Husband working away with female colleague, would you be ok with this?

[baubloxx]

My husband’s current project involves him staying away 4 nights a week in a hotel and a woman from his team does the same. He has always told me that they have dinner together but at the weekend dropped in ‘we watched that’ about a TV programme then said that sometimes they watch TV together in one of their rooms.

I didn’t say anything at the time but have been thinking about it since and the more I do the more I don’t like it. I trust him that he wouldn’t do anything and sees this as innocently keeping each other company but spending every evening together, sometimes in a private hotel room feels too intimate. Am I being silly or would this bother other people?

...and I value the fact that my husband doesn't cross such inappropriate boundaries!

inappropriate boundaries!

In your opinion not in others.

Yes, and that is what we are discussing on the thread. If you are happy for that to happen in your relationship then 'go nuts...'

I don't agree at all that Magical's posts suggest that she is the one keeping those men at bay.

She wrote showing that those supposed temptresses may not be at all.

It also showed that most men she has worked with are not the type to lead on to an affair with her either.

I thought it was pretty clear.

She mentioned the subordinate.. And said that's a reason not to go there... What makes her think he would go there anyway?! It's presumptuous.

Ghost - absolutely. How many times have we seen threads in Relationships where a woman is concerned that her partner or husband says she can't do something or he won't allow them to do something, or spend time with someone. Up goes the cry of "that's controlling behaviour, it's not on, that's a red flag, leave the bastard, no one has the right to tell their partner they can't do something"

Apparently, it's OK to control your partner in certain circumstances or if your female.

Seth if you are getting at that is what I do then you can forget it because it's not the case. It can't be when it is the same rule for both of us. If he doesn't like it he knows where the door is. Be careful throwing around terms like controlling behaviour.

Wardy YOU are equally being presumptious by controlling your partner and telling him he couldn't socialise with a woman on a one-to-one basis, because you must, by logical argument, presume that either
a) your husband has no self control when it comes to being alone with a woman; or
b) any woman left alone with your husband will throw herself at him so you don't want him to be able to rebuff such an advance - or that you think a) would apply if she did

No need for the sceptical face Wardy1993 it's just an expression. If everyone's happy then that's fine. I was just saying that it's one relationship model out of many and way over the other side of the spectrum from mine.

If my other half thought so little of me they they felt the need to forbid me from being alone in a hotel room with somebody then I guess, that for me that relationship is in real trouble.

Yes, she may be choosing not to go there (or intending to go there), but it doesn't mean that she's even presuming they are after her.
I do think you are biased in the reading.

I think it's a case of it being 'that's so inappropriate, neither of us would even think of doing it, do you know what I mean? Maybe this is a leaning curve for me, I honestly couldn't imagine being in a relationship where that would be OK. As for you Seth, so what if I think that?! It's that way or he can leave, simple as

All the men certainly don't want me. I'm glad they don't - that sounds rather strenuous!

My direct superior, for instance (a man with whom I've travelled to remote backwaters where there was really nothing to do after work except get drunk at the bar) is very happily married and completely devoted to a brilliant woman and wouldn't touch me with a barge pole even if I were even remotely interested (I'm not - he's lovely but not my type). Incidentally, I do know his wife and we like each other.

And, yes, I do understand why some women might find it uncomfortable to have halfway attractive women working alongside their husbands. But I absolutely disagree about the boundaries. It's the husbands' duty of care to ensure their marriages remain intact - not mine. I protect my career and my reputation with my boundaries. I'd expect my male colleagues to do the same - and to include their relationships likewise if they're not available.

It just strikes me as odd to think of workplace relationships the way your post suggests, Tingon. Surely if I though a female co-workers boundaries were the only thing keeping my OH from straying the problem would be my OH and not whichever whore or virgin happened to work at the desk next to his?

Wardy I don't care whether your husband agrees with your stance on not spending time with a member of the opposite sex. I don't have a problem with that if you are both happy with it and good for you. But you didn't say that you wouldn't like it, you actually used the words that you won't ALLOW. They are very different things and you know it. Any man who threw that around on here about a situation about a woman would get short shrift.

What sort of hotel are they staying at?

Most of the ones I e stayed at only have a bed so if you want to watch to in the room, you would have to at least sit on the bed.
Of its a nicer hotel with a sofa, it would feel different iyswim.

Having said that, I would t invite someone in my room to watch to unless I was really comfortable with them. Man or woman.

So sue me.

Yes, I think I'm inclined to agree with you Dr Seth.

It would also be interesting to know how many of the posters who wouldn't be comfortable with their partners being alone in a hotel room with someone will admit that they aren't comfortable because if they were in the same situation they might cheat? Because that's what we're saying isn't it? That if two people are alone in a hotel room then the opportunity has presented itself and that's all it takes.

I agree with magical stance too.
It's a good way to look at work relationships.

Oh give over, now you're just stirring shit

So sue me.

If that happened to be to me, I'm just pointing out that yours is not the only view about Magical's posts.
As in, it's not her... :)

Sorry sue me wasn't at you it was at Seth. Yes I understand people are allowed to think different things..

I think it's not the fact that they could cheat if they were in a room alone, it's that if he's doing that he's already up to something iyswim

I work away a lot with older, male colleagues and in all the years I've been doing this I would never go into their room or vice versa. Always public so aces. Otherwise that's how misunderstandings can (and would) arise. We go for dinner, or watch tv in the bar, go for a walk etc.

I wouldn't feel comfortable with this at all.

So aces tsk, spaces.

Totally agree magical with your post.

Me Wardy1993? I'm not trying to stir anything. Just interested is all.

I think it depends a lot on circumstances.

Say, they watch tv in the same room every night regardless. Hmmm... I might be worried about them keeping enough boundaries.
But, say, they watch a specific series they both like when it's on. Not so worrying for me, because it would be more about the series than about being together.