DRY 11

[TeapotDictator]

Time for a shiny new thread.

Old thread here

Well done Fuzzy. I hope you do have a lovely mini celebration tonight. Nicotine and alcohol are a big pair of vicious bastards and you are valiant warrior for beating them.

I think this is true:

"it wouldn't surprise me if alcohol was a significant factor in 'helping' us cope with / ignore long-term relationship issues."

but also: I think I (we?) probably chose relationships that facilitated our drinking, and when that is no longer necessary, the very behaviour that was useful is suddenly annoying. It's not fair on P really to mind that he likes nothing better than sitting on his arse drinking wine because when I met him that was probably one of the things I wanted to do most.

I'm late .... ugh always late and always rushing. Have to go.

Have a good sober friday night, sober warriors.

FWL well done ! Those are truly achievements to be proud of !

and vxa I am THE most inflexible unbalanced person in the class by a LONG way - But I am enjoying it, its now 3 weeks I have been going to Yoga, Pilates and Tai chi every week. I enjoy it, and Think that everyone started somewhere ! (when I look at the Flexible amazing 70 odd yr ladies around me ! ) I keep falling off the pilates ball and collapse at yoga. Cant stand for long on one leg and am generally out of condition. But I will get there - and not tipping a bottle of wine down my neck every day must help !

The issues with DP are longstanding and ongoing. I agree with FWL I am much less tolerant of unfairness, poor behavior and general lack of pulling weight

Howbad your DP was in the WRONG, and instead of manning up, and saying 'sorry' and meaning it and doing better next time. He is sulking like a teenager. I would not be happy either .

Hope the weekend is not too bad for you. x

Evening All
Feeling a bit rubbish this evening and I don't know why! I could of very easily bought a bottle or two on the way home tonight and the wine with was making herself heard! I bought ginger ale instead though.I was thinking of you all here on this thread which helped me alot so thanks
I'm sorry some of you are having relationship issues . I definitely agree to both your points fuzzy and howbad. I'm single but I can see the effects alcohol had in my relationship. I hope things work out for both of you lily and howbad

Sticking my head in quickly to wave sober pom poms in celebration of a MN Dry thread member who was recently published!! We met on this thread and she has become a friend IRL and this is what she wrote having hit 2 years sober

Well done FWLthose are both huge achievements !

boodles well done with not succumbing to the wine witch's spell. Keep strong

Thanks for the link lucy

I have just seen that there is a Louis Theroux programme on on Sunday night at 9pm "Drinking to oblivion" which I think will be really interesting. A few weeks ago I would have avoided it because some of it would probably have been far too close for comfort but hopefully I will be able to watch it.

Hugs to everyone

vxa2 brilliant - I love Louis Theroux and I'm also obsessed with alcoholic documentaries and blogs.

Just wanted to say well done to everyone for their sobriety, whether your on day 1 or day 10,000. Friday night is one of my hardest nights of the week.. I'm sure this is the same for many of you.

A bit sad I know but I just had to work out how many years 10,000 days would be - 27 years 4 months ish. I'm not go

I'm sticking to one day at a time but 10,000 is possible although I'll be 71 !! Still if I had carried out the way I was I probably wouldn't have made it to 71.

I love Louis too.

Hello lovely people! I haven't checked in for days. Well done to all of us. Yes to so much that has been said upthread about relationships and using alcohol to numb crappy feelings.

I'm away for the weekend in a lovely sunny beachy resort. DH is having a beer and I am so jealous of him! Am quite surprised by feeling jealous because I thought I had my thinking all straight about drinking, and I'm on 7 months AF now. Can never be complacent though. I have snuck off to read this thread for a bit and now I am going to go for a walk with DD along the beach.

KOKO. We can do it. We can. We must.

vxa you were asking about nalmefene earlier on the thread and I've shared a published meta-analysis research paper on my blog about it today should you wish to read it here :)

Thanks lucy that's very interesting. I am going to try Acamprosate. Even if the data on Nalmefene was better I don't plan on drinking and my understanding is that you take it as and when if you are planning to drink. I don't want to get to that point. If you have anything on Acamprosate that would be interesting. I have read around quite a bit and it looks quite positive. I am seeing the addiction support service Dr next week to discuss.

vxa Quick look on google scholar throws us this systematic review and meta-analysis of the literature pertaining to Acamprosate and Naltrexone (but it's pretty old - up to 2004) with this conclusion:
Both acamprosate and naltrexone are effective as adjuvant therapies for alcohol dependence in adults. Acamprosate appears to be especially useful in a therapeutic approach targeted at achieving abstinence .... Both drugs are safe and acceptably tolerated. So I would consider that pretty robust but a search for more recent literature might find something else! :)

I'm glad you have had the support you need vxa to make a decision that's right for you. I think acamprosate is a valuable extra 'tool' in the box to help beat the cravings and I have seen people be long term abstinent whilst taking it

you post made the smile umpteen I thought of the beach and how much I would love to be there with my kids right now ! And that the last time I was sober I made it to almost 8 months and a holiday with my kids was when I snapped and started again. I have given a lot of thought to why I relapsed on that particular day, at that time, - it makes me sad. I have been reading a lot of my posts on the earlier Dry threads- and I went from so scared and anxious to strong and feeling confident.

