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Relationships

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Original poster

Men who think they are only worth what they can earn

178 replies

Lovetruelove · 25/02/2016 19:51

Just add your thoughts on this one!

In the last 3 years I have had 2 men ( creative types) who are very talented but don't earn a lot of money saying ( heard through other people) I don't think she would be interested in me as I don't have this and that ect.

I am not materlistic at all so can not see where this is from - is this a common theme with men - 'women only want us for our money?

OP posts:

TheHoneyBadger · 29/02/2016 08:39

wondering if we know the same person katharina

KatharinaRosalie · 29/02/2016 10:27

I'm wondering how many millions of middle aged men whose 'band is just about to make it' are out there

Original poster

Lovetruelove · 29/02/2016 11:14

Loving this hatred of 'creative types' - look around you - everything you have in your home and what your listening to has been created by a 'creative' 😀

OP posts:

TheHoneyBadger · 29/02/2016 11:16

don't think people are 'hating' creative types - just those who live off of other people and seem to not even notice that their partner is paying the bills, taking care of the children and running the house whilst they contribute nothing.

cupcakesandwine · 29/02/2016 12:58

It definitely applies to men too. With hindsight my exH only wanted me whilst I was a very high earner (he was too). We met at uni with nothing and spent 30 years climbing the ladder.

When I was made redundant he became so careless over concealing his affairs because he felt so contemptuous of me that he was bound to get caught out. The daft thing is that if he had been decent and supportive there is no doubt I would have got another job in the same field. As my marriage collapsed I walked away from all of that too. I don't regret it.

KatharinaRosalie · 29/02/2016 12:59

I don't hate creative types. I just think my friend's boyfriend is a cocklodger, excusing this by claiming he's an undiscovered artist.
Once you have children, you can be creative in your free time, but should also do something to feed them.

HormonalHeap · 29/02/2016 15:46

Think it depends on your circle. Unfortunately in my part of the world a lot of mens' self esteem is tied up with how financially successful they are. This is not true of women. My dh couldn't care less if I work or not, long as I'm happy. But I think generally speaking whatever a man does, if he's good at it, he's successful!

Trills · 29/02/2016 20:18

We're not being unpleasant towards people who actually have a creative job - we're being unpleasant towards people who PRETEND to be creative while actually freeloading off other people.

Justaboy · 29/02/2016 20:53

Cabrinha Catherine Cookson LOL!, 'eee lass I'll have ter get me titfer on and all that!. Christ on a tricycle I'm not that bl^^dy shallow it was just to emphasise the difference between someone who's had it all handed to her on a plate but is still as stingy as, and yep I can imagine there are some very arseholic single mums and the ilk around too.

And contrary to what you might believe I'm not that money motivated but i know some who are and very serious money at that in the hundreds of millions bracket and they aren't that pleasant or happy with it either!.

I'll bear in mind your comments Helena !!

Justaboy · 29/02/2016 20:56

KatharinaRosalie I used to knock around with some like that many years ago and guess what?. Most all of them are shacked up and dependent on their partner and their Big Break is just around the next corner, some 30 odd years on!..

Original poster

Lovetruelove · 29/02/2016 21:32

I didn't say they are using anyone? or not earning any money? -just a lifestyle choice between 25k versus 100 k say - big house versus small rented house - shopping trips versus a walk on the beach? ... Spending time with people they love/or things they love doing - but many will judge them for it -but I suppose they are not worth worrying about 😀🍷

OP posts:

DadOnIce · 01/03/2016 15:18

There isn't a female equivalent of "cocklodger", is there?

I'm not saying there ought to be, but I get the impression that a female partner who stays at home working on a non-lucrative artistic career - whether that's writing books, interior design or selling twigs and pebbly shit online - while hubby goes out to work in a "conventional" job that pays the bills, is less criticised on here than the reverse...

KatharinaRosalie · 01/03/2016 15:54

That's probably true DadOnIce, but the difference tends to be that the female partner then also does most, if not all, of the childcare and housework, which I think it's quite fair. My own DH was a SAHD for a while and I had no complaints about that, he was taking care of the baby. Not spending his time hanging with this mates in a garage, drinking beer and claiming they have a band.

SoThatHappened · 01/03/2016 16:03

There isn't a female equivalent of "cocklodger", is there?

One of my married female friends a few years ago quit a regular conventional job to work a non-lucrative very part time "dream" job of hers. Working up to 10 hours a week. No DC to care for.

She spent her days when she wasnt "working" doing yoga, having massages and lunches out and her DH did his fair share of all the house work too.

What a life. If a man did this at a working woman's expense when there were no children to be cared for he would be called a cock lodger. Yet my female friend wasnt.

annandale · 01/03/2016 20:23

I would say the female equivalent of cocklodger is gold-digger and there is plenty of negative cultural comment about them.

StrawberryMouse · 01/03/2016 20:26

It's similar to how women are valued for their looks I think. The old stereotype, women want a rich man, men want a beautiful woman.

Original poster

Lovetruelove · 01/03/2016 20:34

Strawberry- Yes men do seem to value looks above all else - which is just as shallow as women valuing men for money! I suppose.

OP posts:

SoThatHappened · 01/03/2016 22:12

Yes men do seem to value looks above all else

Not so. The women I was cheated on and left for would disprove that theory 100%.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 01/03/2016 22:22

Yes the woman my exh cheated with would disprove that theory too. Yet it's my experience. The men I've dated since separating have been quite clear that youth and beauty is their priority. Although I have also been pursued quite extensively by married men.

Perhaps married men will aim to cheat with any old bit of scrag but single men will hold out for youth and beauty...

Original poster

Lovetruelove · 01/03/2016 22:32

Folk girl - Funny thing is it's just as bad being only loved for your looks as being unloved because your looks are not good enough - the men have gone very quiet? I think most older women have experienced both - youth and then the invisible age

OP posts:

SoThatHappened · 01/03/2016 22:34

Perhaps married men will aim to cheat with any old bit of scrag but single men will hold out for youth and beauty...

Theory disproved again. Mine were both boyfriends, never married. Aged 35 and under.

One cheated on me for a woman who looked old enough to be his mother and never wore make up even though he nitpicked me when we dated about always looking dolled up and pretty.

The other one who cheated went out with again a woman who wouldn't win any beauty contests and again looks much much older than me.

SoThatHappened · 01/03/2016 22:36

At what age are you invisible.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 01/03/2016 22:46

In my case, about 25.

I'm now 40. The only men who show any interest in me are in their 70s! Oh and married. I tend to treat it as a bit of a joke. These men can't seriously think I might be interested!

The thing is, I don't honestly think I'm that bad!

Original poster

Lovetruelove · 01/03/2016 22:48

Sothathappened - you will know.

OP posts:

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 01/03/2016 22:55

But I'm definitely invisible now. To the extent that young men in their 20s feel quite comfortable in my company and being friends with me!

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