Men who think they are only worth what they can earn

[Lovetruelove]

Just add your thoughts on this one!

In the last 3 years I have had 2 men ( creative types) who are very talented but don't earn a lot of money saying ( heard through other people) I don't think she would be interested in me as I don't have this and that ect.

I am not materlistic at all so can not see where this is from - is this a common theme with men - 'women only want us for our money?

That is so perfectly put: not needing someone else's money, but not wanting them to need mine.

what if they couldn't earn anymore - are they no good now

But that's different. If you are married or in a long term relationship, and something happens it's different to deciding to be with someone who's attitude to money is different.

I wouldn't have married dh if he was quite happy letting me pay all the bills while he did piss all.

If, God forbid, he became disabled that would be something he couldn't help. He would still want to be financial equals but it wouldn't be in his control.

If he came home tomorrow having thrown out savings on a brand new car that he fancied, I would go mad. Or start spunking money away and left his job for a low paid one that left the financial responsibility to me, I would leave him.

Cheersmedea I know what your saying but what would the world be without creative types

Of course the world needs creative types. Ion not have to date them though

I don't have to date them

Katenka - well that's my point

I see it all the time on here, early dating threads where the OP says "he paid for the drinks".

In YOUNG women, there is still an expectation that a man will pay, and I think it's disgusting - I'm in the minority on threads when I do to it.

I'm no ogre. I love treating people. I don't think there's anything wrong with a man paying instead of going 50/50, on a given occasion. As long as it is absolutely 50/50 in life. If a woman sometimes accepts a first date offer to pay, but on as many occasions with other men pays herself for both - all good. But that doesn't happen.

I had a male friend tell me he was reducing his dating frequency - in this day and age, he said the overwhelming majority of women seemed to expect him to pay - no move for their purse at bill time, no move to the bar when both drinks empty for some time - or would accept instantly if he offered. He simply couldn't afford to date as many times as he had potential to! (OLD, lots of opportunity)

Whilst women still think it's OK to take men's money from the very first date, we're not moving away from an expectation in society that men do the paying, the earning, the supporting.

I want a man who appreciates sitting on a windy hillside with a flask of hot chocolate and a slice of homemade cake followed by a pint of real ale in a cosy pub, rather than someone who wants to 'wine and dine' me.

And someone who cares about other people rather than just lining their own pockets.

And someone who talks about philosophy rather than football (or at least as well as!)

Perhaps that's why I'm single...

Cab that really annoys me. Many of my female friends still expect dates, boyfriends and husbands to pay for dinner, drinks etc.

My mum and dad only have joint accounts but he still has to do the paying. It comes out of one account but she she has this thing that Dad has to do the actual transaction. Which is odd because in everything else she is very opposed to inequality between the sexes.

It's so bizarre.

Agree with folk girl again - maybe it's just what your into - I'm outdoorsy so don't want ' things' or even holidays just want to 'be'.

I'm a bit worried about outing myself here... I have recently got engaged very quickly. One reason I am comfortable to do so, is that my boyfriend gave a considerable sum of money to a friend - because his friend had greater need. My boyfriend earns half what I do. He loves shiny things, he's not miserly - but he's also generous and has adapted happily through lean times and fat. We have the same attitude to money. That's more important than the relative amounts of our incomes, the balance of which will surely change several more times before retirement. But part of a similar attitude to money, is that he has forgone spend spend spend for some rainy day fund, and has a vague idea how his retirement will be funded. Neither of us are putting out all into saving for 65. But neither of us are ignoring it. He looks for a bargain, but also enjoys spending, like me. Having the same attitude to money is so important to me.

I'm outdoorsy.
But the kind of outdoorsy that enjoys shiny things.
My boyfriend and I love to just sit on a hillside and then a pub. But we like to get to that hillside on relatively expensive shiny bikes
Perfect match

I often pay in restaurants, and despite handing over the card, and it having "Miss" on it, I have on several occasions had the payment machine then handed to my boyfriend!
I did a survey once... no, none of my male friends, boyfriends, colleagues have ever had their card handed back to the female they were with to pay.
Which tells you that it's the man paying more often.

