I did it. Hes been arrested

[Means2anend]

Just need to talk i posted a while ago about abusive boyfriend. He slapped me a few times tonight in front of our son and i called the police and hes been arrested. Ive never reported him before but i just knew this was my chance to get out.
So the police have just left and advised me to stay in a hotel tonight till the dv people can call me tomoro.
I just needed to tell someone, ive got no friends and dont want to tell my family right now.
Any advice on important things to do/pack now and what to do going forward would be good if anyone can help

Make yourself a cuppa, lovey, and come back here so that we can discuss what you need to do first thing.

OP you're doing so well. You're an amazing example to your little boy. I'm here if you need a hand to hold.

Keep posting, lots of wise posters around who will be able to help you with what you need to do.

dv helpline and police both said no refuges available till the morning. I have links to housing dept so was trying to avoid ringing out of hours. Ive packed up now will have a think about what else i need to do.

And thankyou again everyone. Ive been lurking on here for ages seeing people in this position and praying one day id be able to do it. Police man said it will get harder before it gets better and i wasnt reallybsure how to take that. I wish he would just agree to split and do the right thing for our boy but i know he wont

This is just to say that I'm beyond furious that the police have apparently told you that you are 'high risk' but have left you to fend for yourself knowing full well that you have young dc and it's the middle of the night ffs!!!

Wtf are they thinking? Right, I've got that off my chest and now I'll put my mind to what you'll need to do to get the fuckers off their arses this a.m - as in when it's daylight and commuters are on their way to work.

I think im making the police sound bad. They were lovely they said they can help me get to hotel but i just wanted to get them out so i could get my head sorted and my stuff packed by myself. Theybsaid dv team should call me tomorrow but i should can helpline again and see if they can tomoro to see if they can refer me aswel.

Urgh sorry my typing so bad its the phone honest!

Bloody well done.

Everything is replaceable but it makes life easier to have important documents, passports, phone, charger, electrical items (iPod, iPad, kindle, computer, whatever), work clothes, comfort items, anything with sentimental value, jewellery, wash bag, make up, photos, a few outfits, shoes.

Things are replaceable, you two are not.

Are you in a major city, OP, and are you due at work later today/tomorrow?

Im not due in work tomorrow so dont need to worry about that just yet. Will need to have a serious think about what im going to do about work though but il save that for another day.
Ive locked door and put case in front of it. Made son a packed lunch for tomorrow so wont need to think about that.
I just found some important documents that i was supposed to complete for boyf cos i do all his paperwork. Just sat down to fill them in and mark where he needs to sign and then thought FUCK IT not my job any more. Feels good. Just hope im not going to regret this

Means2anend what an incredibly strong and brave person you are. You've done the right thing for you and your child.
Now to get practical, as others have said get together things like passports, birth certificates, your DS red book, bank statements and any utility bills etc in your name.

I'm sure you've packed clothes already but don't forget flannel, toothbrush, little towel.
A notebook and pen/pencils for taking notes as a lot of info will (hopefully) be given to you over the next few days.
Phone chargers etc.

If you feel at all worried tonight don't hesitate to call the Police station for support.

Having worked in the Police previously I know it's not always as simple as them just giving you money to get a hotel or finding somewhere st short notice but it sounds as though they are doing their best, although I know it must be frustrating and terrifying for you.

Does anyone know about tenancies? My mum was the rent guarantor a few gears ago when he got the tenancy. It had a clause that said she would remain guarantor while he remains the tenant. So if he stops paying rent (which he will) is she going to end up having to pay his rent? He ls on a rolling tenancy now

What is there to regret? You've been living with a violent and abusive man who has been an appalling role model for your ds. Isn't it better to quit while you're still alive ahead and take steps to ensure he can't get to you?

The only regret you'll have is not getting out sooner.
It may sound cliche but today is the first day of the rest of your life. The next few days and weeks will be hard but stay strong and know you've done the right thing.

Always dancing thankyou. Have all that stuff packed. Good idea about notepad.
Pc just text me to see if im at hotel yet so have replied explaining what station told me. I think he thinks im going to stay and take him back but im not

There was a post on that very subject recently and, from what I recall, the consensus of opinion was that when the initial tenancy agreement became a rolling tenancy the need for a guarantor became obselete.

Nevertheless, let's put that one on the back burner for now and I'll check it out fully tomorrow so that you can alert your dm if necessary.

I'm not an expert on tenancies but if you know (or can find paperwork with) the landlord or agents details, contact them ASAP to explain the situation. Contact Shelter tomorrow for advice. Website is Shelter.org.uk

Are you near enough to a cashpoint machine that you can get get some cash out when dc has woken up and return to give them breakfast leaving the washing up in the sink before leaving for safe accomodation?

WD OP! A brave and determined first step.

Re docs - totally agree with everything other posters : passports, birth certs, bank account details / cards etc. Maybe change ur passwords on ur solving media or other sites just in case??

Re the tenancy, I don't know much but it sounds like ur mum should seek legal advice to be on safe side. I'm wondering if her guarantee/tor is for a set period - do if it's rolled over for 'x' amount of time she may be released? But it's more than possible she could be stuck with the liability. Definitely advise ur mum - I'm sure she would rather know what's going on and help you and her grandson in what is without question a traumatic time.
Good luck and warmest thoughts with hugs and a brew.
ATB
A

It's good the PC is following up.
Do you have somewhere to go early in the morning? I think you should get out of the house as soon as you can really.

So glad to hear you have made the decision to leave this situation, we'll done for calling the police.

Yes your right i should worry about rent etc another day. For now i have all docs passports clothes toys comforters charger etc all the essentials. Im aiming to be out by 7am but not sure where we will go? Can i go to a hotel at that time and stay for the whole day? I dont think il be able to sleep tonight staying here but better for son to get some rest before his whole life gets turned upside down tomorrow.

Are you in a major city? If you're in a less populated area it will have a bearing on what I would advise you to do.

You may not be able to check in to the hotel until 2pm or whatever. But many have a lounge area where you can wait and somewhere to store luggage.

Alternatively, are you in a city or near a large station?
For example in London the main train stations have 'left luggage' where you could store your bags for a few hours while you get sorted.

Hotel check in times are usually 12 noon or later; if you check in earlier you may find you're required to pay for last night but don't worry as I don't believe you need to spend money on hotel accomodation.