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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The ignoring....gaaaa

1001 replies

jellybean2000 · 25/03/2016 19:24

That is all.
Yes, I'm divorcing him.
He will continue to stoop to whatever method he can to control, upset and anger me.
Delay, delay, delay.

I've been here for a while but NC a while ago.

OP posts:
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8
Iamdobby63 · 04/10/2016 11:44

Damn.

I am more and more disgusted with how little the police can/will do.

What happened to him going on Wednesday and DS2 was helping?

How exactly is he back peddling on residency?

Iamdobby63 · 04/10/2016 11:45

Ps if he does start a war or is nasty in any way then call the police, at that stage you can have him removed.

FV45 · 04/10/2016 11:46

God knows. I think cos I said he HAD to go. He just makes it up as he goes along.

I tried to get him to agree to where we were in the residency rota, but he acted all vague about it, just wants to do it ad hoc. Says he's been helpful by putting his work days on the calendar.

Feel entirely let down.

Iamdobby63 · 04/10/2016 11:51

He does chop and change a lot.

If he starts anything do not hesitate to call the police.

At some point make it clear that ad hoc and vague is not going to work for either you or a child, apart from perhaps DS1, but would still need a certain amount of discussion first.

What is he working tomorrow?

FV45 · 04/10/2016 12:21

I'm actually sick of being reminded that the police will be there if he kicks off physically....because that's deemed as worse than mental abuse.

I've already told him ad hoc doesn't work for anyone and that he needs to discuss with ME, not DS2. He threw it back in my face.

Iamdobby63 · 04/10/2016 12:27

I don't think it needs to be if he kicks off physically, it can also be if he is intimidating you.

How could he throw it back in your face?

RandomMess · 04/10/2016 12:50
Sad

Any threats you call police "He is threatening me, I am frightened"

I am so so so sorry he is being as awful as this.

Emergency residency order as he is threatening to take DS2 and not agree a shared arrangement.

I am so angry and sad that you are going to have use the law every single step of the way.

Flowers
DollyTwat · 04/10/2016 14:03

please call the police and ask them to prevent a breach if the peace. Tell them he's been shouting at you and you're scared

I think you need to get him out today if you can, take control of the rota and tell him what he's doing.

Good luck FV

FV45 · 04/10/2016 14:34

I talked to the police earlier. After speaking to DV team and them deciding it was a civil matter and me questioning they put me through to the main 101 switch board. I waited on hold for about 20 mins then gave up.

The impression I get is that since he says he is leaving tomorrow it's best if I stay somewhere else tonight. That was their suggestion - just hang in there sort of thing. I've been bloody hanging in here for months. I think they thought I was a bit hysterical since completion only happened this morning.

I have tried to take control of the rota. He just shrugs or ignores. Says he's put his works days on the calendar. I don't give a flying fig about his work days. He's left some vague note about it, which I don't understand.

I really don't think an emergency residency order is a very straight forward matter.

Memoires · 04/10/2016 14:52

I know you're dog tired of all this and have so little energy for the fight, but it's one push. He knows damn well that if he hurts or threatens you then that'll be it and to cops will come and take him away. So he won't.

Change the locks. Pack a bag with a few essentials and sling it outside the door. If he kicks off outside the police will take him away. There will be no tussles over ds2, at least for a few days, and it would be understandable if you withheld contact for a time for his own protection.

Iamdobby63 · 04/10/2016 15:10

Clearly they don't understand the whole picture.

Personally I would probably hold tight until tomorrow. Agree that he can stay until 5pm, keep repeating that you want access watertight. Unfortunately if you can't understand a note then you will need to ask him 🙁 But do make it clear that you decided he could stay until tomorrow 'on reflection' - not that his calls for war have worked.

I know that you are damned if you do and damned if you don't but I do think there is a high risk he will Pratt about with DS2, picking him up from school, not informing you etc. If you were to pack his stuff for him tonight.

Book a locksmith for Thursday. Did you get your son a mobile?

Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know but it's probably what I would do.

FV45 · 04/10/2016 18:49

Memories, how in practice does someone withhold contact?
He has parental responsibility.

chocolatemuppet · 04/10/2016 19:16

That's the thing FV. It's awful for you, but you're right - until there is a court order, he is within his legal rights as 50% of the parents to take your son to "live" with him (not to withhold access of course) and you are equally within your rights to do the same. So unfortunately, the poster advising not to "let" him is wrong.

I would get a legal agreement as soon as you can.

I really hope this nightmare is soon over for you, I think you've handled it amazingly.

In terms of the next 48 hours, I agree with you. Your choices are either - drive your stress levels through the roof by calling police etc - or just sit tight for another couple of days until he's gone for good.

If he doesn't go, then definitely you need to get more legal advice.

Flowers - you are doing amazingly well!

chocolatemuppet · 04/10/2016 19:19

(In addition, in my experience via a friend, the court take a dim view of someone who withholds access, unless there is what they deem as "serious risk" - i.e. Physical or sexual abuse.)

FV45 · 04/10/2016 19:25

Kitchen cupboard door just fell off hinges! A metaphor for my life right now, but a nice distraction!

DS1 giving DS2 a ukulele lesson upstairs.

Will run later. And collect Nerf gun from church.

FV45 · 04/10/2016 19:26

A neighbour left a pot plant on my doorstep Flowers

Iamdobby63 · 04/10/2016 19:47

Nerf gun? Will you shoot him in the arse on the way out? From church? That's a strange Harvest festival. Lol

Nice hearing the boys together entertaining themselves. And what a nice neighbour you have.

RandomMess · 04/10/2016 21:47

It's so awful for you, the law sucks, I could see this would happen and you have no power AngrySad

As soon as he leave the property for any reason lock him out and get a locksmith out. If he kicks off then u call the police.

Ouriana · 05/10/2016 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iamdobby63 · 05/10/2016 09:42

I can't help but feel that you are probably especially anxious for today, thinking of you.

TheMshipIsBack · 05/10/2016 10:21

Sending you strength and good wishes today. Flowers

Iamthinking · 05/10/2016 15:51

God he makes me feel violent. What a foul, foul man.

FV45 · 05/10/2016 17:35

And on post 999 of this miserable thread I can announce that HE HAS GONE.

Feel very odd.

KARMAisaBtch · 05/10/2016 17:37

Am I the 1,000th to comment? Grin

chocolatemuppet · 05/10/2016 17:45

Hooray FV!! Very pleased to hear that news. Good luck with rebuilding your life - you can now battle ANYTHING in life - and you never have to go through that again. Flowers

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