Jump right in! It's Dating Thread 102

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Hello everyone!

Muddling yay on date tonight! I like the way you two dealt with the first date/non date, we could all do with low pressure first meetings!

High five Freaky!

Yes Goldfish definitely go on a second date.

Lots of uninspiring first dates last night, but first dates are not easy to get and go through so take a minute to give yourself a pat on the back for getting out there, you deserve it!

for Tanya, hope you manage to get a clearer view on the situation

Anna the only thing you need to be convinced of is that CaptPugwash is a disrespectful ass who must have terrible self esteem to make this kind of comment. Aka not someone you want to date, let alone who's opinion matter. Delete, block, and tell your mirror "I am hot" until it sinks in.

Re the thread/FB thing, I get where you guys are coming from but I do not think this thread will ever become a Moldie case - people are just here for support and advice and a good laugh. I have been here for at least 15 threads and I am not leaving. In the wise words of Freaky, "the thread is therapy and FB is the pub." Turns out I need both to go through OLD haha

Handy I think I am having Karmic withdrawal syndrome too, he is away until Tuesday and much quieter... Argh. Must get on with amazing life until wine o'clock. Why are you waiting re Tuesday? It is your child free night, I think you can ask

Honey I would just leave it, if he is not interested enough to make a date happen then he is not worth your time and headspace. If he has a lightbulb moment and wants to reschedule, make him work for it. And (this should be in the rules!) never sit around for him to call, don't put your life on hold for a date, it is not worth it.

Happy Sunday!

Freaky!!

this is for you

Hot sizzling Bacon! My favourite, thank you 314

Hello all! So nice to read about the dates going well last night; I spent my evening trying to heat up some irons on Tinder but it's hard work. Talking to a couple of them but it's like pulling teeth. No one worthy of being given a name at this stage. Complete silence from Sherpa for a whole three days now which is really not on; am really annoyed and hurt but seriously considering, if he does get in touch, telling him where to go; I deserve someone who's itching to hear from me and can't wait to secure a date with me. Shame, I really liked this one .

Re the facebook group, as a newbie poster (but a very longtime lurker) I would be very sad to see the regular posters decamping to the fb group. It is reading your experiences and your success stories (as well as the crappiness that invariably goes with OLD) that have got me through the last two years of vanishers, liars and hot/cold blowers; thanks to you I know it's not me but them being asses. It would be a shame to lose that.

It would be great to be part of the facebook group for opinion on irons and especially last text convo from Sherpa actually as not sure if I'm overthinking it; how do I access it please? Was it Bat the one to PM?

ocelot 314 handy super and jollyx thank you, I know you are right about Pugwash and the fat comment. Yesterday was a bad day, I'm giving myself the talking to.

muddling maybe you'll get your goodbye kiss today?

handy would Twix being an introvert be a problem?

Great news freaky

I'm not in the FB group maybe in the future but for now I'm happy here. Anyone who is in the group should of course be where they want to be. I do appreciate the support on here of people who have already done OLD for a while.

I only use the fb group for when something is potentially identifying. i pfrer the anonymity of the board!

Im posting here cos im having a wave for bear here. Just four days since i spoke to him but i have news. I never got tovask him about his trip home. How long does it take to disconnect?
By ten days i hope i wont feel that i need to tell bear about x,y & z.

Also i prefer that on the board we are all soldiers of a similar rank. On fb i find myself thinking 'she is young. She is beautiful. We are fighting different battles' :-P

knowing how frustrating on Sherpa! What was said last and how was it left?
Anna someone that shallow is seriously not worthy of your beautiful body and don't you forget it!! What a prize arse, don't you dare let him have a moment more thought! Pffft...
314 it may take some time to stop that feeling of wanting to share stuff and tell him your news. Have you got lots of family and friends in RL you can use in the interim before nice new irons become available?

So thoughts on this one ladies. I have a new iron, we are meeting for date 0 Tuesday or Wednesday. He is just gorgeous looking, witty and has a brilliant sarcastic humour, and on top of that he seems really nice too. Asking questions, being complimentary, really can't fault him. (So far obviously) Here's the thing, he has muscular dystrophy and uses a wheelchair. It hasn't bothered me a bit and wouldn't put me off someone, especially not at this stage. Just interested, would you date someone disabled? When is it an issue? Just musing really wondering what anyone else thought.

I wouldnt because i dont want to be too caring. I want equal caring. I dont want obstacles. I just want things to be easy.

Yes I do tend to be guilty of mothering. It's a mode I slip into so I'm mindful of that. I'm definitely looking forward to meeting him anyway! But easy wouldn't be a word to describe it if anything were to develop.

