Do you know if you're having bad sex?

[FLAMEinEckItsYuleAgain]

Odd conversation with someone the other day... if all you've ever had is bad sex or sex with one person - do you know its bad? Or do you only realise when you get the good stuff?

when i made that 'i didnt realise it was that sort of site' comment i was refering to the banter going on between male/female posters,and it was meant to be a tongue in cheek commentanyway

i dont think i'd have stuck around for the past 5 months if this wasnt such an interesting and diverse site

kitty-is your dp happy for the relationship to continue as it is?has he ever been in love?i only ask cos i had a friend who was with somebody for 5 years,and he said right from the start that he would never love her cos he'd loved his ex-wife and shed hurt him etc etc and he would never put himself in that position again.she was ok with it after a while cos she was sure he must love her cos he acted like he did,but i still to this day cant understand how she put up with it,i would need somebody to act like they love me and tell me they did every day.

x-posts,kitty,its good that ur talking more about things now

moss-'mums have sex too dont they?'thats what got us into this position in the first place,isnt it?

Diva I don't know what you're talking about, Mine was a turkey baster jobbie!!! - how very dare you!!

I remember watching brookside donkey's years ago and one girl became a surrogate mum using a turkey baster Mossy is that how it's done in Liverpool then ?

hi maybe i am supersensitive then;
just been certain vibes & comments i get here and there and ....-
on the very first night i posted someone was told off in no uncertain terms that this was not the place for this! it intriqued me a bit, as sex is surely the first thing we all had in common (turkey basters excepted of course)!

sexkitty i think great leap forward, and i bet it felt like a huge weight of your tiny chest!
causing talking can break tension and habit of situation and he is giving something, saying why it dont work for him and thats really positive i'd say..good work girl x

am glad you guys enjoy these threads, me too

Kitty lol! Yes, we don't do sex up here, unless you are under the age of 14.

kitty lolol me too; i thought Donkey was character from brookshite, (it was BAD in end and bit before then too imo) and just got it!
doh, and i think i remember that storyline too!

I would have thought there was no better place to talk about sex on mumsnet because the one thing most uf have in common in having had sex as we're mothers (barring a few exceptions, vrigin birth, my sister's IVF twins my donor, adoptions etc). Presumably some mumsnetters (10%?) will be lesbian and may be interested in getting into bed with each other. Instead from other threads I get an impression of many women not interested at all prpobably because they've just had babies, and a lot of men shopping around elsewhere leading to loads of adultery and he looks at porn type threads.

It seems that the majority of people don't want to talk about it though, good or bad, very British, not sure about other places.

It's good you had a chat with your husband although ME is presumably unlikely to make anyone very keen on sex. Is that the real problem?

Xenia, it certainly has LOTS of knock on effects, he has insomnia as a consequence and so often feels tired during the day and evening.

talking about talking about it; i think this has been healthy though as i see more threads with questions / statements so must be good..

sexkitty, think the illness must have great bearing on your sexlife and otherwise too
was wondering if doing small things for each other - footmassage, scrubbing back in bath, etc..
something that is intimate but not involving sex itself would help esp during your pregnancy and if insomnia his problem would help relax body / mind before sleep

My sister swears by this book...'Passionate Marriage:Keeping love and intimacy alive in committed relationships' by David Schnarch.

rosylily will check it out at library ta

moss-sorry,i just assumed you'd done the deed.personally,3 of my conceptions were the direct result of excess alcohol consumption,one was a mystery(possibly condom-related)..but this one was defo created in the traditonal (intended!)way.

If someone just does not want sex they sometimes give permission for it to be sought elsewhere. I'm not sure that's a very wise thing to do but people do.

Diva I was only joking! Although towards the end of ttc I'm not sure I would have noticed the difference between that and a turkey baster!!

that's good
I went out with a girlfriend tonight who's marriage has finished and she's having a REALLY shit time, I've come home feeling quite grateful

it was meant to be a sarcastic 'sorry'...i have a warped sense of humour.i didnt really think you'd used a turkey baster

Hehe, I wasn't 100% sure whether or not you knew I was messing, people have strange ideas about us lot "oop North" you know with our big ears and "close families"!!!!

sexkitty..hope night out was good for you too!
are you feeling better about things in general?
hope so x

I am feeling a bit better thanks Suzy. I have the next few months to try and sort my relationship out with dp and change the way I feel about us and then hopefully the sex will be ready when the baby belly has gone that'll be never then . Well most of the baby belly anyway!

er yeh i know that baby belly one still lurking here and no excuse anymore for me! its like fixture and fittings now!

its sounds like you are on the road to sort it out and really hope you guys do

kitty-you could always ask him if he would be willing to pay for surgery so you could lose your baby belly faster
its good you managed to enjoy a night out.i admire your ability to stay awake

moss-i know im a southerner but i am familiar with the ways of the north now having been here for nearly 10 years.and i live in a place where there are some(ahem)very close families

Diva hehe yes round here our local George at Asda sells six-fingered gloves

Kitty I'm really glad to hear you might be on the way to sorting things out.