AIBU to be on the brink of cracking up

[shrubbery]

My partner has issues, which, as you may have read, has been causing problems in our family life.
One of them is buying random drugs on the internet. A rattly package arrived today, so after he got home, opened it and went to have a bath, I checked his bag, (I've had to go to his GP before about stuff he was taking). I found the pills, but also noticed a small metal tin next to them. Inside it was a neatly folded tissue - and he never neatly folds anything. I carefully unfolded it and inside were 3 pubic hairs.
I am sitting here shaking and my palms are sweating. I think it is my flight response kicking in. I just want to run out of here in my pyjamas and never stop running.

I suspect the grooming started well before 17 though. Predators like this are prepared to wait a long time for their intended target.

OP, anyway you could keep one, horrid as it sounds? Might be useful for any DNA otherwise he'll just get rid of any evidence if he thinks you suspect anything. I guess it's a bit late for that though?
Poor you, (hugs)

He works away...

So you have no clue what he is doing or where he is for a large amount of time.

Look, you don't need to unravel his web, or produce evidence to make him "own up". Your sole responsibility here is keeping your son safe. Right now he is not safe. He is living with a very very troubled man.

You are worried about the impact that moving will have on your son, but the thing that should be worrying you more is the impact of staying.

You need to get out and get you and your son to a place of safety. Once you are out you can then access legal advice regarding the house. Also, once you are safely away you can call the police and tell them your concerns. Nothing about tins...but the concerns you have about the secrecy surrounding the laptops, his drug buying etc etc.

As for the boy next door, living with his mum is no guarantee of safety. Children are groomed and abused in their bedrooms all the time over the internet. This often spills over into real life, and the parents can be ignorant of it until it goes beyond crisis point.

Hope you pop back in OP and let us know you are OK.
FWIW I left with nothing but my 3 kids and Peugeot 206 about 4 months ago and I was in a very unpleasant situation (nothing sexual though)
I'd thought about it for so long, I eventually took the courage to plunge.
It's hard but there is help if you want it.
Material worth is nothing when your mental health is at stake.
You can rebuild that.
If you are ready, don't tell him, just act normally, start getting things together, hide stuff, make plans, borrow money, help from family if you can and if not working help from benefits.

For some reason, I'm thinking, if it was me, I'd hide/keep the drugs and the pubes in the tin. But that's just me.

However, OP it is clear that he is making you feel crazy and confused so hugs and and concentrate on looking after yourself and your son. I agree you do not need to stay in the house. You can take yourself off to your family for some support.

I imagine that away from the situation you will begin to think clearly again.

Trying to make sense of this is kind of pointless. God knows what the pube pot is about, but the very fact you have these horrible suspicions means your relationship has gone dreadfully wrong.

OP, Things can't go on like this? Would you want them to? If the answer is surely no then you need to clear your mind, pull at any rational string you can and go with it. Ask yourself what the ideal outcome for you and your DS would be? Only you can know that..and it's only you that can ask for the help you need to achieve it. I can only imagine how daunting it must be but surely the current situation is worse? You seem to be an intelligent woman but one that has been bullied and trampled on for a while now. Don't let your DS think this is the norm. When your DH works away put things in place. Keep a clear head.
I agree with all above who say you need to leave now. Can you not even fake a phone call saying you have to help out sick parents? Just to give you time to think away from him. Discreetly speak to the school and explain you need time away.
I would be seriously worried about the drugs/pubes/hidden or locked devices/missing bedding. Seriously alarming. Just what if he was up to something untoward with the neighbours boy? How would you feel if the boy came to you 10 years from now and asked why you did nothing to help him? when you had suspicions all along.

Stay strong OP

OP I would also suggest maybe seeing a GPS. You sound very vulnerable and confused and maybe you could get help and support. Agree that you need to leave asap.

I think you should get some help. Concentrate on getting yourself into a good place for your sons sake. Forget your partner because whether you're imagining things or not this relationships not conducive to a happy home life for any of you.

Go and stay with your dad and maybe think about long term plans.