Last The last thing with Sherpa was me making a cheeky/flirty comment about something we got up to when we met at the weekend to which he replied with a 'lol' . That was three days ago. No mention of meeting up, not even when he left my place at the weekend, apparently very happy and content. He's been really crappy in the past with messaging and making specific plans and that's the reason why this 3rd date has taken three months to happen. I think in my mind I've thrown the towel in with him already but I know that if he does get in touch I'll find it so hard not to make excuses for him and meet him ("he's so young/childless he doesn't realise, it's only date four...etc etc").

Re dating someone disabled, the key for me would be whether they are independent or not and if their condition is stable or likely to deteriorate (ie if you would end up having to care for them). Someone on a wheelchair for example as a result of a traffic accident who have their life as sorted as anyone else and have a job, have a method of transportation etc wouldn't be an issue at all for me. The would need to be confident and not play the pity card as that would be a turn off though... Otherwise as 314 said you could slip into a carer role which I think it would be unhealthy from establishing a new relationship point of view.

Disaster date didnt go to the cinema as the film we wanted to see was no on. He fidgets and so nervous all the time. Had a headache, stomach ache and i found he had shaved years off his age on pof!

Anna re Twix and the introvert thing - we messaged a bit more about this. I am a bit introverted (need to recharge batteries after lots of socialising) and it seems so is he. That's no problem whatsoever. I just wondered if it explains why he is backwards about coming forwards about forward planning, not actually telling me at any point in actual words that he likes me, etc. I hoped it was shyness. I don't think it is that. Back to square one there.

314 nail on head re fb page. I like the fact that we are all on an equal footing here. Not looking at each other's fb pics and putting our fellow daters into mental 'boxes'. People are people and will be wherever they are most comfortable. And that's that.

JollyX do I detect the merest hint of pining?? Do please come and join me on the insecure bench.

knowing SO incredibly annoying re Sherpa! I'm really sorry.

Oh no muddling sounds awful! Have a glass of wine and chill. Do you have other irons?

Oh ok then... I prefer to keep things private (especially after Rioux etc) so won't be doing FB thread.

TooSassy I'm like you now, can't be bothered, no irons, Irish keeps setting me (and getting nowhere fast) then he reverts to "niceness". Why do men sext soon? It's hardly like I've encouraged him to sext much if at all!

Jolly so if it's quieter remind me who are you dating and do you mind the quiet interludes or find them annoying or??

AKnowingSmile sorry to say but sounds as if Sherpa is only after one thing... In fact hate to say it but he's probably dating or seeing others or messaging them on the side if he doesn't mention meeting up and your 3rd date is after 3 months!!!

Lastnickname why the heck not? He's a person. Meet him find out if you like him despite his condition and or wheelchair. What care options does he have re carers etc? Does he work?

314 how do you mean disconnect? You mean stop thinking about them or them you? Can take ages sometimes.

superfly he's at uni in London studying arts and humanities so I'm guessing he's pretty self sufficient and able currently.

314 it isn't til something happens you would normally have shared, that the no-contact suddenly pulls hard on your heart strings. Have a secret hug from me. It's going to be a long process of gradually healing. And the only way is through, I think. It sucks and I'm sorry that this is how it is for now. It won't always be like this.

superfly I don't know about the Rioux situation only that there was one.

Thanks last
Also last I would agree with knowing if he's independent and you wouldn't have to care for him then why not.

knowing 3 months to a third date? Does he live in Switzerland? Have you got other irons?

Oh dear muddling but it's best to know now, right? As with knowing have you got any other irons?

Handy I'm a mix of introverted and seemingly extrovert which is why I asked. That said you can be sure if I liked someone I would tell them. Can you ask Twix outright? Can you be clear about what you want to know?

My wobble pun intended last night about being fat also stemmed from an awful photo my friend took of me yesterday. An iron on POF wanted a date but preferred 'slim and athletic' women. I sent him a message today saying that I didn't think I was slim or athletic at the moment and said I would send him the photo and he could make his mind up from there. I sent him the photo and he asked me out on Saturday. So I've got a date, even if I am fat! I haven't thought of a name for him yet.
I'll give it a ponder.

I have to be honest, and I know it's terrible, but I would struggle to go out with someone with a disability as severe as that. If you can see past it though then good on you and I think it's definitely worth meeting him and seeing how it goes.

Ugh so there's this guy I've been messaging on and off on tinder for about two months. About two weeks ago he asked for my number so I gave him it then nothing. Now he's just reappeared on tinder like 'hi how's your weekend been?' I mean what?! Did he not get that message? Is he pretending he didn't get it? Why would he then message again and not text? I just do not understand people. Fortunately I'm not that into him so don't really care but it's just another example of how weird people are.