I think I relapsed when I did because I felt at peace. I was not stressed, in a place that I love , with just my kids ( note the absence of DP - I do) I don't know why this feeling of safety and peace led me to think a bottle of sav blanc was a good idea - but it did ....

So, I've been to tai chi and to a body balance class today , and walked the dog for 2 hours ( she is a collie ) ! The kids are with their father and I am having a coffee in the cafe and then I am going to read a 'sober book' for a it before I have a sauna / steam...

I have been thinking a lot about my relationship - and its place in the alcohol scheme of things - I agree with hiwbad that one of the things that promoted my relationship with my exh and Dp was the fact that they tolerated ( in the case of ExH encouraged) my drinking. I think the decision to stop drinking is a deeply personal one and I genuinely don't mind DP drinking around me - what I do mind us him coming home completely plastered: boring , repetitive, and stupid. We have some considerable problems in our relationship, but I the end none of them are insoluble if we could talk to each other. But when something comes up - if he is annoyed with me he comes straight out with it - and either I accept that he is right and apologise, or we have a discussion about whatever it is. So far so normal. But when I am annoyed with him about something , however I raise it, whenever I raise it he gets extremely defensive , shouty and nasty. The conversAtions therefore over. So I bottle up all my frustrations and resent,men's ( and drank to forget them) until something happens and I explode - I kick him out ( it's my house) and then he us sorry.

But it never changes and I don't think it will without some relationship counselling .he is sleeping at a friends at the moment after his ridiculous behaviour on Tuesday. I am not at all sure what I am going to do. I hate ultimatums and never make them unless I mean it.... But I am thinking that I may make one ... ' one session of proper counselling - at least - or it's over ' ...

Love and sober strength to all my friends on this thread ,

Lily x

Hi Lily, I remember you talking before about relapsing on holiday at eight months. It stuck in my mind as a warning not to think I've cracked it because I've got a few months under my belt. Glad you've had a good day today. It sounds tough with your DP, and giving your ultimatum is a wise move.

Morning everyone.

Lily

Good morning lily how are you feeling ? I was thinking about you a lot in the night.

How is everyone today ? X

Lily I hope you are okay today? I was advised not to make any major external changes in my first year of sobriety because we are going through so many internal changes ourselves. My emotions were so labile in the early days and tbh it is only now in year 2 approaching year 3 that they are settling fully. That said only you know what is best for you :)

Morning all, Lily thinking of you last night hope you are ok. On a plus from my wee world is that although yesterday pm was very stressful, rushing about taking boys to various sporting events, DP being lazy, and I felt I was going to explode... Was so near to agreeing with my inner voice that a tin of fosters would be fine at the end of the day, but managed to ride it and here I am this morning still AF thank goodness, clear head and already done most of Sunday chores, prepped dinner and going to have a relaxing Sunday. Day 13 and sleeping better at last. Been doing lost of fast forward tape and that is working X

Well done journey that's a real test that you passed :-)

I'm ok thanks - thought I had killed the entire Dry threads last night with my self indulgent rambling.

lucy I saw your posts on the early dry threads I think - you are right about not making big decisions - for now I have 'forced' DP and DS1 to talk to one another and agree some ground rules for living ... I will tackle more things when I feel able ...

Well done journey that's brilliant,

lily you were not at all self indulgent. That what we are all here for. Sounds like you have made a good decision re DP and you sound brighter today. I was very impressed with all the activities you squeezed in yesterday. Do you think tai chi is worth a try ? I am trying to find something new,

well. I have been totally off the wagon. hitting it hard for the past 2 weeks which is why I;ve been a no show. Vomited on waking and going to bed yeaterday. So. I have decided that I want to be sober and feel better than I do right now. I am bloated, sick, exhausted and weighed down with the compulsion to drink. On the tea just now and thinking of this as day 1 on a new part of my journey.
Well done to everyone else who's winning this battle.

Hi there yellowfloss - good to see you. It sounds like you have had a really rough time but you are here now which is a big step in itself. You need to be kind to yourself and take it slowly - don't think too far ahead just try and focus on YOU. Some others have suggested that it is useful to write down how you feel now and then put it away. Then if you feel you are at risk of drinking you can look at it and remind yourself why you don't want to drink. I have found that writing things down helps me to move on instead of thoughts going endlessly around in my head.

Can you have an early night, a healthy light supper and a warm bath ? Do you have a supportive partner? You can come here and chat anytime you need. Take care.

Thanks so much vxa2 for your kind words and support. When you slip it's so hard to pick yourself back up again. But hey, it's 6pm and am still sober. Think I'll take your advice and go for a nice bubble bath. Feeling tired.

Hi all!

I just wanted to drop in to say thank you. I'm away for work at the moment and I was very anxious about it. I still am, as we have some big meetings and there will be some tough conversations over the next few days.

BUT I feel so much better than I did last time I was doing this trip. I feel fresher, more confident, more able. I know this has a lot to do with you lot. I really appreciate it. Thank you, every one of you

howbad I'm so pleased it's easier for you than you feared it would be - well done !

floss welcome back :-) perhaps when you are feeling better , you would benefit from analysing why you have relapsed at this particular time ?

Quiet day. Watched Louis Theroux this evening - was a bit disappointed in a way, but it certainly underlined what was at the end of the line if one keeps drinking !