The ignoring....gaaaa

[jellybean2000]

That is all.
Yes, I'm divorcing him.
He will continue to stoop to whatever method he can to control, upset and anger me.
Delay, delay, delay.

I've been here for a while but NC a while ago.

Thank you jos. Lovely of you to delurk and offer support.

I am swinging between feeling strong and stomach churning fear. I slept very badly last night. Awake at 2am, back off, then awake at 4am until 5, then back off. To be expected I suppose.

I await news from my mortgage man and my solicitor today.

Made a cake last night. It's a fail but the kids are eating it anyway!

Hopefully he will realise that by officially moving the dd's that this is actually happening and he needs to start sorting himself out with car and finding somewhere to live and that despite his best efforts he has failed to break you.

Will keep everything crossed for you re the courts.

Let us know how the mortgage and solicitors go today.

You are doing great. It will come to an end.

Thanks. Have heard absolutely NOTHING from either mortgage or solicitor.

Am getting increasingly anxious, but getting on with my work which feels good.

FFS. I called sol's assistant. Sol called. Expressed concern that non-mol may make stbx just delay signing financial order and also that she can't guarantee Order can be in place by Friday (car insurance D-day). Bla bla bla...maybe I should wait she said. I have waited so long already.

What I DID NOT understand was that if judge deems my case not worth of non-mol order, he can issue it WITH notice. I thought it would just be the end of the matter ie stbx would never know.
I can withdraw it, but then it weakens my case if I need to apply for one at a later stage.

PISSED OFF.

So, came off phone, had big cry, then called sol back and spoke to senior partner. Have decided to carry on with application. My safely and well being has to take priority over the bloody financial order.

Im sorry, it all sounds so upsetting and stressful . And not at all focussed on protecting women and children.

Too bloody right. I am a reasonably intelligent woman, have funds, have the ability to seek support etc and STILL I find myself feeling trapped with this man.

Anyway, sol takes it to Court tomorrow and I will know that day whether it will be granted ex parte or not. If not then I have to decided whether I want him to be issued with hearing date or withdraw. I'll cross that bridge if/when I come to it.

The law is so slow in protection people against emotional and mental abuse

KOKO

If you worry all the time about whether something may stop him from signing the financial order then you will never get anything done.

Sorry it's all such an uphill battle.

There is A LOT of misunderstanding about EA. Stand up to him they say. I do. End up calling police.
Take steps to get injunction to protect myself and kids and then they tell me I'm being too hasty. Give him more time...bla bla.

I don't know what I'll do if it's not granted. Go away I think. Will it look bad for residency of DS2 if I don't take him?

He's done NOTHING today. I'm angry, upset and scared.

And my ankle is sore from running. Need to rest it.

If I had a black eye they'd be quick to protect me.

Hugs, I cannot imagine what you are going through, you and the boys deserve so much better x

How are you doing today, FV45? And your ankle?

There is A LOT of misunderstanding about EA
Absolutely.
It should be getting better with the new laws but so many don't understand.
It can be so much worse than DV purely because it's sustained over a long period of time.
I can't imagine, I really can't.
But I really hope you get what you need this week.
Rest your ankle!

Just focus on the end in sight. Some might disagree but please don't leave your son, if needs be then take him with you even if it's to a B & B. But there is no harm in you have a short break by yourself if you need it.

Hang in there.

Is this something they have said today? To give him more time?

Have you heard from the mortgage company?

I was expecting to hear yesterday whether the judge granted an ex parte non-mol. I was a MESS waiting all day. Sol called at 4pm and said we wouldn't hear yesterday after all. Completely unravelled. Terrible nights sleep, snappy with DS1 this morning. DS2 wanted me to walk him to school. stbx insisted he did.

Sol called this morning and said the Judge wants to meet us both (w/o stbx there or knowing) to discuss it more fully as it's an usual case (oh I feel so special).

So 2pm tomorrow me and my sol meet the judge. This is a positive outcome so far so I do feel more calm now.

Tomorrow stbx comes off the car insurance and he doesn't know yet. The timing for all of this is not good. If I am granted the Order then it won't stand until he has been served with the papers. I have no idea how quickly that can be done. I obv don't want to be around for when that happens. I want it in place before I tell him about the car.

Still, I might not be granted the Order anyway. If it's not granted ex-parte I will withdraw the application as there is no way on this earth I want him to be served with papers asking him to attend Court cos I want an non-mol order.

I feel numb. And I think my sore ankle might be a stress fracture which feels me with utter despair.

Oh love

Ok so 2pm tomorrow the non mol will be decided one way or another. If he hadn't agreed to the financial settlement then I would suggest you continue with the non mol if not granted ex parte, but he has so hopefully there is an end somewhere in sight.

Anything on the mortgage yet? What sort of timescales have you been advised? I'm guessing everything will happen on the same day regarding the house being transferred into your name?

And your poor ankle.... you had better get that looked at, hope it's better soon.

He has agreed the financial settlement, but hasn't signed it - that's why my sol (and her senior partner) had concerns about the timing of me going for the non-mol - that it might make him not sign. I'm done with giving him more time though. We already have a Court date for financial settlement (late Aug) so there still is a limit on how long he can delay, but dear God I hope it doesn't go on that long.

Mortgage man has all my docs. It will be 4-6 weeks once approved (time depends on how quick solicitors work [hollow laugh].

The only way to see if ankle is SF is to get MRI. I can do that as I do have private health care (through my work), but I'd need a GP referral. I see my GP next week anyway so I shall wait until then. If it wasn't for the running I'd just disregard it, it's barely painful at all on rest. My GP does understand how important my running is to me and that it is hugely beneficial in coping with my stress and anxiety so I think he'll understand.

It might be tendonitis actually. Maybe I am just being hysterical (entirely my prerogative!)

It sucks when you can't do your preferred exercise, it's such a good stress relief. Can you do something low impact like pool running until you've got that ankle sorted?

Will be cheering you on from the virtual gallery tomorrow afternoon!

sorry to read that it's taking so long...

Pool running?! Must I?! LOL. I am completely rubbish at doing anything other than running and boot camp. But yes, I will look at other options.
All that shaving, driving, paying, getting wet, being crap at swimming, looking like a twat pool running....

Had a better day today though. Feeling nervous and anxious about tomorrow of course. What to wear?!

When you put it that way, it's hardly low impact!

I'm sure you'll find something that suits though, you seem like the type who needs to keep moving, both physically and mentally. Your frustration with this whole process is palpable. I figure you're wholly justified in doing whatever it takes to get some relief. I hope work is going well (can sympathize with the academic rolling contract situation, I was on that treadmill myself till recently) and it's providing a useful distraction.

Lol you might need arm bands in the deep end!

You have certainly earned the right to have a good old moan. Instead of running why not go for a walk to a quiet wide open space and scream until you cant scream any more. You also have permission to swear as much as you like.

Ex parte non mol failed.
They will allow it to be heard with notice.
I have withdrawn. I can't put myself through that.

The law does not deem what he's doing to me as bad enough,

I am utterly defeated. I know where I stand at least, I tried.

I txt him to say he was off insurance. He replied telling me I can't work in the garden office any more.

Why can't you?
It's yours is it not?

I'm sorry it didn't go as planned