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Original poster

Contacted by someone claiming to be DH OW

424 replies

Glitterunicorn · 21/02/2016 09:50

A woman has been contacting me over the last month on Facebook messenger telling me how my husband has been cheating me.

Everytime I have received the messages I seem to get immediately blocked or the profile gets deleted so I can't message back. I thought it was just someone messing about.

She has been really quite vague but I have managed to message this person this morning and get a response. She has sent a copied and pasted version of Facebook messages from my husband to her. It seems that he has been chasing her to meet up.

My husband is at work until this afternoon so I will speak to him when he comes back.
I wanted screen shots but she won't send them to me. Should I confront my husband without proper proof?

My husband does work away and the messages do correspond with when he was away last before Xmas.

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 21/02/2016 11:55

It's a weird thing to do, but then some people do weird things.

Without more evidence, I would put it in the 'weird' box, but I am perplexed as to why you wouldn't mention it to him. I had a dodgy text off my friend's ex-husband the other day, first thing I did was tell DH.

Akire · 21/02/2016 11:59

It is odd either the OW is doing her best for woman kind and telling you the truth about your husband in which case in for a penny in for a pound- why didn't she send prof?

If you go to the trouble to make contact then might as well go full detailed. That wouldn't stack up for me, sounds like causing trouble. Unless you have other reasons to doubt him.

AnnieOnnieMouse · 21/02/2016 12:04

It could well be someone who has tried it on with him, been rebuffed, and is trying to destroy your marriage. She could easily have copied a fb pic of him, and created a fake second profile for HIM, using it to send fake messages to herself, so she can show them to you as 'evidence'.
Go easy. If he is cheating, then it may all come out in good time, and wreck your trust in him. If she is being malicious, then believing her, rather than an innocent dh, could also wreck things from his point of view.
Someone once told me, with great glee, that they'd seen dh's car parked in someone's drive one particular day, 'proving' he was having an affair with her. I'd borrowed his car that day.
www.scaredofsomeone.org/
may have some useful links.

LongHardStare · 21/02/2016 12:10

If the suggestion is that he has sent text messages to her via phone rather than facebook, can she tell you DH's mobile number?

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2016 12:12

OP, do you trust your DH?

Has he ever given you a reason not to trust him?

I hate to keep harping on about it, but I do think it's really weird that this woman has been contacting you "over the last month". Yet you haven't mentioned it to your DH at all.

I don't believe he's having an affair with this woman because otherwise she'd just provide screen shots, instead of being so vague.

Which is another reason why I think it's strange that you didn't show him the messages, she's been sending you.

bloodyteenagers · 21/02/2016 12:14

message her back - look stop pissing about and give me concrete proof or fuck off and
Go and bother someone else.

As for the fb stuff. Mine looks fake. If you aren't friends with me it looks like I have no friends, a few profile pics (I keep generic ones open.), no pictures (private) and I haven't posted for several years, when in reality I posted something not long ago. Oh and I have two accounts one uses a nick name so even more fake looking. One doesn't even appear in searches as its really private - so no blocking required.

Trickydecision · 21/02/2016 12:14

Thank youGhost and Needa, I had no idea you could do that.

BertrandRussell · 21/02/2016 12:14

Why didn't you mention it to him the first time you got a message? Isn't that what most people would do?

Yseulte · 21/02/2016 12:21

It could well be someone who has tried it on with him, been rebuffed, and is trying to destroy your marriage

Yes, that happens a lot. Particularly to men who have been caught cheating and have come up with a story fast. Hmm

Yseulte · 21/02/2016 12:22

What is the dynamic in this relationship that you didn't raise it with DH straight away?

eatyouwithaspoon · 21/02/2016 12:25

My fb would look false most of the time, it sys I work and live in a place that I dont (mainly because of the work I do I dont want people to look me up) and its all private so you would see changes of profile photos occasionally and thats it.
Its not good people trying to second guess if its a real profile or not; message her and ask for some real proof or tell her to fuck off.

I would have mentioned to DH too the 1st time. If you dont ask him now its going to play on your mind - speak to him when he gets home and show him the messages - see what hes got to say rather than having the doubt niggling at you.

Original poster
Glitterunicorn · 21/02/2016 12:33

I have used someone's idea up above and said prove it send screen shots and tell me his mobile number and she has replied and said she can't sent screen shots as her phone can't do that. And she can't / won't give me his mobile number.

I'm not going to snoop into his Facebook page as if it was reversed I would hope he would speak to me rather than snoop so I am going to speak to him when he gets back.

OP posts:
Nona79 · 21/02/2016 12:37

As an aside, if her phone won't send screenshots then the messages won't go on to the iPad as you mentioned earlier because only iMessages do.

I'd usually say that if there's a chance he's cheating then he's cheating but this is odd. Very odd. I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

Also, I wouldn't tell him either because I wouldn't want to accuse him without proof something was going on and any way you ask him about this will look like you are accusing.

BetteDavispies · 21/02/2016 12:38

Sounds fake if she can't provide his mobile number. Hope you get to the bottom of this.

ClarenceTheLion · 21/02/2016 12:45

The FB profile - mine probably looks a lot like hers. I rarely upload new pics, and the people I have as friends don't bother much with FB either. They're stagnant accounts really. But I do message one friend through it. I wouldn't try to analyze her account. Loads of people just aren't really into FB. But it would be useful for tracking someone down...

On the other hand you say you have nothing conclusive to tell your DH about. It would be incredibly easy for him to dismiss what you tell him, and he could be right to. Genuinely innocent people probably act in a similar fashion to serial cheats! Do her times and dates match up?

In your shoes, I'd message her again when possible and tell her you can't confront your OH without proof. I'd say, either provide proof, or don't bother me again.

TeaStory · 21/02/2016 12:45

As an aside, if her phone won't send screenshots then the messages won't go on to the iPad as you mentioned earlier because only iMessages do.

ClarenceTheLion · 21/02/2016 12:46

She might not be able to screenshot, but I'm sure she could get a photo of her screen and send that if she wanted to.

Original poster
Glitterunicorn · 21/02/2016 12:52

The iPad messages thing isn't correct as the DC doesn't have a iPhone and the text messages not iMessages are on his iPad. I believe every message he gets sent is on there as most of his mates have samsungs and all there messages are on there.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 21/02/2016 12:56

I think just casually tell your dh, maybe whilst chopping the veg, that you have been contacted by someone about him. Then silence. Watch his reaction.

SoThatHappened · 21/02/2016 12:59

Thing is...I've done this. Contacted someone to tell her her new bf had overlapped her with me and was still shagging me for the first two months they were together without me being the wiser.

I got a mouthful from her and told to fuck off.

I hope she remembers when she catches her bf cheating the next time (and he will cheat on her again as he already has) that I told her.

maybe you will remember too when you find out for real.

How people are there out there that are THAT mentally unstable to do such a thing. Not many.

blueshoes · 21/02/2016 13:01

wow, sothat, you sound unpleasant. I think you should focus your energies on your cheating ex. She was in her rights to tell you to f... off. After all, you could equally have been a stirrer. Did you expect her to be grateful for your call?

goodnightdarthvader1 · 21/02/2016 13:03

So you wouldn't want to knows if your bf was cheating on you, blueshoes?

MadamDeathstare · 21/02/2016 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoThatHappened · 21/02/2016 13:10

EXACTLY!

I would want to know my bf was cheating on me.

I had no idea about her and if she didnt want to know then on her own head be it.

eatyouwithaspoon · 21/02/2016 13:11

It sounds very odd that she wont provide his mobile number or any other proof - did she give a reason why not?