Welcome to the House of Fun (and positivity!) - It's dating thread 100

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Waving, hobbies are good! I only took up horse-riding at 34, it's therapy, head-clearing and exercise in one!

Just got a match with a 6ft 6, lovely looking man, great with words and post-grad education.....things are looking up!

Ooh yey tanya

Have lovely dates Anna and last

Good luck breaking down SFM JollyP

I've also wondered about the difference in child ages. I tend to avoid the men who say their kids are over 18, as mine are both under 10 so way different. A lot of men say they want a partner who can explore the world and go to Paris for weekends etc, so clearly there's no point in meeting them, because weekends in Paris are about 10 years away for me!

I do think having similar-age dc makes things a lot easer, relationship wise. But it's hard enough trying to find a suitable person as it is! So not always realistic.

Speaking as someone who keeps my messaging very straight until I’ve met someone I would give Serious Financial Man the benefit of the doubt and meet him Jollyp. He might thaw out and be great company in person. Of course, he might not
One of the great things about OLD is that there is a natural selection process ‘look into my eyes’ man has immediately identified himself as an arse, thus saving you the time and bother of going on a date with him to find out.

The storm is definitely here lastnick have you got a go-to dress you can wear? –and a warm coat in this weather— I’d go out with partyboy and see, Older/younger kids is workable if you both want to. If you don’t go you’ll never know if you both want to! It’s true that lots of men say they want someone to travel the world with but they’ve got to fill the space in their profile somehow, most of us would like someone to travel the world with but I’d also like a pony and a chateau in the south of France but unfortunately I have to go to work every morning. I suspect most of those men do too –not the pony and the chateau-- Not many people get lots of time off so when it comes down to it they probably mean ‘go on a nice holiday a couple of times a year’ which is not the same as 3 months in Asia.

tanyadm go get him

Waving I’m meeting Captain Pugwash today.
Trust your gut. If you don’t feel like messaging the new irons then don’t, there’s no obligation either way until you have an exclusivity agreement.

I like Captain Pugwash, we had a good date yesterday, really good but I have a gut feeling that’s not sure but I can’t pinpoint why. With no prompting from me he said he was going to come off Tinder, I checked and he has. I don’t attribute this to me, he’s busy but still is that a bit red flaggy? I don’t know what my problem is, I’ll go today and see whether or not that sets my mind at rest. My last long term relationship did not end well so I am aware that I’m going to find it difficult to trust someone again it could be that.
I need to find a hobby too. I just don’t know what.

Aargh. Strike out fail, I hope my post makes sense.

I have a fourth date this afternoon, a few drinks and an activity, should be fun! I went on a lovely first date on Friday but both of them live over an hour away so am being quite cautious.

AnnaChronism A hobby sounds good, I saw a women's meet-up group online which I'm thinking of joining as I've never managed to stick at a hobby for more than a few months!

Morning all!
What a bloody night! Spent most of yesterday looking after my best friend who is having major boyfriend trouble. Looks like they are breaking up.. so she was round at mine for wine and sympathy and then stayed over. I had a bottle of wine and bag of crisps for dinner and not much sleep due to the rain and wind. So, feeling a bit down today. Need to inject some positivity!
Not much happening on the Iron front. Still nothing from Bacon. I randomly messaged MrEloquent yesterday too...not really sure why. Couple of matches on Tinder but we'll see what happens with them.

Waving You definitely need a hobby! What about joining a gym? Or something to keep you busy at home? I knit and do crochet, which is very relaxing as well as productive. Or do some kind of studying? The course I am doing is keeping me stupidly busy...good distraction from lack of irons. If I was in your situation, I wouldn't be following up on any new irons. What if you fall for someone? Plus, it's not really fair on the guys if you are not really available...

Lacoba I'm sorry about MrDiamond. He's not behaved well at all.

Catty We need more details! Come back!

Jollyp Sounds like a good date. I definitely think you should see him again and see what happens. Physical attraction may grow. SeriousFinancial sounds kind of sweet too...I would also want to smuttify him!

Anna Listen to your gut re Pugwash. Although, coming off Tinder is no bad thing, just in itself. Some people do prefer to only date one person at a time. I do, and my brother does too (must run in the family!) and he's not intense or weird, just prefers to keep it simple.

Beth Enjoy your date this afternoon!

Oh, weirdness! Just swiping through Tinder and Bacon came up (I accidentally unmatched with him a couple of weeks ago...) His profile has changed slightly and it says he's 27 miles away so must be back...I've right swiped and we matched....what the hell does that all mean? Anything/nothing?

(back story for newbies...we matched on Tinder about a month ago, got on well, had first date arranged and he cancelled on the day as he had to leave the country on a family emergency. I've heard from him a little bit since then, asked if he wanted to meet up this weekend and he said he was out of the country again but "speak soon...I hope x")

Freaky that's rather odd isn't it?
I really don't know what to make of that at all.

