Jump right in! It's Dating Thread 102

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

itoldyou well at least he apologised and you had a nice time apart from that. I'd put that down to previous experience and not worry too much more about it.

No other promising irons atm the other 3 drifted out due to being clingy and i was making all the effort with conversations they were just replying sexual responses. But i dont know what to say to this guy can i say sorry your too nervous for me good luck in your search.
His tagline on pof was looking for his mrs grey ehen i asked him about it he said he put it as a joke after seeing the film which he thought was a good story until they got to the kinky stuff!

Freaky wow! Glad you had the fb page to walk you down! Amazing!

Think the fact that he was able to deal with it face to face, admit it touched a nerve and APOLOGIZE is the most important thing from all that. Great update, fab date, roll on BaconDate#3!! yey!!! Will you address 'same page' issues by phone/text??

The best thing about my weekend away with mates is that, after getting into the subject of 'people who lead double lives' my mates stalked Twix's Facebook for me. Hahaha! I have not dared because I don't want to pop up in his suggested friends!!! As he told me, he is not a prolific poster on fb understatement neither am I. Oh the fun of social media stalking!!!! My mate of twenty odd years described him as 'gorgeous'

Sorry knowing but I really would let Sherpa go. He has you wrapped round his little finger re dates, knows you like him, and that you're prepared to do anything, cancel and reschedule to see him.

Of course he is fine and polite and considerate when he's with you because he then knows he can get away with the cancelling/rescheduling/"oh silly me I forgot but really want to see you" act and he knows you'll come back for more. But your call!

Handy wow 7 weeks for you and Twix. That's sort of a milestone I find. Have you met his friends and family yet? I presume (sorry forgot) you've DTD and its fine. I suppose in next week or after another month he could do the I love you stuff... Too soon or not? Have you been away together yet? Ah squeals . handy sorry hadn't read previous post - so has Twix given you any ideas about future? Are you just playing it by ear and you don't want to find out bad news so are not asking him? Has he said anything red or pink flaggish so far?? I'd maybe ask him on Tuesday why not? Perfect time after he's been away, just say you'd like to see where it's going and if he's interested in something with you? If he says yes or take it slow that's fine, if not and he's elusive or says "well actually been thinking and it's NO!" Then at least you can decide to work with elusive (I'd ditch personally) or let it end and move on. Is that too harsh?!

asmnts from my experiences re OLD (not tried Tinder) some men spend so much time messaging other women so have the candy store scenario - eg when they don't contact you assume they're contacting someone else. Me and Mr Journo even though it was mostly sex (though at the end he tried to persuade me otherwise!) he texted me every day, until we'd had sex first, even after that (when he tailed off and gave excuse of being "really busy" for a week) he still texted me every other day prior to that! And afterwards etc.

Anna will leave Rioux situation to let it lie...

Glad you have another date. I'd ignore personally men's requests if they like you that much they don't care and will ignore their "checklist" and at least you have a date!

Last well he seems self sufficient I'd meet him and see if you get on personally, why not?? What was interesting about me and Mr Journo (why he liked me more) was that:-

1. On his body covering most of one side of his chest and all down one arm was a huge red Birthmark, he used to cover it with camouflage creams, wore long sleeved tshirts and shirts for ages so as to not get stares and comments. I wasn't bothered at all by this! I think some dates were bothered - though he's a good looking man for his age!

1. He was brought up by his mother and stepfather - his real dad did a runner soon after he was born, probably was still alive. Apparently a few dates on first dates etc suggested he "find his real dad" and ignore his stepdad. I said totally up to him what to do, no pressure, if he's curious fine, if not fine too.

I think re above I don't get why some women or men make issues about the above but I can see that some women or men do make them issues!

314 no contact is awful, tough but necessary, but also very painful.

Superfly I'm nowhere near meeting friends and family (we both want to keep the kids out of it while it's all still early). He doesn't see friends a lot. That's not a red flag, because he works with a good friend and has friends he has known for years. We are going uber slow with the opening up to each other. Really really bloody slow. But the chemistry is intense (he is physically intimate and affectionate and I fancy him rotten) and the DTD is frankly amazing (god I'm sorry... eek). So that's where the incongruence lies - he has literally said nothing in the way of 'I like you' we just go from date to date. Although when I asked about us being intimate he said with me it was 'perfect'. He texts every morning and evening without fail but there is no flirty angle to the banter whatsoever. No other flags of Amber or yellow or red. It's just unnerving and my feelings are growing although love is not a word that can apply because I need some context to this mental picture I have of him and more opening up before the L word comes into play.

I just want to know what he sees me as... Longterm prospect or no. And if not I need to bail because I'm just right in the eye of the swooning storm. I'll be devastated if he doesn't see me as long term potential. Do you think I can ask after 7 weeks without serving up a giant mooseburger???

By phone I hope Handy! We've had a couple of minor mis-communications by text, as well as yesterday's nightmare and this is one conversation where I need to be really clear! Trying to think of very MH style phrases to use..tis hard.

