DRY 11

[TeapotDictator]

Time for a shiny new thread.

Old thread here

Day 27 here and loving it not really counting the days, but I know cos April 1 was day 1.

Sleeping like a log, waking up refreshed, often before my alarm. Eating more but that's no bad thing. Replacing booze with nutrition - win win!

Went to a social occasion at the weekend which included 5 kids, my DP's ex wife and her parents among others. Normally I would have run to and from the bar at 10 min intervals, but I was very happy with my Diet Coke and not remotely envious of the drinkers. DP had a few beers and we had a good laugh like we always do. Woke up with clear head and no worries about what my drunken self may have said or done that could be regretted.

Best thing I've ever done for myself. No looking back! I've lost nothing but a bad and destructive 'frienemy' and gained my sanity back

Good luck to those still searching for their optimal strategy definitely found mine.

Hi Oncemore - brilliant that you are feeling so great !

You have said how helpful you have found Jason Vale's book. Is there anything else you have found helpful ?

I know a lot of people rave about that book but I have found his writing quite patronising and smug. Any one else have any suggestions for reading ?

Poor you assassin it's horrible when you feel physically meh as well!

I think writing it down, even in cyberspace moves us along. You probably 'knew' a long time ago ( I certainly did) that I was drinking too much, but just shove d the thought to the back of your mind. In the cycle of behaviour change that's called " pre contemplation" - when the ' knowing' becomes more insistent you can either continue to ignore, or face the possibility of change ( contemplation)

See here:

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This work suggests that change and relapse is part of a continuous learning process leading to change. There are some people who spend. Longer on different stages and some people who quit straight off, but many relapse and then stop again, learning something from each relapse ...

Day 47 today - went to a school do last night, lots of wine and lots of parents getting their 4th / 5 th glass - that would have been me but I stuck to OJ ... Then went to the pub with DP after for a quick pint and had a pink of Diet Coke ...

I have enjoyed 'drinking a love story ' and have several others that I haven't had time to read yet !

www.anndowsettjohnston.com/books.html

I always recommend the book linked here - I have re-read it 3-4 times and get something fresh every time.

vxa the Allen Carr book is very similar but less patronising than Jason Vale I believe (have read AC not JV and this is what I've heard from others). Seconding Slim about Ann Dowsett Johnston - great book! These are all the one's I've read :)

vxa and anyone else interested, there's another book I read straight after the Jason vale one called alcohol lied to me, by Craig beck.

It's very similar content but a bit more 'serious' in tone. It also contains lots of good info about nutrition and supplements to help you through early days.

I haven't read the Allen carr book so can't comment on that, but believe it is a similar philosophy and possibly also more serious in tone.

One thing I would say about Jason vale book is that if you can 'hear' his tone as exuberant and uber positive rather than patronising, it might help. I liked it because he seems so happy about his new life! And so 'why the F would anyone do this?!' And that attitude really resonated with me and still is. Rings through my ears when I'm around booze or boozers

I guess it can come across as smug. Maybe I am sounding smug in my posts certainly don't mean to! I just feel happy and grateful, and I really want so share anything I can that might help others on the same journey.

Jason V does say from the outset that you really have to be super open minded when you read it or it won't work. I didn't agree with 100% but probably 99%, and the other 1% I took in the spirit of good intentions or going to extremes to make a very valid point.

I would try to stick with it if you can. It might only take one magic nugget of info or philosophy to flip the switch and there are loads in there.

Good luck!

This Naked Mind by Annie Grace is also really popular atm. Again haven't read it myself but hear others rave about it and it's got plenty of +ve reviews on Amazon :)

Oncemore you don't sound smug, certainly not to me anyway. You sound happy, joyous and quite frankly completely grateful and relieved that you've finally found something that's worked for you. I'm happy for you....I'm happy for me too as I feel the same way most of the time

Glad just a thought regarding your tiny slip.....I was always a people pleaser....I'm not anymore but it has taken years and a lot of work for me not to be ( and incidentally is total freedom but that's another story/thread) I was wondering if maybe that's why you slipped? I hope that hasn't come across as offensive in anyway, it's just that what happened with you is exactly the sort of thing that I would have done if I'd quit at another (not that long ago) time of my life. I wouldn't have wanted to possibly upset a friend by refusing to share the wine with them in case I offended them??? Which now I've written it, sounds so daft but as I explained, I was a complete people pleaser. Thought it was worth considering

Thanks hurricane happy for us both, and all others who have found or are on their way to this lovely freedom

I relate to the people pleasing point a lot. One thing I read and which really struck a chord with me is that alcohol is the only drug (and it is a drug like any other) that we feel we have to justify NOT taking.

There's a book out there called 'How to tell them you don't drink' by Rachel black. I have only read the sample so far but think I will get it in my kindle. She has written a few I believe.

Oncemore Rachel is a a friend IRL and has written 3 or 4 - she's ace, as are her books :)

like a hurricane yes , maybe - I am not an overt people pleaser but I can see similar signs to my situation . Another thing I need to be aware of, thank you!

i do recognize the " change and relapse" cycle and understand it is healthy BUT, how long does it go on for? When does it become not healthy?

I feel I have changed, and then relapsed now, too much tbh :(

Glad that was me too, definitely not overt.....in fact most people would not have believed it but I was. I cared far too much about what other people thought about me, people that didn't really matter. Just never wanted to offend anyone and would usually put their needs before my own. Thankfully I've grown a lot in the last couple of years and quite frankly am very different. The only people whose opinion I value are those who I know for sure have my best interests at heart and they will accept that I don't drink and be happy for me.
Glad my view is that you've had a tiny slip, I honestly don't believe that is a relapse so please don't beat yourself up anymore. Just keep on keeping on and you WILL get there.

When I say not overt, I was not an overt people pleaser....just read my post and that bit at the beginning doesn't make sense! I know what I mean and hopefully you will too Glad

LikeaHurricane what you are describing is something that is strongly associated with alcohol dependence called co-dependency. I hope I'm teaching my mother to suck eggs here but I myself as the adult child of an alcoholic (ACOA) also have chronic people-pleasing or co-dependency tendencies. Lots of books about the subject if you're interested :)
Glad I agree with Hurricane this is a lapse lovely not a relapse . For me it goes lapse - relapse - collapse and you got straight back so doesn't fit my criteria :)

That should have read not teaching my mother to suck eggs!

Lucy that's cool! I like the look of her books. Definitely will be including them in my 'sober and happy' collection

Thanks Lucy, I am interested in any reading material about co-dependency, so if you've any recommendations they will be gratefully received.....and no, you're definitely not teaching me to suck eggs

Day 4 again for me, I am going to read the Jason Vale book - sounds interesting! I have the Allen Carr somewhere too.

I am lurking and reading :)

Likeahurricane Melody Beattie is very good as is Pia Mellody :)
And for any other Adult Children of Alcoholics reading this thread this book is great!

Ah wrote I big long post and lost it!
Hello everyone!
Still here day 31, can't quite believe it! How's everyone doing?
This weathers a bit crazy isn't it!

How's thing vxa ? Did you speak to doc about meds?xx

Lucy Thankyou

Thank you all so much for your kind replies. Am lurking cant join you today. My husband wants a divorce and I need to start again tomorrow :(