what should I tell my dd? i need to leave home (and dh)for a few days to think

[whattdoido]

I need to leave home for a few days with my 6year old school going dd. I need to tell dd something that would be plausible both to her and to all her friends/teachers.

If dd didnt have school then I would be going to spend time with family. Im trying to cause miminum disruption and upset to dd. So/but I will most liikely be going to stay in a hotel for a few days.

How are things?

Hi rarity75 thanks for asking.

I'm getting angry. And I'm considering where to go. I can't believe the cheek of the man. I've been filling dd's days with fun. She is in good spirits. We are not home much. This is normal for us when H is working long hours.

I have been married for 14 years. Together for 18. This is the 1st time he has hit me. Although he would frequently use aggression and threatening behaviour to intimidate me. He no longer drinks in front of dd. We don't see him drunk as he will go straight to bed. He probably drinks less than most adults in uk.

However his relationship with alcohol is caustic. He drinks despite knowing the harm. He drinks and is full of self-disgust. He has not been drinking this week after Monday. He has not apologised. We have not argued.the house is big enough for our paths not to cross.

I'm sick of him. Can't wait until he leaves and I have a bit of breathing space.

In not minimising his drinking by the way - I'm explaining a little to those people on here that think it's fine to 'pile onto someone who is suffering and vent hatred and call me a bad mother'. Our home life is probably happier than most (but not the environment in which I plan to raise my beautiful child).

I know this post is a muddle. I am very agitated and cross.

Wouldn't it be nice to hire a villa and live somewhere warm for the summer/forever. If I rent I can afford to live (incredibly modestly) without working, especially in cheaper parts of the country/Europe.

Taking the original passports would arouse suspicion boaty

Forgive me if this isn't very well worded, but I hope it makes sense.

It's not about being 'good' or 'bad' as a parent overall - it's about exposure to damage. People up-thread haven't been saying you're a bad mother, which is how you seem to have heard it. I don't know if you're feeling extra defensive because you're feeling guilty (I do this) but they're just pointing out that you're the only one who can change your daughter's life.

And I'm so sorry if this makes you feel worse, but it doesn't sound like "a happier home than most" I'm afraid. My husband's mum deluded herself like that too and it messed him up hugely, he's still in counselling. On the plus side it sounds like you could help provide that sort of stability for your little girl in time, but no matter what happens, her dad's alcoholism is going to cause her issues.

Have you tried talking to a counsellor etc at all? How are your actual plans for separation going?