Anna can I ask him outright? Well I think at some point I'm gonna have to!!! But 6 weeks in it still feels mighty risky and mooseburgery....

Seeing him Tuesday. Not sure how much longer I can leave the 'where do you see this going' question.

Glad you are going on that date, Anna. A date is what you need.

7 weeks. It's 7 weeks for me and Twix.

314 Sorry that you're struggling with Bear; not sure what happened but time will make things easier. NC is bloody hard......

Muddling Sorry that your date was such a disaster.... do you have any other promising irons?

Anna Sometimes we're our worst critics, please don't let that idiot ex iron of yours dent your confidence. Only assholes lacking in confidence themselves employ negging which is exactly what he was attempting to do.

So, the three months to have a 3rd date with Sherpa have actually been entirely down to me getting pissed off with him leaving the planning to the last minute and being crappy with comms. On one occasion for example I asked him on a Weds where/what time we were meeting on that Saturday; hadn't heard anything from him by Friday 8pm so I texted him saying I had made other plans; he was surprised and sad we weren't meeting (WTF?!).Two weeks of no texting then followed. Another time I was going to book a sitter for Sat eve but he wasn't sure whether he would have to work so on Weds we agreed he would tell me on Fri morning whether he would be free or not; next I heard from him at Sat lunch time by which time it was too late to book a sitter AND I was pissed off. Two weeks of not texting again. And so on, and so on. I know I should ditch him but when we're together he's the most considerate and gentlemanly man I have ever met; it's the pinning down the details for dates and texting in between dates letting him down massively . I know I need to let this one go but I like him.....

OK, so full Bacon update. It's going to be long, sorry!

As posted yesterday, I was feeling a bit wobbly and hungover but was generally looking forward to seeing him. He texted me when he was due to leave and we had a nice bit of back and forth banter about looking forward to seeing each other and then I made some throwaway comment about him having to entertain me and he replied "Tell you what - entertain yourself." which FREAKED ME OUT. It just came out nowhere and seemed uncharacteristically stroppy. We texted a bit more but all I could really get out of him was he didn't like me telling him to entertain me and that it stirred some bad memories. I apologised and said "see you soon" and he didn't reply so I wasn't sure if he was actually coming. I was pretty much live-posting all of this on FB and the lovely ladies there were talking me down!
Anyway, I got ready and went to the bar and as I was arriving in town, he texted to say he'd just parked. When he arrived we talked about it and he apologised. He explained that he used to date someone who expected the world to entertain her and it just irritated him that I'd said that. I told him that that's not who I was, that it was just a silly jokey comment and that he'd worried me by not replying.
So, we've left that there. I really think it was just a case of text misunderstanding and both of us overreacting a bit. It was clear in the flesh that it was just a total non issue. He said he drove to me really quickly as he knew it was "hanging over us". So, I dunno...his card is marked as potentially being a bit moody/over-sensitive but on the upside he was prepared to talk about it face to face when he arrived.

And the rest of the date was as brilliant as last week! Lots of flirty chat, lots of laughter...and much more kissing! We touched on the exclusivity thing but basically teasing each other about having other people on the go (he even used a phrase that was very similar to "irons in the fire"! but not actually irons...can't remember what it was) At the end of the date, I walked him to his car and we ended up in an alley on the way to the car park and there was much snogging (excellent) and...um...a little groping (also lovely! ) and I had a good fondle of his chest and those gym sessions are paying off.... It was just a good fun, flirty date.

And lots of lovely messages this morning about how much he'd enjoyed seeing me, not just the kissing but my company too and some more saucier stuff... Third date is a definite but don't know when. I am child-free next weekend though he doesn't know that yet.

After the alleyway groping, sex is definitely on the cards for 3rd date but I am definitely going to pin him down on the whole exclusivity thing before then...just thinking of doing it along the lines of "just checking we are on the same page, and knowing what we both want" From the things he was saying last night, I don't think he is seeing/talking to anyone else and he does want a relationship but I need to be sure of T&Cs before DTD.

So, there we go...that's Bacon date the second! Will catch up with everyone else's new now...

Oh, and just on the whole FB/the thread thing...I really like doing both. There's a different vibe in both places. The thread has a more serious, considered tone in general which I enjoy and FB is more chatty but FB is also good for posting more personal things that you wouldn't want to put on a public forum. And last night, it was invaluable when I needed quick responses and advice from people who understood the situation, and I could post screenshots of my conversation with Bacon.
So, I'm not planning on going anywhere! I still enjoy reading/updating the thread here, just sometimes it can be hard to keep up especially with the newbies.