Jump right in! It's Dating Thread 102

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Really hard to acknowledge that the interest isn't genuine and isn't focused isn't reciprocated yes. Hot and cold blah blah blah.

I'm going to listen to this again. I listened to her ''get turned off'' (if he won't commit) about 20 times and it helped tweak my baseline, ykwim? you can tell yourself some thing but it doesn't penetrate the 'standard' immediately.

Yes 314 I definitely get what you mean. I think I am responsible for at least 20 of her YouTube views on that video alone. It really helped me get over Maple and give a chance to Karmic though! Hope it works for you too!

Aw 314 you cute puppy you! I am now giving faaaar too much thought to what kind of dog I am. I'm a bit like my sister's rescue dog (Mongel)...a bit nervy and anxious due to past trauma but with lots of love to give and incredibly loyal to the right person.

And Jolly I'm not sure if I DID MH Bacon, I was just honest. And might have shown my hand a bit too much by telling him that I really like him. But he said he really liked me too. And I think he might be a little insecure, under his Blarney exterior. And I did use MH-style language...not "please reassure me" but "these are my standards, are you up to it?" Meh, I dunno. It seemed to work last night!

I just listened to that one another three times. I have a forcefield around myself sometimes, preventing me from raising that bar. I need to send a crack team in, inside a trojan horse, to get me to raise that bar. It's working though. This thread, Matthew Hussey, Amy Young, all of you, the experiences I've had............ I really feel, right, now I'm ready for a boyfriend! (at 45!) god I hope it#s not too late.

Freaky, yes, I agree with you, you set your standard to bacon........ if he is in and out now SAS style without a backward glance then he is a cad and a bounder. I think he was raised too well to be a cad and a bounder. I'd say the mummy would be disgusted by that kind of behaviour. Does he have older sisters?

Find me a man with about 3 (even 4) older sisters. That's what I want! I might put that in my profile!

It's not too late 314!! Just shows how much that dating thing is not really about finding someone as it is about finding yourself first! I am almost hitting the 6 months dating mark, and omg I can't believe how much I have learnt.

314 I heart you, and not just because of your cute puppy floppy ears either. You are more of a lioness if you ask me!! Gorgeous and strong!

tanya how are you feeling today? Did you sleep? Have you messaged stbxh? There's prob an update on fb....

And yep you're on the money Jollyx I'm going for the 'investment checkup' and 'opening up a space for this stuff' angle.

He's a very 'go with the flow' arty guy. But there's a fine line, potentially, between this and SAHP.... So that's why I need clarification.

I'll be chanelling MH and my therapist and if I can hold my nerve I will be breezy - and then watch him like a hawk while he responds!

haha! He's the eldest 314 and I do believe his mammy has raised him right.
My brother has two older sisters and he sucks at relationships though so it doesn't always follow.

oh right freaky. That's that theory out the window. Well it's not scientific, but weirdly I do tend to get on brilliantly with men when they are the youngest in their family and all of their older siblings are sisters.

handy thank you so much

Jolly! let's hope. Thank you. And that's perfectly expressed, an investment check up. Who wants to invest all their money in to VCRs right?!

Jolly I know, if I were chatting to somebody who was about to embark upon OLD now, I'd say that, do it for six months to see what you LEARN. Reflect. Re-commence......... I'm in reflection at the moment.

Hi everyone, just a quick update! I'll have to read through the last four pages later on.

Date with Apple yesterday involving a meal at his, I went to him again, film and wine then the adult sleepover . I think my problem is that I like him and I don't think I want to. I'm holding myself back for some reason. I'm sure that means something isn't right instinctively. I'm hoping to see him a third time and that might not be for two weeks. That time will give me chance to relax a bit and maybe chat to a few other matches.

Handy, hello, I'm here. I sort of slept, but not until late. I have messaged ex-h, but only about the girls. It's just cemented in my mind that we don't belong together. Fssssakes, he said bye to the girls when he left and not to me. He's made me feel crappy and invisible all over again. I'm so tired and feeling rubbish today, I start a new job tomorrow, so I just have to draw a line under it. I will tell him tomorrow when he comes round that it was a mistake, it's made things super-clear for me and it will not happen again.

Refreshed my POF, so just going to move on.

Hey Superfly, the brief summary of my story is that split up with my husband in August 2014, started dabbling with dating late last year, been on a few dates, one notable one who I completely fell for but he turned out to be the proto-SAHP (self-absorbed hipster prick, if we're still using that phrase!). I went on a date on Saturday night with a lovely, lovely man, but a bit too vulnerable for me. My ex-H was crashing at mine to look after our kids (it's been an amicable split). My friend was having dramas, so I cut my date short to find out where she was. Went home, ended up sharing a bottle of wine and watching a film with ex-H, and the inevitable happened. He left yesterday without even acknowledging / discussing what had happened, he didn't even say bye to me, just the kids, and I just feel stupid. I don't even want a reconciliation, was just having a wobble and needed company, and it's shown that nothing has changed and if we got back together, it would exactly the same as it was before - no communication, feeling completely invisible in my own home.

That's such a horrible way to feel, tanya

Sounds like it was a perfect storm - long period of being amicable, crap date, lots of wine... so impressive you are drawing a line here.

Good luck for tomorrow

Oh tamydm, that is sad. :-/ Him making you feel invisible in your own home i mean. I wouldnt give my x a cup of tea so i cant imagine navigating an 'amicable' relationship.
Now you know it wnt happen again.

Good luck in the new job !

waving when you and MTG get spliced will it be the first thread wedding? And will we get loo updates?

Amy Young is very good.

I like her mantras.

Mixed messages are not my thing
My bruised ego is not the boss of me
I rearrange my life for NO MAN
If he won't commit, you need to GET TURNED OFF
Genuine Interest, Genuine focus or NOTHING

oh yeah, and....

Do I even like him ??

Waving sorry, I missed that it was you who asked was Amy Young any good! You don't need her :-P

314 those should all be in the rules. In bold. Can't believe the time I wasted on guy who were not genuinely interested or focused, or had not made it clear they were either BEFORE I invested emotionally. Which is pretty much all my dates until MrOrganizedYogi (binned because of blatant lack of focus) and Karmic (not binned because checks the above boxes). It is like a freaking epiphany, haha .

Waving you guys are too cute haha. I am still firmly on the swooning bench but slowly edging towards yours! Karmic is lovely. Really. No idea where the thing we seem to have is going but he cares about it and that is a very welcome change in my dating life. That and the moose hunting boots. They suit him

Looks like everyone is busy swiping like mad tonight or living their Amazing Life

Hmmm, does MH have a way to get a guy to text more without coming across as needy? Not heard from Bacon at all today and while I am really not stressing, cos we had that amazing actual conversation last night which is worth 100 messages , it would have been nice to have SOMETHING! But I am not going to fall into the neediness trap now by texting...think I will just do a breezy Good Morning text tomorrow.
Anyway, how to address for future? Slightly concerned that now he knows he's "bagged" me, he's not chasing anymore and that's the end of messages...or at least less of them...

Mmm Freaky I think someone mentioned on here recently the idea of replying to his next text 'when I get a message from you it makes me smile' or something. Sort of positive reinforcement?

Too schmaltzy?? I know what you mean about at least one text per day. Just a bit of keeping in touch... It matters I think.

Texting in the morning is a good plan I think.

Haha! The power of the thread strikes again! Literally as soon as I posted that, he messaged saying he remembered Mondays are my busy days (they are not specially!) but just wanted to say hi and goodnight. Lovely!

Ah, lovely.