Contacted by someone claiming to be DH OW

[Glitterunicorn]

A woman has been contacting me over the last month on Facebook messenger telling me how my husband has been cheating me.

Everytime I have received the messages I seem to get immediately blocked or the profile gets deleted so I can't message back. I thought it was just someone messing about.

She has been really quite vague but I have managed to message this person this morning and get a response. She has sent a copied and pasted version of Facebook messages from my husband to her. It seems that he has been chasing her to meet up.

My husband is at work until this afternoon so I will speak to him when he comes back.
I wanted screen shots but she won't send them to me. Should I confront my husband without proper proof?

My husband does work away and the messages do correspond with when he was away last before Xmas.

Also OP has mentioned that the profile pic changes but always old photos, right? If new photos had been uploaded then chances are the profile pic would be new too.

By all means keep an open mind, OP, but this stinks of catfish to me.

Two facebook 'accounts' that should read

The name looks like a first and middle name rather than a surname

this is a common tactic used by many of my colleagues (we are teachers) to attempt to remain unsearchable to students. It may suggest she is in some kind of job where remaining anonymous to service users/clients is important to her.

It may equally suggest 'scam' of some kind.

When my ex left me, I knew he had been having an affair. He denied it and I struggled to actually believe it but I had known something was 'off' for months. What is your gut telling you? Listen to your gut, the deepest voice within you, not your head which will look for logical explanations or your heart which will be in denial.

I would message this woman and tell her to shit or get off the pot. Either she stops dicking around and gives you concrete proof or she fucks off and does not ever contact you again. I couldn't be doing with all that cryptic shite.

Meanwhile, start digging. Look through phone bills/statements/receipts/his skype and emails etc if you can.

Use your phone to photograph the messages she sends you or screenshot on your laptop.

You would make a rubbish detective darryl if this were real life.

Why don't you screenshot the messages?

I'd ask DH if he knows her, show him the screenshots and see how he reacts. Can't call it one way or the other at the mo.

Gut says no foul play. I'm scrolling through his texts on his iPad it makes hard reading as it displays numbers and no names but my gut says if he were up to no good would he not turn off his messages on his iPad.

Never looked at his messages before.

Will see if this brings up anything them will try and get into his Facebook page

I tend to think these things generally are true, but he profile actually sounds very dodgy.

Have you done no digging over the last month?

As yet, I would say nothing to your DH. It may not be true and, if it is, you will never get the truth from him based on what you have at the minute.

Did the messages she copied 'sound' like him?
Has he been behaving oddly at all?

If you tell her you don't believe her without screenshots, what does she say?

Can you check his phone, email, FB etc?

Sorry x posted with you OP.

Needascarf, those are good ideas.

OP, I'm puzzled.

If she's been contacting you over the last month, why are you only thinking about confronting your DH about it now?

Surely, after the very first message you would have asked him about it?

Couldn't you screen shot the FB messages she copied and pasted to you?

Could someone explain please how you do 'reverse images'?

I would tell her I didn't believe her as she didn't look genuine enough. I would say either give me some proof or forget it. I don't think she has messages to screen shot, I think she's making it all up and I would tell her so.

His ipad will not show messages that he's deleted unless it's not synced (and if it's getting new messages, it is synced). So youd need to have his ipad to see the message between it arriving and it being deleted on the iPhone. That presumes he's using I message, too, not WhatsApp or an alternative.

Link here:

support.google.com/websearch/answer/1325808?hl=en

That took me ages to type, sorry OP.

If your gut says he's not cheating, I'd go with that. Although your comment earlier about him being away suggests otherwise so make sure you're being honest with yourself!

I hope it is fake, but if it's not, I think I'd rather know. Good luck.

Again, is it the same person who messages you each time because you said this has happened loads of times and then you have been blocked?

Just trying to get a true picture here.

I'd wonder if it's some nutter who's seen or met your DH and wants to stalk him somehow (stranger things have happened) as opposed to an affair.

I am kind of wondering what sort of person you'd be to shout "affair" to the wife of the man you're the OW to. I'd have to have lots of balls and be prepared for revenge or for it all to come to a head if I were OW.

Do some digging be a hundred percent certain he isn't up to anything before you show him otherwise he will cover his tracks. It could be a troll but equally it could be a woman he's slept with and ignored.

Talking to him directly will provide the best evidence you ever need. In the first five seconds you may see all the foot shuffles, the glances away, the panic in the eyes you will ever need to know whether these messages are part of a bigger picture. Just look at him when you share these messages with him.

There are an infinite number of coincidences and this person may or may not know your OH was away before Xmas. Equally, this person may not be a she but may be a he, or may be just a machine. Their motives are pure speculation and could be to cause harm in a number of ways and for reasons of which you both may not be aware.

Those first few seconds will tell you a lot but be open and do not assume the worst.

It's the same person each time but it has been one line messages.

Your husbands been cheating on you ect.

On my messages it shows her profile pic but I couldn't click on her profile until this morn.

I didn't take it seriously and didn't speak to him as it seemed like silly schoolgirl stuff and I couldn't see her profile or message back so had no real reason to believe her.

The messages between them are very short sentences. My DH isn't a massive talker over messages so it could possibly be. There is a lot of use of xx and that is not like him, well not to me anyway.

I know this sounds very suspicious but next time he's away (if you can do it) I'd almost want to follow him to confront if necessary. You could always (perhaps) turn into surprise visit eg you missed him wanted to meet for lunch/dinner etc if that sounds convincing. Arrange childcare separately etc if you have DC.