Maybe he was dating someone else and that hasn't worked out hence him liking you again. And his reluctance to make a firm date to meet up. It's the only explanation I can think of.

Ok off to read the thread as I've dropped off it.

Waves to all the newbies and everyone else.

I'm not sure you can re-match, to be honest. I know if you de-reg and then re-reg, you can re-match. So, maybe he did did de-reg rather than me accidentally unmatching as I'd assumed...

It could all be completely innocent...he's entitled to both update his profile and keep looking. I know I've done both! And I guess it's positive that he right-swiped me again...if he was trying to avoid me, he wouldn't have done that, right?

I think you are right Waving, I just have to wait for him to get in touch. Or not. And try not to over-invest in the meantime (ha!)

Freaky, it just means he's deleted and created a new profile.

Help.... . I haven't said anything more to Mr Diamond as I'm not sure what else I can say.

It's really thrown me though & has placed a massive doubt, which shouldn't be there so early on (well not at all). It's made me feel second best, as though he has been waiting for something better to come along .

He's been messaging about 'normal' stuff, but I can't join in as it feels false.

It was him that very early on said he was coming off the sites and wanted to know if I was talking to other men. 4 days ago he said that he was no longer having any doubts (following a mini wobble) and also said that his "mum would like me"- WTF is all that about?

Sorry for the me, me post..

Waving The date is with someone I met off Tinder about 6 weeks ago... I was really keen at the start but now I get the impression he's not as keen which is making me less keen... Not sure why as he got an extra day off and offered to come to my city for today's date and I don't think he's seeing anyone else. Maybe seeing him in person will help to clarify!

I was on a couple of threads back but have been lurking throughout.

I'm really having trouble with the online dating thing. I'm just not sure it's for me. It seems to bring out all my worst traits (that I didn't even know I had before!)

I had met a guy on POF, let's call him Elfguy and we met up around four times. We got on really well and he was in contact a lot and made some oblique mentions to the future. A week or so ago I noticed he was going quieter ( hadn't noticed I overthink so much!) and he was on POF all the time( hadn't realised I was a stalker ) , although he had mentioned he had came off as it was too distracting. I mentioned it in a casual way which led him to saying he wanted to meet up to chat about what direction we were going in and he really liked me.

Came to the day when we were meeting and he texted to cancel! I asked why (hadn't realised I was so needy! ) and he basically said he didn't want a relationship and I was lovely etc etc any guy would be lucky to have me etc etc

I have ignored since and will continue to do so but I'm feeling so demoralised and crap about how to move forward. I also in a fit of pique (and not wanting to see him online) deleted my profile on POF so not really helpful.

Sorry for the epic post but does anyone use other methods other than OD to get out there?

waving you are the same as me, I had my little boy later at 42, he's now 3 I'm obviously 44 and all my matches have older kids so I do find we are not in the same place or wavelength. And to make it worse, no father on the scene (POF bellend!!) so no child free weekend...ever! Grrrr

anna post made me chuckle about a pony and chateau!! Ha ha yes wouldn't we all, but I did actually really like something partyboy put in his about me which was under interests he said yes lots but if someone with different ones comes along and they are the right person they will all go out the window anyway! Can't decide if that was said in a bitter or generous way 😄

tanya sounds really nice!!! Go girl! (A and report back obviously)

beth and anna good luck on your dates today, seems it's a busy bank holiday for dating, may they all be successful!

freaky no moose burgers wait for bacon to get in touch I feel xx

And lacob that's a bit irritating, it feels like he's trying to move on but sweep it under the carpet and hope it goes away? If it's still bothering you, and it is then I think you will need to have another chat about it? Good luck xx

Methods other than online dating - obviously easier if you're in a large city - I've signed up to a singles cooking class thing on Saturday.

I'm also going along to a book swap thingy in a couple of weeks - not specifically for single people but at least for people who are open and willing to chat to new people.

So generally just trying to make it so that more new people cross my path than would do if I just got up, went to work, did things with my friends, went home.

I don't know if it's working yet though!

mrslannister he sounds very flaky and it was nothing you did wrong it seems. My suggestion would be sit down with a nice glass of wine tonight and get right back on the horse! New profile, put up some new pics and just have some fun for a confidence boost.
And it's not bringing out the worst traits in you, I have all those and more, I think the ones you describe along with several moose burgers throw in come out in the best of us when OLD! That's why this thread is great, you can share all your crazy, see everyone else has similar moments and act relatively sane when you actually get a date 😂😂

MrsLannister I'd be exactly the same if I met someone I really liked. I obsess, worry, fret, want to ask questions - basically lose all power of sensible thought - when I start seeing someone I like. I recently fell for a man who turned out to be married, unbeknown to me, and I swear I was deranged for about a month!

So far on POF I've had a few chats, one date, and a regular email thing with someone else, who'll I'll hopefully be meeting soon. Neither of them have wowed me particularly, so at the moment I feel In control and it's all fun. But I totally get where you're coming from.

I don't know what the answer is.