so I'm probably a big hypocrite...

DrFoxtrot, how long did Crumpet take to reply? It's about 3 days, isn't it? That's ridiculous. I think you have the right idea - if he wants another date he'll have to step up his ideas, get his moose hunting boots on and ask you for a date. Being laid-back is one thing, but he's so slow he'd have trouble hunting a tortoise, let alone a moose. It's great that you haven't got upset by it though.

Roland Goldfish He apologised for not replying and said his child has had him knackered! I think it's different for me to understand as I aren't a parent (and I'm a bit of phone nerd, hand is glued to it!)

Goldfish it has been three days. There will have to be some moose hunting from here. I'm laughing at the thought of him not being able to hunt a tortoise . I will reply in a similar chatty manner later and he will have to suggest a date if he wants one. I would like to see him again but I'm going to make very little effort unless he steps up.

In the meantime I'm still swiping! I could be snapped up at any second! The distraction and thread has helped so much, my thick dating skin is pretty well developed now.

Foxtrot You sound like you have the right attitude! He really needs to step his game up.

Goldfish I feel the same about people I see on OLD sites all the time. I've been OLD since July 2014, on an off and I still see the same old faces hanging around...but then, as you say, I am still hanging around too and I'm a bloody catch!

So, I was going to wait until later to message Bacon but I cracked and sent a "hey, how are you?" type message. He's replied with a nice chatty message saying he's been a bit under the weather this week which might explain lack of messaging, maybe? Anyway, I've replied to say I am fine and looking forward to the weekend (hint, hint!) so we'll see what happens.

It's the "not knowing" bit of OLD that really gets to me. If I can manage to secure a date and we meet up and don't get on...that's fine, I can deal with that. But the not having anything in the diary or, even worse, people just ghosting drives me fecking nuts!

fox I can't believe crumpet has risen from the dead! There is slow texting and then there is being rude!

sassy have you been in contact with duplicate texted since? 3 dates in I would expect a level of being 'special' to someone. That is normal surely?

I have a date with math tomorrow night, I'm getting a bit about always having to go over to his town (10 miles away). He can't leave his dogs overnight which is fair enough. Think I'm a bit hormonal today ha!

freaky get that streaky bacon nailed down to details of the date!!

Gohack I think you are being unnecessarily hard on yourself. You acted in good faith, lots of my friends have had periods of being separated but living together one couple for 6 long years so it does happen. Your gut feeling was right and you did the right thing. He's the one who is married. I do know it's hard going but process it and move on

sassy listen to those red flags. He wouldn't be attentive enough for me. Time for more irons?
I have a system for OLD and Freaky yes, it is a bit like gardening except that I don't hang about.

How do you feel about MrFamiliar Goldfish? From your post it sounds as though he's the last man standing if you had 10 irons and you had to get rid of 7 would he be in your top 3? If not I think it's time to look for more irons again.

lastnick you will get a date. Is it worth stepping away for a day or two and doing some things you enjoy before plunging back in again? I need to have the right gung ho attitude for OLD and if I'm not on top of it that's when I let the meh irons creep in.
FWIW I don't like Tinder either.

I have children harriet and even when they were small I could have sent a text the same day. I think 3 days is too long. Don't settle for crumbs if he wants you he'll make some effort.

Willmum step away from your phone, distract yourself and do something else. Please remind me of this when I'm waiting for contact too

DrFoxtrot it's good that crumpet sent a text but like harriet you are the prize and it doesn't seem as though he's seeing that right now.

Freaky any news on the timing of the date with bacon?

Having read back my post is quite firm today but I think hope I'm echoing MH and WMLB. Having been a thread lurker for ages you all sound brilliant and far too good to settle for waiting for days for contact and scraping the bottom of the barrel. I do think that to some extent at least we get back what we put out so if people set their OLD expectations high then they'll get better irons.

I have a quick drink date tonight with NotBanksy, I'm in his city going to a gig at about the time he finishes work so we're meeting up. If it goes well we're on for tomorrow night too. I'm quite excited about it. I hope he looks like his photo.

No, nothing yet. I sent the message at 10.30 and he's been online since but not replied. Still, I didn't actually ask any questions, just dropped a hint about looking forward to the weekend, so I guess he could just be busy at work and planning to reply later?
I'm really trying to stay positive but I'm getting a bad feeling starting to creep in...

Anna the 3 days was Fox I believe, not me :)

Ah sorry harriet there was a lot of remembering in that post

I don't know how people remember to namecheck everyone correctly

It was 3 days for Crumpet to text. I'll reply later this evening. I am the prize and he either wants it or he doesn't. I'm not going to be mentioning anything about a third date. I'm not that impressed so far.

Freaky I've had that feeling in the past, it's awful. Hopefully though he's working and will reply properly later.

Anna I absolutely love the way you deal with irons - if he wouldn't be in the top 3 look for more irons.

Quick update.

I've cancelled tattoo on Saturday and also told him that I'm not particularly feeling it anymore since getting that message. He replied straightaway saying he agreed! .
Another clear lesson in why not to ignore gut instinct. He wasn't even fazed by my saying I'm no longer interested. Another one totally doing the whole 'I think you are amazing' to about 10 women and totally not meaning it. How on earth do we spot these low life out and out liars from the beginning? Thank goodness he messed up and sent me that.

I'm definitely going to take a break from OLD for the next few months and focus instead on getting out and about in RL and meeting people that way....plus seeing out the irons I still have.

Men are definitely complicated to understand. Good for you sassy for telling Mrtatoo you're not interested. Generally our gut instinct is correct!

I'd also make crumpet wait longer for a message back, if you do send one at all. Having said that I would be rubbish at making him wait too.

I'm back online now after my mess but not really feeling it!

Sassy very well dealt with and I agree with always listening to your instincts. I said earlier about me sending messages to a few different irons but they are not of the more intimate, personal variety. When I send messages I mean what I say in them.

I'm close to having a break from OLD but whenever I've said that, things have picked up again unexpectedly! I'm replying to Crumpet this evening, I won't wait a few days as I don't actually care what he thinks yet anyway. I don't care if he thinks I'm keen, lost interest, bored, whether I want a third date or not. He's not got me hooked yet!

Fox mirror his time it takes to respond. That's what most dating gurus suggest. He takes 3 days you take 3 days then respond with a breezy hi, I've been so busy text. Trust me it works! He will be messaging you see where you are before you respond.

Sassy he may have just been trying to save face by pretending he wasn't fussed.

Do you think? I'm not usually one for leaving it so long

Anyone on a date tonight? I was supposed to be on a date with a microbiologist last night but had to cancel due to getting too drunk with friends earlier in the day, ooops! (Told him it was food poisoning).

Got date #3 with the Russian tonight. Will do a loo update on the FB group (can't update MN on my phone for some reason).

MrsRolandRat I went on a date with a sexy Baker earlier in the week. He took ages to get back to me (claimed he'd been working long hours). It put me right off him. I saw it as rude to not even send a quick msg. I think once you hit your 30s game-playing is crap.

Me Geordie! I'm on a quick drink date.