Men who think they are only worth what they can earn

[Lovetruelove]

Just add your thoughts on this one!

In the last 3 years I have had 2 men ( creative types) who are very talented but don't earn a lot of money saying ( heard through other people) I don't think she would be interested in me as I don't have this and that ect.

I am not materlistic at all so can not see where this is from - is this a common theme with men - 'women only want us for our money?

Atticus Finch and Truly Scrumptious?! Now there's an unexpected pairing!

Lovetruelove - I agree.

There are some men who 'keep score' by counting how much they earn and like to display that with fast cars, etc. Its actually a dominance display thing against other men. Like a peacock flashing its tail feathers. They often like to 'keep' a woman as part of that display. The woman is an adjunct to their life only in the sense it displays his wealth. She of course has to be younger, blonde, possibly a model, you know the sort. He usually trades them in for a newer version after ten years.

They are often not very pleasant people. I worked in the City with quite a few.as well.

Abeta - agree

So a word of warning ( without trying to sound patronising) to any women dating - all that glitters and all that.

I don't think though, Love, that there are many women who think like that. My personal experience both from being a single woman who has dated, and knowing single men of a similar age, the biggest barrier to men finding true love is not that woman have unrealistic expectations of their wealth, but that men have unrealistic expectations of women's youth and beauty.

VoD could have made for an interesting spin off though!

Cabrinha Points taken and noted all valid thanks.

Folkgirl If you'll pardon me saying so publicly I always thought you came across as a lovely person and your postings here have reinforced that view. Take a bow, I wish there were a few more No! a Lot more like you around:-)

Back to the OLD oddessy. One lady who I went out with was not short of a few bob. We went to this very upmarket restaurant and the food was fantastic but she did nothing much other then grumble that they hadn't quite got the cut of meat that she wanted, and one or two other things that I'd have though no one else would even think about.

So the bill came, just over 240 quid and not even an offer to pay some of it if she did I'd have refused and insisted on paying it but it would have been so NICE for her to have "Offered".

What stuck me as even worse she couldn't bring herself to bear to part with a few quid for a tip for the waitresses, they were excellent and I know they earn very little.

So I took her tight butt home and said thanks but no thanks and goodbye.

In fact I think I'd have enjoyed a bag of fish and chips on a windy hillside at the seaside and a pint in a warm pub with the Right woman! and it would have never have been her!

WTF were you doing going to a £120 a head restaurant on a first date for, Justaboy? 😳😳😳

Whose choice was it?

Don't assume not tipping is tight though!
Every man that has ever finished with me has listed "generous" as one of my good qualities!
But I'm not a tipper. Set your price, and I'll pay it.
In a place like you've described, I expected the so called discretionary service charge had been paid in your £240 anyway.

If waiting staff go out of their way - e.g. Extra accommodating to my child when she was smaller and messier I'd tip loads.

But I don't think that just being served warrants a tip. If you're charging me to have a plate brought over, tell me - I'll pay it or collect it.

On dates I always got my round and offered to pay for meals.
I'm afraid I am a bit old fashioned and in the early days when you're out to impress each other, alarm bells would have rung if the man had allowed me to pay the first time we went out for a meal. I'd have insisted on paying the 2nd time though.
I think there's an element of being burned a few times by men looking for a woman with money. One of my friends suggested I told potential dates I worked in Tesco rather than admit to my true job

Yes, I'd be at someone just saying "OK" if I said I'd pay, first date.
To me, the only time it's acceptable is if it's going really well and the other person uses it as a jokey excuse to say we need a second date.

CheersMedea - I can assure you I've not "bought myself a boyfriend" - he didn't know how much I earned until very recently after more than a year of dating. He probably guessed I earned more than him but I am quite sure he is not after my money as we split everything evenly. And for what it's worth earning more does not necessarily mean having more disposable income anyway, depending on how you spend your cash.

How does your husband feel about having bought himself a wife, or is that ok because he's a man

You have to be realistic though. Saying you value a good person whether he has money or not. Well sweet nothings don't pay the bills.

Nor do I want to be dependent on a man for money. I want to be self reliant.

I think some men over estimate their financial worth however....staving off the gold diggers from their heavily mortgaged semi. Very few people have a very significant amount to take.

Being poor and being sponged off by someone else who doesn't contribute can certainly eat away at true love - especially if you live in a suburban semi.

That said, I could probably stick it out for a while longer in a chateaux in the Charente while it slowly fell down around my ears.

It does..no matter how true your lurve and no matter how much money spent matter. Supporting someone financially can be a burden.

I dont want to keep someone who cant keep themselves and I dont want to be kept either.

I see so many financial abuse threads from women who get given no money from their husbands who in some cases earn a packet.

I dont want to be like that and I dont want to keep someone either.

Of course you have to be realistic but there is a massive difference between "spongers" and men who just earn less than you but who are hardworking honest guys.

I've been poor. I grew up poor, then I was ill in my 20s so couldn't reliably work. I don't fancy going back to being poor, so I was quite picky about choosing a guy who is hard working and financially stable. Not arsed about a big house or anything, but I definitely care that I'm with someone who will work hard to provide. I will also work hard, it's a two way thing.

I don't fancy being poor either. So I worked my arse off at uni and have a career that I work hard at.
It wouldn't occur to me to specifically choose a boyfriend to provide for me.

Well I have always been poor and have known no different. When I was dating I always offered to pay half.

My husbands family are far wealthier than mine (by no means rich but comfortable).

Now we are both poor I never looked for a rich man. It has always made me uncomfortable to know that my dh has had more money than me. I think what makes it work between us is that we have similar ambitions and attitudes to money.

FedUp I didn't say I expect him to provide for me. I said I expect him to provide. I will also do so. I don't want to carry someone. I want to be able to rely on them. Fair enough if you don't want that, but personally I need someone I know will do what they can to work with me to make a stable home.

I never did understand the idea that a man should pay, just because he is a man, just like I don't agree that a woman should do the dishes, just because she is a woman.

Seoul - but the OP wasn't talking about men who are cocklodgers/spongers. Just men who are not high earners/ earn less than you.

I also look for a hardworking, honest man who wants to contribute to our life together. I don't necessarily need them to be a high earner though is all I'm saying.

the biggest barrier to men finding true love is not that woman have unrealistic expectations of their wealth, but that men have unrealistic expectations of women's youth and beauty.

oh yeah. They all expect to pull Claudia Schiffers daughter.