Contacted by someone claiming to be DH OW

[Glitterunicorn]

A woman has been contacting me over the last month on Facebook messenger telling me how my husband has been cheating me.

Everytime I have received the messages I seem to get immediately blocked or the profile gets deleted so I can't message back. I thought it was just someone messing about.

She has been really quite vague but I have managed to message this person this morning and get a response. She has sent a copied and pasted version of Facebook messages from my husband to her. It seems that he has been chasing her to meet up.

My husband is at work until this afternoon so I will speak to him when he comes back.
I wanted screen shots but she won't send them to me. Should I confront my husband without proper proof?

My husband does work away and the messages do correspond with when he was away last before Xmas.

The way you refer to her as 'silly schoolgirl stuff'

Suggests to me you are older and the OW is younger?
Just trying to build picture.

Yeah but surely even if you didn't take it seriously, it's a weird enough thing for you to say, "Blimey DH, come and look at this. How weird"?

Or maybe that's just me.

I would message her "I don't believe you. I want screenshots or it didn't happen. Your next message to me needs to be screenshots or I don't want to hear from you again".

If there are messages between them, I think you really need to ask him who she is and what the messages are.

It all seems very odd OP

Okay, got to get off mumsnet now but I am going to finish up with this: there are a lot of discrepancies here which could be explained in various ways to account for an affair... Refusal to send screenshot of messages, old photos, vagueness, etc etc

BUT if you go the other way and assume there is no affair, all these discrepancies share the exact same explanation: it is a deliberate malicious catfish hoax, which someone has put time and effort into.

Occam's razor, innit?

Thank you. She is very persistent then?

If you find yourself blocked you can PM her name to me if you want to and I will look on her profile. I have become quite adept at sussing out fake profiles due to some situations I have encountered on FB.

I would tell him about it tbh, if someone was doing that to me I would want to know. I have learned that it is a very good idea to tell a few people when I get dodgy messages.

Offer to go with him on his next business trip.
Lots of wives do. They make use of the hotel's facilities while OH goes to meetings etc

Spring it on him a few days before he's due to go (so it's too late for him to change anything)

His reaction, or lack of, will tell you everything you need to know.

Well he's either got another profile ?? As you mentioned that his FB page makes it clear he's attached with commitments

Sounds strange to me

Yes I agree with others, you do need more from this potential OW. If she's unwilling or unable to provide more proof then I wouldn't say it's definitive that DH is innocent but it's certainly on that path.

How is DH with his phone in general? Has he become more guarded with it in recent months?

Why would she not just provide proper proof if she wants to tell you and it's true. Sounds like a shit stirrer to me.

you need to think 'what exactly does she want or hope to achieve from this '

you say there are messages between them ? do you mean onhis ipad..?

if there is , i would err on side that something has happened and she is trying to either force his hand or is trying to get revenge for being dumped.

OW that do this , are usually trying to get the man to leave for them, which rarely works, people have to want to leave for themselves, not be forced into it.

originally i thought this sounded so odd as to be a hoax but if there are other messages , then he obviously does know her and that adds weight to theory somethign has gone on. sorry

Sounds like a scam or someone who wishes she was having an affair with him!
Especially as you said 'his' messages have kisses but that's not usually his style.
I agree that I would ask for some specific email or else get lost.
Hope it's all ok op

I dunno, I think if she was really a OW who was trying to enlighten the wife, surely she'd be saying - "He was with me at this date and this time and this place. He told me [private information] about himself/you/your marriage. Here are screenshots of obviously dodgy messages."

If she can't provide such detail, and you have had no previous suspicions, I'd think it was a shit-stirrer (maybe your DH turned her down...).

email?????
I meant info
Doh

X-post Brie

I would be inclined to call her bluff.

Reply - I don't believe you. If you expect me to believe you provide evidence or go away.

I had the excruciatingly awkward pleasure of seeing something similar to this played out on FB recently.

A friend of a friend had got into a FB messaging thing with a 'girl' from Eastern Europe, which had progressed to sex talk and pictures. She'd then threatened to send said pictures and messages to his friends list unless he sent her money.

He actually decided to get in their first and warn everybody that she may be sending stuff their way, he shared her name and her profile picture. You could tell he was mortified, but angry as well. He was a widower though, so no spouse to have to confess to.

Not saying for a moment that anything like this has happened here, of course.

My Facebook profile would look fake if someone looked at it who was not a friend. I never had my picture as profile picture, always remove old Facebook profile pictures/make them back to private and don't have huge amounts if friends, very few in fact. It's also common to have no surname/second profile. So it looks like I never post anything.

Also messages to his iPhone would only appear on his iPad if she had an iPhone. If she is texting from say a Samsung/Nokia/htc etc, they will only appear on phone

I have been away with him for work in the past and have been invited. No secrecy over phone, ever he uses same passcode as me and let's me use it when I want.

The messages are not screen shots She has just copied and pasted with names and dates on.

Even if she is a bunny boiler who had a brief fling with him, which he then tried to end, it still means he plays away. (Possibly every time he goes away)
Only this time it's turned nasty and he's in danger of being discovered.

How would

What do the messages say?

Are these messages she claims have gone between them? Am I right in thinking you cannot find any on his ipad?

Oops posted too soon.
Meant to say, how would you feel if it were true?

I had a weird friend request over the christmas period. A girl purporting to be a college student in US. All really steamy pics (god knows what she was studying - lap dancing maybe?). I clicked on accept by mistake. Her profile was very similar to what you're describing. Unfriended her straight away. DH doesn't have a facebook so this cant happen to us at least- and he never goes away either.

I have to say Op, if I received this in the way you've described, I wouldn't believe it at all & think it was either a scam or malicious. I'd also tell my husband.