314 I just cannot do multiple irons. I haven't looked at Tinder in days, it just doesn't interest me. My place of abundance will just have to be my Amazing Life which has been pretty Amazing this weekend, even setting aside the Bacondate.
I'm sorry about Bear. That's the bit I find hardest about breaking up with someone or even just losing an iron, that you lose having that person to talk to and share your news. It will get easier with time, just sucks for now.

Goldfish That sounds like a promising start with Pingu.

Handy I think 7 weeks is plenty long enough to be having the "where do you see this going?" conversation, especially with someone as non-forthcoming as Twix.

Last I'd at least meet the guy in the wheelchair, if everything else was right.

Handy has he really literally never said "I like you"? Does he pay you compliments?

Ok. I am dreading not hearing good things from Twix but I just need to Put My Big Girl Pants on, don't I.

Tbh if I my previous post were written by someone else on here, I would say tell whoever it was to get a bloody grip and go tell Twix to Shit or Get Off the Pot. For their own sanity.

I am swayed by RL life friends AKA the 'Ohhhhhhhh just enjoy it, it's only six weeks' brigade. But they have long since forgotten about the agonising early dating phase, or aren't in anyway invested in some theoretical bloke they haven't met yet. Friends are often ultimately selfish and optimistic if lovely. And they nowadays know nothing about the myopic view we get of people we meet via OLD. So you guys are better at calling it. Thank you..

OK. Big Girl Pants now on order from Amazon Prime..... Feel a bit sick. Seeing him Tues. Rightoh.....

Freaky - not so much as 'I like you'.

Weird.

And no, no compliments either apart from sneaky early indirect ones. It's a mindfuck however I dress it up. Time to me to Man Up.

Are you OK tanya re stbxh?

to waving

Handy yes, this

"314 flowers it isn't til something happens you would normally have shared, that the no-contact suddenly pulls hard on your heart strings. Have a secret hug from me. It's going to be a long process of gradually healing. And the only way is through, I think. It sucks and I'm sorry that this is how it is for now. It won't always be like this."

Thank you. And everybody else too. I promise you I just need to adjust to not texting him all the time. After I get used to it, I will be fine because he was never right here with me in the house, ykwim? he was always skying or texting. That was it.

This next week is going to be busy. I've got to see a recruitment agent. I work in the burbs now. I mgiht get a job in the centre of the city. I did feel the urge to tell him but I sat on it obviously.

Handy, maybe you could suggest going away at the beginning of June, that's only 6 weeks away. Then study his face!

The party was good waving lots of fifty-ish men, all of the well-preserved variety. A few caught my eye! and then a moment later I would see a beautiful woman in an 800 euro dress with gorgeous hair clinging on to his arm story of the night! but me and the two women I knew had a chat and were friendly so it was better than sitting in, for sure.

Not ok really. Feel such an idiot.

314 last week after dtd he brought up the subject of our child free weeks being out of sync, I mentioned that I could engineer a child-free weekend off work in half term so we could 'spend a bit more time together'. His response was lukewarm....

Not bloody surprising I feel insecure is it...

Hugs and for tanya

Thanks Handy, and sorry Twix is being a bit unavailable. Men and communication.....

good article

We should all read this and cut ourselves a massive amount of slack for feeling the stress of uncertainty

Waving, Thanks I know. It's weird, when H dumped me, I never felt I could text him anyway, so the only difference was that I didn't have to pay a babysitter twice a week :-p

This is like having my arm cut off. And we hardly ever saw each other in real life!

I know I will be fine though. It's not like I'm thinking oh boo hoo there's a bear shaped gap in my future. I just need to adjust to not having somebody to text shite to! I can adjust to that.

handy do you compliment him? Maybe you could say something like "oh you look nice this evening, very attractive" and then "feel free to pay me the occasional compliment too" all tongue in cheek etc? It could open up a light hearted bit of banter about how a girl likes to be told she is beautiful/amazing/hot occasionally!

tanya sorry you're feeling crappy this evening, but please don't feel like an idiot, you are not one

314 I actually think you are doing brilliantly under the circumstances

Just had the phone conversation with Bacon. We were texting and he was being incredibly sweet and things got a little flirty and he made some comment about ending up in bed so I said "actually, can we talk about that?" phoned him and we had a GOOD CHAT. I handled it marvellously Just said that I'd like it if he stayed over on Saturday night and that while I was fairly sure we were on the same page, that I wasn't looking for some massive commitment but I just don't do casual sex and I needed to be sure it was part of a bigger something. And he said it was. That he really likes me, thinks this has potential and he's not looking for anything superficial either. And that he'd love to just come and have a "proper evening out" and have a few drinks and not worry about driving back. And there's no pressure to have sex, that he'd sleep on the sofa etc. I asked if he was seeing or chatting to anyone else and he said no. Said he was talking to 12 (!) people when he was first chatting to me but they've all fallen away and he told the last remaining couple after our first date that he'd met someone (me!) and he's only talking to/seeing me now.

I am swooning and squeeing so much. I could not have wanted that to go much better than it did. Saturday is going to be a very long time coming! Must distract myself with new underwear shopping/all over hair removal. And cleaning the house! Oh god!

OMG Freaky that's amazing good on you!!!!