Husband working away with female colleague, would you be ok with this?

[baubloxx]

My husband’s current project involves him staying away 4 nights a week in a hotel and a woman from his team does the same. He has always told me that they have dinner together but at the weekend dropped in ‘we watched that’ about a TV programme then said that sometimes they watch TV together in one of their rooms.

I didn’t say anything at the time but have been thinking about it since and the more I do the more I don’t like it. I trust him that he wouldn’t do anything and sees this as innocently keeping each other company but spending every evening together, sometimes in a private hotel room feels too intimate. Am I being silly or would this bother other people?

If some one does actually do something to break a trust then of course that has to be worked through.

If indeed a couple wants to work through it.

I am afraid I can't imagine watching TV with a male colleague in a hotel room. Too intrusive.

It is absolutely not acceptable and completely against all normal business companion protocol or etiquette (if there is such a thing) to go into each other's hotel rooms. Even my female colleagues I would always meet at the bar for a drink.

No there is no such protocol or etiquette! That's a ridiculous thing to say.\And Marchte they were together, of course they would be using the word 'we'. How else would you want them to describe the situation?!

I'd feel a little uneasy about it, unless the tv was in a communal area.

Also, I agree with what Baby G says, regarding the age/nature of the woman.

Not sure what you can do/say about it though.

See, Dad on Ice, I really disagree with that.

I think loads of 'things' start with this very scenario - straight up decent person has nice dinners then nice watching TV together, with interesting new person, starts thinking, hmm, this is nice....

With work trips I can easily go out to dinner with colleagues, but I couldn't imagine watching tv in someone's room.

Hrm, I wouldn't go to a male colleague's hotel room in my own and I've had dinner with plenty of them.

Tbh if I had been working with someone all day and eaten dinner with them, I would most likely want some time apart from them and I would imagine they would feel likewise, so from that perspective it's a bit odd.

I could maybe get it if it was commentate / shout at the telly type stuff, but not e.g. Midsummer Murders.

And we have ended up having a drink in someone's room - as a group, female / male but TV, no.

Of course not saying anything is up but I couldn't imagine it.

Sounds far too cosy for me.

Do you know for sure that they were watching TV together in a room? I've spent a fair bit of time away with different colleagues and on a few occasions have bumped into them into the lounge/bar area and ended up watching TV with them. It can be quite lonely spending time away and sitting in the bar area is a way to have a bit of company even if you aren't specifically sat with someone. If a colleague were to Come and sit next to me I would be quite glad to be honest, and it has never been pre-arranged, just someone who feels I same way I do about boring hotels I guess.

BIWI no need to be so rude about it, not ridiculous in the slightest given that it's based on my experience of travelling at least two weeks a month on business for over eight years. None of us would ever have crossed this line. What experience is your opinion based on?

I wonder if HR would call it ridiculous if the woman made a complaint about a male colleague visiting her room, or where an affair was started in this way that then went on to compromise a working relationship?

There are a lot of implications here.

I wouldn't like it. Also it does seem rather unprofessional

I work away with male colleagues a lot. We occasionally eat dinner or lunch together. We more frequently sit in the bar together (I don't drink). We sometimes watch footy on the telly in a bar together. We frequently - all the time, every trip - do the crosswords together in free time, on the plane (or the Eurostar) and in the bar. We have never ever watched telly in our rooms together. We have never been in each other's rooms. Nor never would we. That would cross a line.

Are they very sociable people in general? And what are the rooms like? When my DP works away it's usually the standard small room dominated by the bed, where you usually have to sit on the bed to watch TV. If it's that kind of set-up I'd certainly be concerned.

I think you should listen to what your instincts tell you. I've seen several threads on here where an OP was chastised for being jealous of her DPs female friend/colleague, then they updated with a confession from the guilty party. Four nights a week in and out of each others hotel rooms? I think you have the right to question him more closely on that at least.

I wouldn't like it
I often travel abroad for 2 week stints and have never or would ever watch tv with a colleague in a hotel room. Bar yes, dinner yes - hotel room no

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I worked in a male environment and, if we were travelling, we would often get together in someone's room to watch a film or do some work. It is boring toddling off to bed at 9 and there's only so much time you can spend in the hotel gym. The idea that it could be seen as inappropriate never crossed my mind. If DH were working away with female colleagues, I would assume it was a similar set up.

I wouldn't mind if he'd told me in the first place. But then Dh would never do that - he'd be happy for the time on his own in the evening. Personally I wouldn't do it either. There are other things to do after dinner on your own - read, phone oh, watch TV, hotel gym, etc etc.

If you are away from home long term week after week with the same people getting out of the bar is no bad thing, who wants to be sitting drinking every night?
Would it bother you if it was a male friend he was watching TV with?

Yes I have sat and watched TV with a male workmate in a hotel room. 10 years on we are still good friends. We have never hid our friendship from anybody.

Tellmemore regards HR getting involved if they are friends why the heck would HR have anything to do with it? Its completely different if friends are happy to watch TV together and if a sleezy so and so goes chapping a womans door.

Damn. I used to work away quite a lot with my job. There was one project where a female colleague and I got back from the client to a hotel as the distance was too far not to stay over. The dining room was unavailable that night due to a private function and so we were told we could eat in the bar - which unfortunately had a load of blokes from the private function noisily watching the football. As my colleague and I wanted to do some work as well, she suggested we went to her room and worked there and order room service. So we did. We sat on chairs at a table and did the work while eating. Afterwards, she put the TV on and we watched something or other and than after that I went to my room.

Sadly, there was no MN in those days, otherwise I'd have known that clearly she was after me, because she was single and in her 30s.

Seriously. Staying in hotels with work can be fucking depressing. No one would bat and eye at two women or two men in one bedroom watching TV. Why is it that so many people seem afraid of opposite sex friendships in almost any way, shape or form.

If a man - or woman - is going to cheat, it's going to happen, as a PP said. What a shame that so many people seem to assume their partners can't control themselves if they aren't chained to their partner.

I would never do this. I can't really articulate why - maybe for the same reasons I wouldn't go into someone's bedroom if I visited their house, I can't quite put my finger on it. I just can't imagine saying to any of my colleagues 'let's watch TV in your room'.

I'm 60 and am hot, sexy as fuck and more than a little delusional.
(Misses point)

There seem to be a few posters on here that see watching tv on their own a hardship. I wouldn't go into a colleagues room. Male or female. I like my own space and I don't need handholding to watch QI.
Its a bit too personal for me.

If a man - or woman - is going to cheat, it's going to happen, as a PP said.

I just don't believe that's true at all. Its as if people actually believe there are 1. cheats - who naturally have a neon sign over their heads.

1. non-cheats - who would never even dream of such a thing.

Most people, most lives, are far more nuanced. I expect DH to stay out of trouble and spending loads of time with another woman in an intimate situation would be trouble for me.

I have worked away 4 nights / week for 12+ years, often with the same group of people for a year or more.

Have spent countless evenings and nights out eating, drinking, coffee-ing, dancing together. I count many as good friends and some attended my wedding.

I can't think of many occasions where a male and female regularly spent time alone in a hotel bedroom unless there was interest from one or both parties.