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Original poster

Do you know if you're having bad sex?

550 replies

FLAMEinEckItsYuleAgain · 30/12/2006 14:52

Odd conversation with someone the other day... if all you've ever had is bad sex or sex with one person - do you know its bad? Or do you only realise when you get the good stuff?

OP posts:
suzycreamcheese · 05/01/2007 21:03

sexkitty you sound all positive and go getting girl prrrrr me like it
lots of action here ladies and dinner just done..on dodgy connection thank you talk talk will try catch up later ..

Judy1234 · 05/01/2007 21:11

la, that's fine if you're happy with it but sometimes people aren't interestsed because of a health problem rather than just being natural born paid up asexuals so you needto decide what category you're in and if your other half is more interested then that's a major problem you both have to work on.

divastrop · 05/01/2007 21:19

kitty.i had you down as some sort of virtous,nun-type person

lazyanna-if ur man isnt allowed to wank and isnt getting any sex,where is it meant to go?

divastrop · 05/01/2007 21:20

i mean the seed btw-dont men start to suffer after a while if they dont have any 'release'?

sexkittyinwaiting · 05/01/2007 21:45

I that case my dp must be in real trouble .
Before I had kids I was a right old slapper. I like sex. I really like the feeling of wholeness it gives me. For some strabge reason I have always had a tendency to choose men who have some sort of hang up about it. It's not like I interview them before hand and ask "Do you have sexual hang ups to to penis size, sexual performance, religion, mother complex....?" But I tell you what of ever I should find myself in a situation to choose another partner I bloody well WILL ask that question and if they are in anyway troubled in that area it will be a no go. They can be the most super bloke going but I want a bloke who is up for it AND is prepared to act on his urges. I've had enough, talk about crappy sex choices .

suzycreamcheese · 05/01/2007 21:55

well said sexkitty!...
its difficult to know sometimes about men / love but my mum thought my generation lucky as much more freedom to live w/ speciman and find out this stuff; compatabile, lazy sod, dinner on table at 5 and walk behind me... than in her day
think i have just been lucky w/ dr cc; thought it was love w/ beautiful rich boy who was a bit of cold fish sexually and no big urges and passion or mad stuff fortunately he finished w/ me or i could've been with some who had no intention or thought of satisfying me which is a big thing to me..

sexkittyinwaiting · 05/01/2007 21:58

Well Suzy, it certainly seems like you've hit the jackpot this time

suzycreamcheese · 05/01/2007 22:03

and again and again
couldnt do better i reckon

divastrop · 05/01/2007 22:19

i dont know if thats the case,i just thought their balls went all big if they dont come for ages?or do they start having wet dreams again?i'd ask dp but then he'd wonder what the hell thread i'm posting on

kitty-does your dp not come on mn anymore?

divastrop · 05/01/2007 22:20

i didnt mean that to sound like it did..ive had a glass of wine

suzycreamcheese · 05/01/2007 22:25

i dont know either diva, but also think this is case..they need to be set free!
i've had a bit of wine too incase you're interested!

Judy1234 · 05/01/2007 22:28

I thought men and women both really had to orgasm every few days but I'm obviously wrong.

Judy1234 · 05/01/2007 22:28

...actually that must be wrong as celibate priests and nuns aren't supposed to do either.

suzycreamcheese · 05/01/2007 22:32

the church are law unto themselves i think..

it could be true that women need to too, need to ask around, but suppose just not dinner table talk...yet...!

Judy1234 · 05/01/2007 22:43

Trying to remember longest drought period and just can't remember. Bound to be around the time of giving birth and breastfeeding.

suzycreamcheese · 05/01/2007 23:00

me too; we had big separation right at start of relationship which was very good for fantasy,thoughts all saved up for reunion etc..would actually recommend it!

Monkeytrousers · 06/01/2007 00:31

"Do you know if you're having bad sex?"

Punchlines on a virtual postcard please??

sexkittyinwaiting · 06/01/2007 08:45

so glad this thread is still running

Diva, dp only tendsto come on if I'm in a fight .
He used to have a read before he went to bed, don't know if he still does though. I don't suppose he would like what is on here

Rosylily · 06/01/2007 10:07

Actually I think I don't have 'bad' sex, just less good sex at times, which isn't a bother. If I'm not in the mood, I still have no problem accomodating my loved one. The only time he has no chance is if he's really p*ssed me off about something. But I guess it must be harder for a man to perform if he isn't 'in the mood'
Also, I can say that if your dh is away from you alot and very lazy he would have alot of wet dreams.

sexkittyinwaiting · 06/01/2007 10:20

Rosy, I wonder if we lived separately then we would actually have more sex. Well it would actually be impossible to have less . Because of dp's ME he has always slept in his own room. It used to really bother me, but now I couldn't really imagine having to share my bedroom with anyone. The problem with that is that sex can never be really spontaneous and there's never a chance of morning sex, which I really like.

Rosylily · 06/01/2007 10:46

When I'm in an 'off' phase it wouldn't occur to me to bother if dh didn't rudely make a pass at me every now and then.

A while back dh went off the boil for a year or so, after he was made redundant. Although in every other way that was a really nice time of our relationship when we were living together. So being apart probably does keep things fresher but only certain types of people can survive that kind of relationship?...we are all so different.

So Kitty I do think it would be worth exploring all sorts of ideas and doing some lateral thinking about your relationship. It would be great if you can work out a way of improving things while hanging onto what you already have, which is alot. I have a beautiful friend who has been a single mum for 11 years and only had 1 brief affair in that time....

Anyway its amazing how things can change and 'now' wouldn't be a good time for making decisions! You are going to be falling in love with a new man in 2 months time

Rosylily · 06/01/2007 10:57

oops should say can make that kind of relationship survive...don't think most people die in a long distance relationship

suzycreamcheese · 06/01/2007 12:13

sexkitty.. we can start another if this one disappears; i also do sense general disapproval of frank airing of these aspects of life, am i supersuzysensitive on this do you think? 'its not that sort of website' haha tis now!

sk, could be the excess hormones too? i was very horny pregnant at your stage and think was for comfort too that i craved, vunerable state physical and mental to be in, need mega reassurance i feel
when you are ready sit him down, or make surprise morning tada visit! and tell him it must change, you are not happy. amazingly it may work...just really hope it sorts out for you

sexkittyinwaiting · 06/01/2007 12:31

Suzy, I have found this thread amazingly comforting. Especially now I have my new name . Do you think there are some disapproving peeps around? well if there are I don't understand it, sex and its associated probs are incredibly important. I think the English are not too good at talking about these things though, so you're probably right in your thinking.

I actually had a big, but pretty calm chat with dp about it all this morning. It was more about our whole realationship and he said he felt I didn't treat him as an individual but as a 'utility' and that he gets basically turned off by that. He said also that if I demand sex and affection from him it will have the opposite effect.
He said he doesn't ever get sexually frustrated and has nevr had a sexy dream, God that's bizzare isn't it?

He said he didn't think we were ever destined for hours of orgasmic heaven but that we could have a decent enough time. I said he didn't know that. Once the kids were older and we had more time and energy... He didn't rule it out. He said it would be good to have morning sex but that is was difficult becasue of the ME.
Well, at least we've had a chat and I feel I've got something off my tiny chest !!

3rdTriMossTer · 06/01/2007 12:41

Kitty I'm absolutely made up you had a chat and at least it is out in the open with him now. I hope it starts to improve for you

Suzy I hope people aren't disapproving of being frank about things, I know it is Mumsnet but Mums have sex too don't they? This thread has helped me a lot too.