I worked in a restaurant for years. If a card was put on top of the bill. I would make a point of reading it before starting the transaction or if no title was on it, Asking both whose card it was.

I have had a few looks in restaurants when I have paid for mine and dhs meal.

Amazing how many times people have said 'I don't need a man to have money, I just need him not to need mine'.

I think it shows the imbalance in gender expectations here. Many men exist in relationships where they fund their partners as well as themselves (often with both parties happy with this setup).

Society places different burdens on men and women. A woman with little money will very often still be successful attracting a partner, because men don't place much value on a woman's earning power. Women get judged in other ways, which can be just as unfair.

Put simply, most normal people are not very shallow, and shortcomings in any area can be compensated for with other qualities. Most people pick partners based on a complex mix of criteria.

But in shallow, one-dimensional terms, women often get judged on looks and youth, and men get judged on status. Social changes since the 60s have lessened this, but it's clearly still a factor in many people's judgements.

Elf true women get judged in other ways I.e looks, to the point that now I almost don't believe in 'love' as through my life I have had men chase me and declare undying love for me, but I used to stop and think -but why aren't you in love with the less attractive one in the corner? So are you actually in love with me? But that's a whole new subject I might start lol !

There's a bit in the Swan Princess cartoon film where all grown up, the Prince declares his love for the Princess. She looks so happy, then asks him why he loves her. He says she's beautiful. She says "and what else?". He goes silent. She looks very sad, and shakes her head and walks away from his marriage proposal.

I love it when my daughter watches that bit!

Cabrinha - love it! Not seen that must watch it x

Folkgirl I have a sit on hillside drink out of a flask DH who talks about philosophy but does also talk about football. He is also a high earner to boot who will share and gives quite a lot to charity.

He would however be ruled out by the majority of MN as he is a Tory.

I insisted on paying for dinner on our first date which he liked.

Piemernator Nooooooo! You'll cause me to malfunction!

Exh thinks he's worth more because he earns an okish amount of cash.

Maybe I should start a new thread on assumptions- I feel lots of people make assumptions about other people -I have been guilty of it as well😀

Piemer -folk girl and I are jealous of you now😀

I think both people have to contribute equally to a relationship. That doesn't always mean money.

For example, the perennial issue of a SAHM and a WOHM Dad and he decides she is not contributing because he brings home the money. A slightly different version is where man and woman get together and he and she are earning the same, move in together and each contribute half to the household bills. Then she gets pregnant and his career forges ahead. Then she goes back to work and her career stalls or is part time but he still expects her to match him pound for pound on every household outgoing so she has no money left and he regards his spare cash as his to spend as he pleases - not as family money.

When we decided to have children me and DW agreed I would take a lower paid flexible academic job and she the high flyng high paid City job. Our contribution was to our family as a whole - not just in cash. Things didn't work out as we planned but we both still contribute equally in effort.

Its the effort that each contributes that matters to me.

However, not all men feel that way. Some men love having a trophy wife and she is at home and has a cleaner and sometimes a nanny and plenty of money for clothes, cars and pampering and just 'supports' his career as a trophy wife. That is her contribution. He is happy with that and there are women for whom that is their goal.

Not sure I could deal with being a trophy husband but I suspect there are high flying high paid women who would love to have a house husband to take care of everything for them while they focus on their career.

Clara r yes that one as well - Before I say this I must put a disclaimer on that I am sure there are a lot of nice hard working men but but but ... there is an awfull lot of men who have got to where they have got to because they are cold harsh b*s - I have enough life and work experience to know this to be true - (sorry if any nice ones are reading - other less earning men don't seem to see this - just feel inferior?

I think you mean Caractacus Potts VoyageOfDad!