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Original poster

Do you know if you're having bad sex?

550 replies

FLAMEinEckItsYuleAgain · 30/12/2006 14:52

Odd conversation with someone the other day... if all you've ever had is bad sex or sex with one person - do you know its bad? Or do you only realise when you get the good stuff?

OP posts:
sexkittyinwaiting · 04/01/2007 19:43

Did he know that you were aware of him doing it suzy? Did you mind?

sexkittyinwaiting · 04/01/2007 19:44

Sorry I meant xenia, brain's fried

HappyDaddy · 04/01/2007 20:11

I'm lucky, if DW isn't up for it she usually tells me I should have a play in bed, while she sleeps! I don't, though, but it's cool that she's so free about it.

howtojumphim · 04/01/2007 20:22

hey happydaddy and suzy surely you two have some advice on the how to make my move thread.

Go on, you know you want to.........

Surely two confident sexually liberated people such as you can help in my situation

Pretty pretty please.........

suzycreamcheese · 04/01/2007 21:13

what exactly is your problem, then?

divastrop · 04/01/2007 22:07

kitty-why would it be you who had to go,may i ask?i know youre not married but if you were im sure oyu would be entitled to the house...wouldnt it be easier for a man on his own to find somewhere else to live?

sexkittyinwaiting · 04/01/2007 22:29

Diva, it's because the house and garden are far too much for me to deal with without him. It takes alot of work and he's very good at doing it, it's part of his job. I would really like to move closer to the kids' school so that we could walk there and tbh if we split I would like a fresh start.

divastrop · 04/01/2007 22:40

...i really hope things dont get to that point.it seems such a shame when youve been together all that time.

sexkittyinwaiting · 04/01/2007 22:53

Well I hope that too Diva. I am aware that my personality lends itself to negativity and depression and I react very much to how I feel at that particular moment not to how things might really be. Actually i'm reading another cbt book which is better than the one we've got. It's bigger, but makes more sense.
I do know that we need to actually get one with each other for a decent period of time before the sex can start up again. Feeling like a beached whale isn't helping. It doesn't make me feel sexy

Judy1234 · 04/01/2007 23:01

Yes, I was aware. No I didn't mind. I'm quite happy to have sex every 2 or 3 days and he'd want it every day so I saw that as a compromise. I can't see any point in men sneaking into the toilet to do it or whatever they do. But I wasn't happily married a lot of the time so I am not really the best person to talk about this stuff anyway.

how to jump - not sure of your question. If you have someone who isn't interested and you want to make him so - is that the question? Anecdote about French wife I read recently....wife learns husband having affair with local woman. What does she do? Gets all dressed up in sexy underwear, arranges to meet husband, seduces him and all is well. I thought that was rather Gallic.

fortyplus · 05/01/2007 00:06

I've definitely changed as I've got older. When I was in my 20s I was more up for it than dh - but these days he's more keen than me. Can usually be persuaded after a glass of wine, though!

suzycreamcheese · 05/01/2007 12:35

glad to hear that 40 plus

sexkitty..keep hanging in there..

lazyanna · 05/01/2007 14:47

I wouldn't mind finding a way of stopping DH sneaking into the toilet, or whatever!

sexkittyinwaiting · 05/01/2007 14:59

Why is that lazyanna? Can I ask what it is that bothers you about it? I'd feel pleased if dh actually showed any signs of having sexual needs. I'm beginning to think it has dropped off

lazyanna · 05/01/2007 15:27

I just think it's yukky, and I would rather he didn't do it.

expatinscotland · 05/01/2007 15:30

His masturbating is 'yukky'?

Judy1234 · 05/01/2007 15:36

Does that mean you don't masturbate either?
There are such differences between people, aren't there? No such thing as normal. It's fascinating.

happyatlast · 05/01/2007 16:24

I have had about 30 different sexual partners in my life, am 32 now, and I've had baaaaaad sex, and good sex but when I've been with someone who tends to be shite I just take the lead, and do what I need to do, my last ex, my sons dad was fantastic in bed, and I thought I would never get anybody better but my current dp is even better, first guy to ever get me to orgasm through sex and not just oral, bloody fantastic. I think if sex is shit its cos you both are shit, if you think its shit, then do something to make it not so shit.

lazyanna · 05/01/2007 16:41

"I think if sex is shit its cos you both are shit"

Thank you for that.

divastrop · 05/01/2007 16:43

i think the sneaking would bother me more than the masturbating tbh

kitty-what is the new book youre reading?that one we got was ok but im finding it really hard work,which is having the opposit effect as i think im too crap to even follow a self-help book

its hard to sort anything out when ur pregnant imo,personally i think you feel more dependant on ur dp/dh,as well as feeling unattractive and the least sexy thing on the planet.see how you feel when the baby is here and ur back in your pre-preg clothes

ipodthereforipoor · 05/01/2007 16:49

that sounds harsh but I think it has some truth.

My new man keeps saying he's been told by ex's that he's crap in bed - but so far, that has not been my experience of him. However, i am quite determined to make this a very different experience for him and me. I have found myself making more of an effort and being much more proactive to make out new relationship meet both our needs. If I just let things happen with out making an effort then I suspect, yes it would be bad sex, but by working on things together it will, hopefully, when we get there, be great sex

happyatlast · 05/01/2007 16:59

lazyanna surely its common sense that one? It does take two in my opinion to make the sex good, if hes not turning you on you wont be in the mood to turn him on and vice versa so both will perform poorly, thats all I meant.

lazyanna · 05/01/2007 18:05

My point is that I am not interested, and don't understand why other people feel I should be so strongly.

sexkittyinwaiting · 05/01/2007 18:20

Happyatlast, I think it's more complicated than that. One partner might be very interested but the other too shy/lazy/selfish/stuck in their ways etc.
Some men are only interested in their own satisfaction and it becomes a real struggle to get them to do any decent foreplay or to pleasure their partner. If getting sexual satisfaction becomes a struggle and you have to really work at it all the time then I would say that tha's crap sex.
I too have had alot of sexual partners and I know that their are some who are just more uninhibited than others. I have been with ones who are shy and I've put the effort in, it made little overall difference and I got fed up after a long while. Sex should be equal give and take.

Diva, I'll email that book title to you

ipodthereforipoor · 05/01/2007 20:50

lazyanna - if you aren't interested thats fine - but why shouldn't he have a wank if he wants one?!