Welcome to the House of Fun (and positivity!) - It's dating thread 100

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Oh I totally agree about the "done deal" thing there Jolly - it is annoying and it does feel insulting - I'm just trying to think through how it could be caused by factors other than being lazy and arrogant.

If I'm going to post on this thread regularly I'll need to change my name- cant have two Jollys!

I'm about due a name change anyway.

Sorry, having a nightmare with password and name changing, I'll have to stay as jollyphonics, sorry jollychristmasjumper, I did try.

JollyX and Jollyp? :)

Good idea.
Mind you, I'm not sure I've got the staying power this dating lark. Lots of lovely texts from my date for tonight, but still he's on POF at the moment! I know I know, you have to be practical, it's a numbers game and all that - but it still feels weird to me. When (in the future) I have actually met someone, liked them and maybe even kissed them I just know I'm going to be gutted if I see them on the site.

I'll just keep reciting the mantra - don't look, don't look!

You are on POF too, otherwise you wouldn't know that he's on it.

I did the '5 languages of love' quiz this morning.

Seems my top languages are: physical touch, words of affirmation then acts of reassurance (or whatever the term is).

Thinking about this in the context of my Twix angst/pining. I think it's interesting. That there is a dimension to the Twix situation that relates to that.

I'm giving some thought understatement to our next date (whether its tues or next weekend) and whether I'll be brave enough to indicate that I need the odd word of affirmation from him. Or whether date 7 is a bit to soon. But i need that to open up sexually with him (TMI moment) so may need do it if it looks like we'll get naked.

No angst, though. He texts in his lovely way with 100% consistency. Just sitting on the Pining Bench. Pondering.

Anyone else done this quiz? It's v quick...

Link for the quiz please?

I think it's useful to understand that people communicate differently.

When people say "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" - it only works if everyone is the same. If you treat me how you would like to be treated, I might not like it or appreciate it. Because we are not the same.

Exactly, Trills

I can't seem to link on the mobile but you can Google v easily.

It may even have been 5languagesoflove.com

I was actually surprised that 'physical' came out on top to be honest. Every day a school day!

Been off line for a while this thread moved fast
On my way to meet mr fuzz it's the first date he's v keen. I'll loo update

Good luck catty :) Hope you have an enjoyable afternoon (in my book that's the top requirement for a first date - feeling like you have not wasted your afternoon on something unfun)

I lied. It's:

www.5lovelanguages.com

Jollyphonics yes I'm same with MrBeard I get a sinking feeling when I log in and he online n we've only had 2 dates. I suppose until you've had 'the talk' it's just something we have to live with if we online date

Seems I finally have a date after nearly 2 months! Not sure what I'm doing wrong. This guy seems sweet however he's pretty full on and we haven't even met yet. Is this normal?

Even if you date "not online", you don't know if the person you've had two dates with is talking to or seeing other people. It's just that "Online" gives you more opportunities to feed your paranoia. :)

So, my prospective iron, seems nice, funny looking fella, sings / guitarist.....had no time for proper chat today, but will try and warm things up tonight....

cleo I'd be cautious with someone who is too full-on when you've not yet met. Is he a bit overinvested/overexcited? Is he trying to manipulate you? Hard to say.

Well I've put varnish on my fingers nails now - which I never do - so Mr Always-on-POF better not cancel on me! He's been texting all day so hopefully not.

Hi everyone. Brief summary of me:

I'm dating my heart out after being led up a garden path by an 'Mr Unavailable' for over a year. I'm on POF, Tinder and eHarmony. Have also been speed dating once.

Got a date tonight at 7pm with a guy from POF: my age, similar field of work, sexy looking, and from Kyrgyz Republic!

catty first date he's been on??

cleo full-on could be a red flag. When's the date? What's his past? (kids, wife?)

jolly how many dates have you been on with him?

None. Tonight is the first, so I'm being silly being bothered about it. Especially since I have been messaging someone else for a few days!

He's not married, no kids, similar age. We chatted a lot. He just seems pretty hopeful we'll get on.

Being MASSIVELY full-on before you've even met suggests to me that someone is either:
a - not very calm and well-balanced themselves (and so likely to be very jealous or to take rejection poorly)
or
b - deliberately trying to manipulate you into feeling more for them than you would normally, so they can take advantage in some way

Maybe an amber flag rather than a red one?

It might depend on what you mean by "being full-on" of course.

It depends on the full on texting.

For example, if the person is coming out with shit like, you're the person for me am, sure we're gonna work out, gets upset if you don't reply, if your feeling its all a bit much. Well, it probably is too much.

On the other hand. If you're texting and you're both on the same wave length with a general sense of ease, can't wait too meet up and think it will translate..its all in the context.