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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

AIBU to be on the brink of cracking up

275 replies

shrubbery · 22/02/2016 21:16

My partner has issues, which, as you may have read, has been causing problems in our family life.
One of them is buying random drugs on the internet. A rattly package arrived today, so after he got home, opened it and went to have a bath, I checked his bag, (I've had to go to his GP before about stuff he was taking). I found the pills, but also noticed a small metal tin next to them. Inside it was a neatly folded tissue - and he never neatly folds anything. I carefully unfolded it and inside were 3 pubic hairs.
I am sitting here shaking and my palms are sweating. I think it is my flight response kicking in. I just want to run out of here in my pyjamas and never stop running.

OP posts:
Agadooo · 22/02/2016 21:41

WHAT????? Why do you think that?

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 22/02/2016 21:42

Would it be safe to ask him now? Might it be better to call someone first?

Original poster
shrubbery · 22/02/2016 21:44

I just asked him whose they were and they said they were his own. I asked him why he would keep them like that. He said "I don't know, why don't you tell me. What the fuck is wrong with you and why do I have to put up with this drama".

OP posts:
Gazelda · 22/02/2016 21:45

If it were me, I'd wrap DS up, bundle him into the car and drive to your relative's.
Then get legal advise tomorrow morning and take steps to end your relationship.

ImperialBlether · 22/02/2016 21:46

That's exactly what I would do, too, Gazelda.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 22/02/2016 21:48

Call your mum please, or a friend.

twirlypoo · 22/02/2016 21:49

Look , I don't know any of the back story but you guys clearly need some space while you figure this out safely. Can you goto a relatives tonight with your dc? Or get a relative / friend to come to you and he goes?

Why do you think they are the teenage boys pubes and not
Your husbands?

wannabestressfree · 22/02/2016 21:49

And me...

VoldysGoneMouldy · 22/02/2016 21:49

Is he working tomorrow? If so, pack and bag once he leaves and get out.

Whoever those hairs belong to, you can't keep a child in a situation where he is ordering and taking random pills.

slebmum1 · 22/02/2016 21:49

Is vent read your other posts but that sounds seriously fucked up. How old is the teenage boy?

thecatfromjapan · 22/02/2016 21:49

. So asking him took you nowhere.
You are not in a safe relationship. Nor is your child.
I think you've been slowly traumatised to the point that you don't realise how far from OK this is.
Honestly, even a week away from your husband will do your mental health a world of good. I think it would help you to find what you need to get out of this.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 22/02/2016 21:50

OP presumably you've seen his pubes and you didn't think they were his. Trust your instincts - and the evidence of how he's behaved before - and get out of this relationship. You don't deserve the abuse he dishes out, you're worth more than that.
Leave, and you'll find everything falls into place easier than you think it will.

user7755 · 22/02/2016 21:52

I think there is a back story here which I don't know about but it doesn't sound like a good place for you or your little one.

His reaction is very odd - does he have mental health issues?

Original poster
shrubbery · 22/02/2016 21:54

He says it is all in my head and that I am making it up because I always think the worst of him. He says he doesn't know why he has what are apparently his own pubes wrapped in a tissue in a tin in his bag.

I can't get hold of my dad and my mother is abroad.
I'm just sitting here shaking and I don't know what to do.
I don't dare talk to the neighbour incase it isn't true.

OP posts:
user7755 · 22/02/2016 21:55

In case what isn't true shrubbery? What made you think they belonged to the boy next door?

Gazelda · 22/02/2016 21:56

Don't talk to the neighbour unless you have a very good reason to suspect they might be the teen's.
Just get out. There is no other advise anyone can give.

Sadusername · 22/02/2016 21:57

His defence is to be on the offence and make you feel unreasonable and 'mad'. He is playing mind games.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 22/02/2016 21:58

You don't have to talk to a neighbour, lovely. Is your mum completely uncontactable though? Or is there a friend you can call?

ohtheholidays · 22/02/2016 22:00

How old is the teenager OP?Can you get away to your Dad's?or can you ask him to go and buy something from the shop that you need and lock all the doors and windows once he's gone so he can't get back in?and if you know he'll come back and kick of ring the Police as soon as he's out of the house,tell them about the drugs and tell them your scared,they won't let him back in the house with you and your son.

SuckingEggs · 22/02/2016 22:01

How old is the boy?

Why did you think they were his?!

MyKingdomForBrie · 22/02/2016 22:02

If you think something has happened es between him and a teenage boy under the age of consent you can call the police OP.

I honestly would just grab your ds and go. Anywhere is better than with him.

ScarlettDarling · 22/02/2016 22:04

Op, this is all very, very odd.

Why would you have jumped to the assumption that these hairs belonged to your young neighbour?

Ginkypig · 22/02/2016 22:06

Sweetheart it sounds like there are reasons that you've not told us as why you think this.

Would it help to tell us? We might be able to help you untangle things a bit?

Don't let him bully you!

Flowers for you. You sound in shock I hope you manage to get hold of someone in rl but until then lots of people on here!

abbsismyhero · 22/02/2016 22:09

no home is worth this give it up and leg it

ohtheholidays · 22/02/2016 22:11

I've read some of your other threads OP,you really need to get him out of the house!I know you can't leave him there because of the fear of what he'd do to all the poor animals and the fear that he'd wreck the house.You need to get him out and you need him out know his behaviour is not normal!