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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

AIBU to be on the brink of cracking up

275 replies

shrubbery · 22/02/2016 21:16

My partner has issues, which, as you may have read, has been causing problems in our family life.
One of them is buying random drugs on the internet. A rattly package arrived today, so after he got home, opened it and went to have a bath, I checked his bag, (I've had to go to his GP before about stuff he was taking). I found the pills, but also noticed a small metal tin next to them. Inside it was a neatly folded tissue - and he never neatly folds anything. I carefully unfolded it and inside were 3 pubic hairs.
I am sitting here shaking and my palms are sweating. I think it is my flight response kicking in. I just want to run out of here in my pyjamas and never stop running.

OP posts:
GlitteryFluff · 22/02/2016 22:13

Why do you think that the pubes are the teenage neighbours?

Rosyredface · 22/02/2016 22:14

What pills are they? This all sounds seriously worrying.

feckthemall · 22/02/2016 22:15

Shrubbery you need to try and calm yourself down now for a bit.I don't know the back story here but if you think you or your child are in any danger here then you need to get away and fast. Please try and contact someone you know and trust and get away ASAP. The very best of luck to you.

TheCrimsonPleb · 22/02/2016 22:18

If he is threatening you then it's a call to the police that's needed. Non- emergency number. He sounds like an abusive shit to be sure.

Original poster
shrubbery · 22/02/2016 22:20

I've just spoken to my mother.
She says I should just calm down and ignore it until I am in a position to do something about it, i.e. when my new job has started etc.

OP posts:
gunting · 22/02/2016 22:22

It's hard to help when I have no idea wtaf is going on here.

If you feel unsafe with him then leave and get out

Original poster
shrubbery · 22/02/2016 22:23

He's not threatening me crimsonpleb, he was tapping the side of his head with his finger and telling me it was all in my head. He still won't give me any kind of explanation as to why he would carry around a tin of his own pubes.
I hid the tin. I'm very tempted to get a hair dna tested against one of his from his hairbrush. I think a bit of scientific proof is what I need to convince myself that I am not overreacting.

OP posts:
anklebitersmum · 22/02/2016 22:26

Weird pills, random pubes in a tin and violent. Regardless of what is or isn't going on with the teenager next door you need to leave. Now.

Take your DC, get out and don't look back.

Gazelda · 22/02/2016 22:28

when do you start your new job? What difference will that make to your ability to leave him?

BingoBonkers · 22/02/2016 22:29

His behaviour is typical of someone being caught out and switching it back on you being the one with the issue.

thecatfromjapan · 22/02/2016 22:30

No. You don't need any more proof. You're in denial. You're living with someone who isn't safe.

Just the fact thst you're trying to normalise this (I need DNA testing to see if I'm sane) says it all.

You need out. As long as you're still here, you're going to try and normalise a wrong, wrong, wrong situation.

abbsismyhero · 22/02/2016 22:31

ignore your mom she is putting you and your child at risk don't bother with the dna testing your delaying the inevitable if you wait for a new job what's next wait till the kids are older wait till you have saved up wait till the next blue moon? wait till when exactly?

pull yourself together if you ring the police and go on about pubes in a tin they will think you're nuts you do need to leave this is so unhealthy for you and im sorry you're in no position to go to work reacting like this

thecatfromjapan · 22/02/2016 22:32

I have a theory that it takes a society and a family to keep abused women in place. Your mum sounds as though she is a normaliser too.

RubyRoseViolet · 22/02/2016 22:33

People do not routinely wander about with pubes in a tin, you know this op. He sounds extremely odd and unpleasant.

MardyGrave · 22/02/2016 22:33

Love, a pube tin dna test is not what you need right now.

novemberchild · 22/02/2016 22:33

Read some of your other threads, OP.

The animals can be fostered or rehomed. People can help you. Women's Aid can give you information www.wais.org.uk/viewpage.php?page_id=17

This person is displaying what is known as crazymaking behaviour, and he is certainly making you crazy by what I have read here. Imagine the relief when he is out of your life and you no longer need to worry about things like pubic hairs in a tin...

AliceInUnderpants · 22/02/2016 22:37

Why on earth do you think they belong to the teenager next door?

novemberchild · 22/02/2016 22:39

I am also wondering this.

mumofthemonsters808 · 22/02/2016 22:39

I think this is perhaps the most disturbing post I have seen on Mn. I'm particularly alarmed by the mention of the teenage neighbour. However, I'm struggling to understand why you even suspect that they belong to the teenager. Regardless, it sounds a very warped relationship and you sound very vulnerable and desperate.Please take on board some of the suggestions provided.

CooPie10 · 22/02/2016 22:46

Op please ensure you and ds are safe.

SomethingPhishy · 22/02/2016 22:46

Im not aware of your backstory but am concerned why you would think these hairs are from the neighbours son, it seems a huge leap to suspect that & an indication that he is messing with your head. Regardless of who these hairs belong to & why they are in a tin, you need to leave. He sounds throughly unpleasant. Imagine your child had told you this, would you tell them to stay 'for now'?

lorelei9 · 22/02/2016 22:47

I don't know the backstory but if you need to get away, why is your new job linked? Is that you have no money? Can mum or dad help you?

Original poster
shrubbery · 22/02/2016 22:52

As you have all, rightly, been asking "Why on earth do you think they belong to the teenager next door?"
As a brief explanation:
He spends loads of time with the boy next door.
What finally tipped me over the edge about our relationship was when, after 6 years of us never having been anywhere together as a couple, not even for a coffee and then getting just a phone call from him on my birthday - (he was working away from home) - he then booked a whole week off work (still working away) to go away with the boy next door for his birthday.
There's lots more to it than this, but my brain is fried and I need to sleep and reset my brain so that tomorrow I can try and think of a plan that does not jeopardise the chances of my son and I being allowed to stay in the house and also that does not make me look like I am insane.

OP posts:
abbsismyhero · 22/02/2016 22:56

hmm im thinking fuck the house and run

you can go to court at a later date over a house

you need to not jeopardise your son and your mental health

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 22/02/2016 23:01

You won't be able to stay in the house. Your partner has already told you he isn't going to leave and there's no law that says he has too.

You and your son need to leave now though Sad.

The most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she makes steps to leave or has just left the relationship.