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Original poster

Should I say anything or just leave it?

662 replies

CarsonTheButler · 25/02/2016 15:12

Hugely long-time lurker. Created account and would appreciate any advice.

Last evening I popped DH's coat on to quickly go to the car and found two tickets for an afternoon showing at the local cinema in the pocket. We've lived in this area for four months (and for one of those we were back in our home country for Christmas) , I didn't know DH knew anyone well enough out of the family to go to the movies with. Casually asked DH what he did with his day (he works from home most days, I am office-based) and he said "conference calls mainly and a stroll into town for a coffee this morning" and that was it.

I don't mind him going to the movies and would certainly like him to make friends in our new town (new country actually) so why didn't he just tell me what he has been doing?

I know, I know I should just outright ask him but am not sure I really want to know the answer. Been awake all night thinking of all the times he has been out and to be honest it isn't many at all, mainly he goes to running club which he walks to in his sports gear. He's been very chirpy lately. I just thought he was happy with our move but who knows now? Before Christmas I was away with work and DD mentioned he was out twice til after midnight. Didn't think anything of it at the time but now I am wondering. Any advice on how to approach this or should I just leave it?

OP posts:
Drew64 · 25/02/2016 16:14

Ahhh another spying on Husband thread then!

SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals · 25/02/2016 16:15

I would put the tickets on front of him on the table and just ask him outright. His reaction should tell you all you need to know.

becauseican · 25/02/2016 16:15

What's your housekeeper like? that might be your answer......

Original poster
CarsonTheButler · 25/02/2016 16:17

Yeah, she comes in for a few hours every afternoon. Completely normal round here and very useful. Nice lady, she worked with the family who lived here before us.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 25/02/2016 16:17

Another country, Freya - maybe middle east?

shoeaddict83 · 25/02/2016 16:18

sorry but i dont know how you couldnt ask him when hes already blatantly lied to your face by not telling you when you asked what he'd done that day. If its innocent and nothing to hide he would have told you surely, chatted to you about the film or the friend he met?! Hmm

Maybe its just me i just couldnt keep that in, i'd need to know the answer.

just coz you say neither of you knew anyone before the move doesnt mean its true - he clearly does things without you knowing so how can you be 100% sure he didnt know someone close by prior to your move?

elflim · 25/02/2016 16:19

The middle east is not somewhere I'd be dabbling in extra-marital activity, even should I be inclined!

SavoyCabbage · 25/02/2016 16:20

I wouldn't be able to not mention it. The fact that you asked him what he'd done yesterday and he hasn't mentioned he went to the cinema would make me unable to believe anything he said.

ImperialBlether · 25/02/2016 16:21

I'm just guessing at middle east - I don't know!

Joysmum · 25/02/2016 16:21

Ahhh another spying on Husband thread then!

Damn right, so many people would still be in relationships with cheaters if they hadn't.

As balance to this, I snooped in my early days with my DH (trust issues due to previous relationship) and it led me to trust again so it was a positive in our relationship. Unlike the anti snooping brigade, DH was just sad I needed to but glad I did together is to where we are now.

Joysmum · 25/02/2016 16:22

*to get us to where we are now

Original poster
CarsonTheButler · 25/02/2016 16:23

As I said, neither of us knew anyone in the area when we moved here. DH's local office where he does a few hours a week has three people working in it. I have met them all and they're all local to here.

OP posts:
becauseican · 25/02/2016 16:23

that fact that you say you are afraid of the answer means you must suspect something - or you would have just said 'you didn't mention you went to the cinema' when you found them?

Whistle73 · 25/02/2016 16:26

You don't think he might have picked up some rubbish (ie the tickets) off the floor and shoved it in his pocket as he walked along to get a coffee?
It's the sort of thing I do. I hate litter Blush

Original poster
CarsonTheButler · 25/02/2016 16:27

The movie in question isn't exactly a date movie. In fact if I suggested we go together and see it, he's think I was up to something as I dislike that kind of film and he well knows it. In fact, it's exactly the kind of film he would go and see on his own.

OP posts:
Robotgirl · 25/02/2016 16:27

What are you afraid of, OP?
Why not just ASK HIM?
What's the housekeeper like? Hmm

Original poster
CarsonTheButler · 25/02/2016 16:30

DH seems chirpier than he has done in years. I thought this was down to our move and I was delighted.

DH went out two nights in a row til after midnight when I was away on a work trip. Not an issue in the place where we previously lived where we both had friends and a good social life- here, a little perplexing.

Both of the above, I didn't give much thought to before. Now I have found the tickets, they have a whole new significance. That's why I am suspicious.

OP posts:
Chocolatteaddict1 · 25/02/2016 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Chocolatteaddict1 · 25/02/2016 16:32

In fact it's gotta be the house keeper. This one is gonna be a slow burner Wine

PurpleHairAndPearls · 25/02/2016 16:33

God some of these replies are bloody rude. This is relationships, not AIBU.

Am I missing a reason why people are being so twattish to OP?

Joysmum · 25/02/2016 16:34

getting bored now ......

Well fuck off then. The OP's life isn't for you personal entertainment Hmm

ImperialBlether · 25/02/2016 16:34

Do you REALLY think the OP's husband was walking along the street and picked up two cinema tickets off the floor, Whistle73? Really?

Where did he say he was on the nights he was out until midnight? Did you ask him?

shoeaddict83 · 25/02/2016 16:35

FFS ask him! You clearly have suspicions as you have stated that yourself.
So what if you dont see it as a date movie - whoever he went with might of! Everyone has different tastes!!! And as i said just becuase YOU dont think either of you know anyone there doesnt mean its true!
Clearly something is playing on your mind so theres more than enough reason to aski why he lied to you about what he did that day - may be a simple explanation but at least youll have the answer.

Original poster
CarsonTheButler · 25/02/2016 16:37

The Housekeeper is 60-ish and her husband does the garden. He drops her off and picks her up every day, he is often in the house waiting for her. I know I am being ridiculous at the moment but even I wouldn't imagine DH and her together.

I have to go back to work now but am just working on my own in the office this afternoon so plenty of time to think. Thanks for replies.

OP posts:
shoeaddict83 · 25/02/2016 16:40

Sorry if i came across a bit twattish there OP - just been through it myself for 7+ years ignoring little signs, then actually forgiving my ex when i found out about woman after woman. only for him to leave me 3 months before our wedding to marry the girl hed been seeing for 2 years unknown to me!! So i would hate anyone else to go through something like that and am a big advocate now of trust and i would never ever put up with een an ounce of mistrust or suspicion in someone again after that.

As i said it may be simple but just put your mind at rest - i lived with uncertainty for so long an it f**ks you up and effects your relationship too especially if it is something innocent.