He's 17 'now'? WTF does that mean? If your partner has been having what sounds like quite an inappropriate relationship with him for some time then I'm appalled no-one has done anything about it yet.

Yes it might sound a bit mad to barge into a police station focusing on pubes in a tin, but if you approach the police and explain the whole situation in detail I'm pretty sure they'll be as disturbed as everyone on here. This mess really needs looking into properly.

OP I hope you phone WA this morning. Even if you can't speak with the person you spoke to before, you need some urgent support in focussing your priorities. Forget the house for the time being, your DS's and your safety is far more important and at more urgent risk.
Tell WA everything. The drugs, the pubes, the boy next door, the trips, the laptops... everything.
Your immediate priority is to get the two of you safe. Then its to make sure the boy next door is safe. Then its to start building your future.

Please call WA this morning, if it's the only thing you do. Update them on your situation. You really aren't safe there with him and nor is your son.

Either he is one seriously fucked up individual or I am completely and utterly insane with the world's greatest, or possibly worst, imagination.

He's gaslighting you. I had a look at your other threads. He's financially and emotionally abusive and he is aggressive with the dogs. That's a lot of red flags. You also talk about the house saying that it's important to you as a permanent base because you moved around a lot as a child. I understand that but I do think it's a red herring. It's not really a safe space with this man in it. You need to let go of it and see that you could have another home in the future where you can settle with your son and without this abusive idiot in tow. I know it's easier said than done, one step at a time and all that. First step should be WA and maybe counselling.

Speaking as somebody who deals with a lot of safeguarding issues -
A 17 year old is vulnerable and in child safeguarding is a child.

This SHOULD be referred to social services at the very least.

This is all so worrying.

I think what you should do is to go to a police station and tell them that you need to talk to someone. Tell them everything. Take the drugs and the pubes. Tell them that you cannot make head or tail, but need their advice on the situation and the boy next door who may or may not have been abused by your partner.

They are more qualified to take the whole thing and do something with it.

Stop thinking that it is in your head. That's typical for abusers to say.

The police won't think you're nuts telling them about the pubes if you tell them in the context of everything else.

I haven't seen your previous threads but you need to talk to the police. Drugs, missing bedding and potential sex with a child? Come on op, you know what you need to do.

I think OP in is a vulnerable position herself. From her other post her OP is not a very nice person. I think she should take someone with her if at all possible and find someone to confide in. She is clearly shaken up and not in a right state of mind.
I know for some, it might seem an easy thing to do but when in this state, going to the police can be frightening and very daunting. I've had a fantastic experience before btw op and officers I've spoken to have been kind and sympathetic, I just mean taking that step if you've never dealt with it before can seem huge.
I personally think she needs to get out first and communicate from a distance.

I've rung Women's Aid and I'm waiting for them to call me back.
My son is at school and totally unaware that anything is amiss.

I found the missing bedding. It had been washed and put away in a storage container on top of a wardrobe. No idea why he put it there or why he couldn't remember he had, but it is one less worry to deal with.

I don't know if things with the boy next door are genuinely innocent. His mother is fully aware of the time they spend together and is totally unconcerned.

I cannot involve social services or the police in what is pure speculation.

I do not know whose pubes were in the tin. I suggested the boy next door because I didn't know of anyone else that he had been away with, but as people have pointed out, he works away a lot, often for a whole week at a time. He did so for a year and a half recently and we only saw him at weekends. Who knows what he gets up to or who he sees. I am often unable to contact him for days on end.
The pubes could be anyones.
He claims they are his, but I cannot think of a reason why he would keep them like that and he says he does not know.

Sorry, didn't mean to post twice.

Shrubbery, how are you this morning?
Are you at home?
I hope & pray you are all safe

I cannot involve social services or the police in what is pure speculation.

You can go to the police with concerns about a minor. You can take the drugs and the pube tin into them, and say what you've said here.

What you have said here has caused posters to be concerned and disturbed - I'm pretty sure the police will feel the same. Then it's out of your hands - what they do/don't do is no longer something for you to worry about.