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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Contacted by someone claiming to be DH OW

424 replies

Glitterunicorn · 21/02/2016 09:50

A woman has been contacting me over the last month on Facebook messenger telling me how my husband has been cheating me.

Everytime I have received the messages I seem to get immediately blocked or the profile gets deleted so I can't message back. I thought it was just someone messing about.

She has been really quite vague but I have managed to message this person this morning and get a response. She has sent a copied and pasted version of Facebook messages from my husband to her. It seems that he has been chasing her to meet up.

My husband is at work until this afternoon so I will speak to him when he comes back.
I wanted screen shots but she won't send them to me. Should I confront my husband without proper proof?

My husband does work away and the messages do correspond with when he was away last before Xmas.

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 22/02/2016 10:19

I wouldn't believe a random woman contacting you this way over my DH, unless you don't trust him.

pocketsaviour · 22/02/2016 10:23

I've also woken up to a few messages from the troll from the middle of the night and she has provided me with my DH mobile number.

Sounds like it's definitely someone from work then, unless his mobile would be published on LinkedIn or similar?

FYI to those saying "it can't be a fake account, it's X years old" - it's very easy and cheap to buy "aged" Facebook accounts. They are mainly used by spammers.

GabiSolis · 22/02/2016 10:26

Could she have got his mobile number from Facebook? Otherwise to me what this says is that it's someone he knows, which is what you suspected anyway.

icanteven · 22/02/2016 10:31

I think if "she" knows the OP's DH's number, it could easily be from work.

Obv. yes, she could be shagging both men, but infidelity shouldn't always be the default assumption.

fohamy12 · 22/02/2016 10:32

Hmmmm, curiouser and curiouser!

Original poster
Glitterunicorn · 22/02/2016 10:32

It's completely plausable that she does know them both yes.

I am still thinking its someone from work.

He said he would speak to his boss.

I've got the day off so I'm going to see if they want to engage with me

OP posts:
magpie17 · 22/02/2016 10:34

Ive just read the full thread. What would bother me about this is that DHs friend has supposedly had a lot of trouble at the hands of this 'troll' and yet is still friends with her on Facebook? Why?

I would be inclined to believe DH, mainly because it's so far fetched that surely if him and his friend were covering for an affair it would have been easier just to say he didn't know her and she must be a nutter. The whole 'friend knowing her on FB, lets phone the friend, oh what a coincidence she has been messaging his partner too' thing seems much more convoluted that it needs to be. Some might argue that all the extra detail makes it less believable though...

goodnightdarthvader1 · 22/02/2016 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 22/02/2016 10:38

Oops, you said "DHs friend", apologies.

Lockheart · 22/02/2016 10:48

I don't have much advice, but I had an experience where a colleague at my old place of work started receiving hand-delivered letters to the office saying her husband was cheating on her. Knew lots of details about them as a couple etc, seemed plausible. My colleague was understandably distraught.

However, it eventually emerged that her husband couldn't have been cheating on her (he was military, so his boss always knew where he was), and after a couple of weeks we caught the person delivering these letters in the act. Our postbox was a very long way from the building where we worked, but we installed a small camera. It turned out to be an ex-friend of hers who had also applied for this job but had been unsuccessful, and had obviously gone off the deep end.

I know it's a slightly different situation, but please don't write off the possibility it could be cruel hoax just yet. Is there anyone who might have a grudge against you or your husband?

Buzzardbird · 22/02/2016 10:53

I still say work colleague. I hope I'm right for your sake.

Sallystyle · 22/02/2016 10:59

He could have gone to the pub, had a drunken one night stand with her and when she messaged him pretended he didn't know her.

She could be a crazy stalker.

Your dh and friend could both be involved with her in some way and spinning the same line to you and your DH's friend's wife.

I don't understand how anyone can say with certainty she is a troll or that he is cheating but I would be keeping my eyes wide open that's for sure.

Well I can't speak for everyone but if my DP didn't trust me then what's the point?

You would be very naive to trust your partner without questioning it if you got a message like this. I trust my husband but the minute I get messages saying he is cheating on me I'm not going to lie down and not look into it further. Most people deny cheating, most people are trustworthy until they aren't and I'm not going to be a person who had warning signs and ignored them just so I can claim I trust my husband.

merseyside · 22/02/2016 10:59

I can't for the life of me see what the DH is supposed to have done wrong here.

It sounds like a troll and the best thing to do is ignore the whole thing and move on.

However I don't doubt that there'll be 1000 MN Relationship board conspiracy theorists to ensure this one runs and runs..... Hmm

WonderingAspie · 22/02/2016 11:08

Person could be a stalker. Convenient how the mobile number wasn't provided when asked but come up with later, after the profile disappeared again. I'm sure there are ways of finding it out, particularly if it is someone in your DH's work.

I know many women here always like to think the man is in the wrong despite shakey 'evidence'. I'd be far more inclined to believe your DH rather than some stranger, who's identity you can't verify, keeps deleting their profile, cannot come up with anything concrete and someone else has had the same experience.

But it's okay, I'm sure it's more likely to be the man cheating and coming up with alibi's involving his workmate and workmates girlfriend than someone fucking around, probably for a laugh. Hmm

theelephantknownasnell · 22/02/2016 11:11

This sounds untrue to me.

She wouldn't give you your dh mobile number, then later sends you it presumably as proof but why the delay in sending it. It sounds like she/he waited to be able to get access to the number from work file or anywhere else they keeps info on customers/service users.

timeKeepingOnMars · 22/02/2016 11:17

Convenient how the mobile number wasn't provided when asked but come up with later, after the profile disappeared again. I'm sure there are ways of finding it out, particularly if it is someone in your DH's work.

I was thinking this - like they had to go off and do a lot of work to find it.

I suspect given away from home times - it's someone at work or connected to someone at work or possible people they've come across while working away - people at different companies same field or some one the interact with.

I do understand people cheat and then they lie and some have very elaborate lies - but many men don't cheat at all. I think I'd behave as Op DH has if I was innocent - trying to figure out what is going and very possibly not wanting to think someone I know like from work would be so nasty.

I think it's a troll and the upset and suspicion is what they are after.

HollyJollyDillydolly · 22/02/2016 11:27

Hmm is dhs mobile number Google able? Maybe shes found it online via a work website or similar.

ghostoftheMNchicken · 22/02/2016 11:28

Frankly, at this point I'd be calling 101 and reporting this to the police, as well as not engaging any further.

ForwardAll · 22/02/2016 11:30

At my work we have Outlook Express and a global address book with everyone's emails and desk/mobile phone numbers in.

I would bet my next paycheck it's a disgruntled colleague either male or female.

lifesalongsong · 22/02/2016 11:36

Maybe I've missed it but is the mobile number for a phone provided by your DHs work or his own personal number?

It maybe someone who does know your DH in some context and knows enough of his friends to be able to blag his personal number on some kind of pretext. If she had the number all along there would be no reason not to have provided it the first time you asked.

flamingtoaster · 22/02/2016 11:41

Do not assume your DH is guilty. A friend of mine had a "stalker" for want of a better word set up a fake Facebook account for her DH and then created message streams between them obviously chatting about the affair they were having.

Ginkypig · 22/02/2016 11:42

Is this not a form of stalking?

Once hmmm but twice.

flamingtoaster · 22/02/2016 11:43

I should have added there was definitely no affair.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 22/02/2016 11:48

If you block someone on Facebook, you don't remain friends.

If DH's friend had blocked her, they wouldn't be mutual friends when he unblocked her.

Ginkypig · 22/02/2016 12:07

Same thought same time flamingtoaster!