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Original poster

Contacted by someone claiming to be DH OW

424 replies

Glitterunicorn · 21/02/2016 09:50

A woman has been contacting me over the last month on Facebook messenger telling me how my husband has been cheating me.

Everytime I have received the messages I seem to get immediately blocked or the profile gets deleted so I can't message back. I thought it was just someone messing about.

She has been really quite vague but I have managed to message this person this morning and get a response. She has sent a copied and pasted version of Facebook messages from my husband to her. It seems that he has been chasing her to meet up.

My husband is at work until this afternoon so I will speak to him when he comes back.
I wanted screen shots but she won't send them to me. Should I confront my husband without proper proof?

My husband does work away and the messages do correspond with when he was away last before Xmas.

OP posts:
choceclair123 · 21/02/2016 23:39

Could the mystery FB messenger have name changed? If you get chance could be worth looking at the "about" details in the FB profile as usually says "male or female" and sometimes shows original name used at set up. I doubt you've been blocked as you can't reblock within 48 hours of unblocking. More likely they have temporarily deactivated the account. Could be a second account they hardly use...

Could this FB person just be the "messenger" and not OW (if there is one)! You could always set up another FB profile yourself for a snoop.

shutupandshop · 21/02/2016 23:40

I've flicked through the thread. Its clearly bollocks. Do what you need to and put it out of your head.

iwuddarryl · 22/02/2016 00:06

OP, at this stage it seems like he's completely innocent.

But for your own piece of mind, I think from now on you need to be on the ball about things like future trips away.
So, you need to get involved socially with his work colleagues - to ensure the 'he's' are actually 'he's' and not she's.

I feel you have been too complacent in his whereabouts till now.

TendonQueen · 22/02/2016 00:31

It's a troll. It could only be more trolly if the profile pic on the Facebook page was me a goat trip-trapping over a bridge.

sykadelic posted a very good list of four fake flags. I'd add to that: 5) why all the messing about with blocking and unblocking if this is someone who wants to spill the beans about infidelity? If they really wanted to tell, they could have just told - and provided evidence - by now. The fact they haven't gives away the fact they can't give proof. It's a non-existent affair. The notion that she can't give his phone number is laughable. Actually, add 6): she apparently doesn't know his number, presumably only communicates with him by Facebook - where his profile pic is a family portrait - yet said she 'didn't know' he was married.

This is all deliberately vague because its sole purpose is to worry you, OP. Who knows why. You may never know. But by giving it any credence, you are letting this person win. Don't.

UterusUterusGhali · 22/02/2016 02:26

Could it be a bar person?
They'd have seen the friend's & dh's full name on the card receipts.
It could be some kinda long-game scam.
Or just a twat. Or another workmate.

Dontdrinkandfacebook · 22/02/2016 03:47

I have a second fb profile. It has no information on it at all. No photos, no friends, nothing except a fake name and it was set up with a second email address I opened just for that purpose.

If I were having an affair with your DH (or someone I knew was) and I wanted to tip you off, this is the type of account I would set up to do it with. Not a profile with fake pictures of someone else, fake friends and a handful of fake posts to set the scene. What would be the point of that? It's unnecessary window dressing.

Unless I was a professional troll who enjoyed having an alter ego and messaged lots of people in this manner. The irony is that is this is just a regular person with truthful info to give you, (about herself or an OW that she knows) she doesn't need to make her anonymous account look like anyone 'real' and she'd surely be volunteering some more background info to validate her story.

Just a bunch of sporadic one-liners saying 'your husband is cheating on you' doesn't sound very believable to me.

partialderivative · 22/02/2016 06:05

iwuddarryl Sun 21-Feb-16 10:02:01
No matter how much proof you have, be prepared for him to try and convince you that the OW is
a) deranged
b) obsessive
b) stalker
not forgetting
c) ugly
d) not my type
e) only a friend

Either one,or all of these ' deflecting phrases' will fly from his lying mouth I'm afraid.

iwuddarryl Sun 21-Feb-16 10:09:50
OP if it walks like a duck, looks like a duck and quacks like a duck,
It's a duck.

It's an affair.

Sorry.

And lots of other posts from iwuddarryl...

You sound like a nasty piece of work

Abed · 22/02/2016 06:34

Wait, there's people still telling the OP that her DH is having an affair?

It's clearly bollocks but the bloke will not be able to do nothing right according to some PP, they'll just nitpick over something else.

Thefitfatty · 22/02/2016 06:55

I feel like I'm reading an episode of Catfish. I for one think the husband is telling the truth. My account is super tight now, but I used to get random ads from men and women looking to "meet up" and "Hi my name is Candy and I'm really interested in getting to know you better."

One crazy guy was even "I saw you at Pizza Express with your friends on Thursday..." and he was right, I was at Pizza Express that Thursday but I have no recollection of seeing that guy there. He either got my name from my debit slip, or asked one of my friends or went through FB people living in my area (small place) looking for a picture. He even contacted friends after I blocked him asking them to tell me to talk to him. I finally had to threaten him with the police. Thing is there were no actual pictures of the guy on his FB, he had 1000's of friends and it was all just bloody weird.

If the pub your DH goes to is that small then undoubtedly the staff and maybe even some of the regulars know is name, all someone has to do is ask.

As for why? Who the hell knows. There are some sad, sad people in the world.

iwuddarryl · 22/02/2016 08:44

The fact you feel the need to re-read all my posts and then quote them back at me, (now that's an example of being nasty) says more about you than me.

The OP has asked for opinions, we have given them.

iwuddarryl · 22/02/2016 08:44

To partial.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 22/02/2016 09:18

darryl You do seem very invested in this thread. You've posted multiple times, usually on the same theme.

FWIW OP I'm usually of "don't be stupid, he's cheating" variety. But on this occasion, I think it's a troll and he's innocent. There's too much weirdness and it would take a huge amount of foresight for your DH to set up his friend as a get-out clause with such a kooky backstory.

I think the person (male or female) works in the pub, saw his name on his credit card, and either fancied him or is trying to get revenge for some perceived slight. As she did to your H's friend.

iwuddarryl · 22/02/2016 09:23

Have been cheated on in the past and exh always had an excuse for everything, which I used to believe.
I expect it has influenced my responses to the OP.

Is all.

iwuddarryl · 22/02/2016 09:25

I won't post ant more.
I hope everybody's right and the ops husband is telling the truth.
I'm sure he is.

Original poster
Glitterunicorn · 22/02/2016 09:50

Ive heard back from the gf. She's been quite open and said it caused a huge shit storm between them as the troll told her the same as me they met a the pub on the same day and they were messaging when he was away and she had screen shots as proof. The messages were quite flirty and she was convinced she was real. She also knew some personal information and she still didn't trust him 100% as he denied ever meeting her.

I've also woken up to a few messages from the troll from the middle of the night and she has provided me with my DH mobile number.

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 22/02/2016 09:53

Plot thickens.

However, you're being a bit vague yourself, OP. You don't really disclose the content of the messages so not sure what further advice can be given.

AnyFucker · 22/02/2016 10:00

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starry0ne · 22/02/2016 10:00

I think both these men know her...

I am guessing he blocked her immediately after telling her he didn't know her...

Both these blokes are involved...

goodnightdarthvader1 · 22/02/2016 10:13

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icanteven · 22/02/2016 10:16

I think that at this point, your DH needs to report it to his employer. It sounds like a really small company, and his work is the only common denominator here, unless he is good friends with his colleague and they share a social group outside work.

If somebody is harassing the partners of two employees, it should be reported to the owner of the company, or HR if it's big enough to have a HR person, and they should take steps either publicly or privately.

I don't see any reason to engage further with this person yourself.

Gobbolino6 · 22/02/2016 10:16

If this is real, then I'd say on balance it is now more probable that both these men know who this person is than that they don't.

AgathaF · 22/02/2016 10:16

What an odd and unsettling situation.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 22/02/2016 10:16

If she's provided you with your DH's mobile number, their story falls apart, doesn't it?

You said his profile is locked down, and he's very private, so his number won't be on there. So unless your husband contacted her yesterday, after you told him, she wouldn't have his number.

But you're still calling her a troll...

StuffEverywhere · 22/02/2016 10:16

MN should look into organising some writing retreats Grin

Callmegeoff · 22/02/2016 10:17

Not sure what to think,

Is she able to give your Dh's number because he unblocked her on Facebook and then wasn't able to block her?