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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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To not want to go to her birthday anymore?

222 replies

toastandbutterandjam · 10/02/2016 10:23

It was one of my best friends birthdays recently and we are all going out at the weekend to celebrate. She invited me way back before christmas and has recently invited everyone else.

There are about 27 of us going (including me and her). I know nobody else going. We are going for a meal. I asked her where we were going when she invited me and she said she hadn't decided yet. After speaking to the other 25 people, they have decided to go for pizza. My friends know I don't like pizza but I said I will go and have pasta or something similar but she said "there are no pasta meals on the menu, just Pizza. You can order a starter and just eat that." I'm fine with that because it's her birthday, so she can eat where she wants.

I met up with her last week and she said they are going for drinks before and after the meal. I haven't been invited to the pre/post drinks. She said "Oh, can't wait for my birthday,me and (listed other 25 names) are going for pre drinks, will meet you at the restaurant, eat and then me and (listed other 25 names) are going for drinks again after you go home. Don't stay too long will you. When we've eaten the meal, you can go. I'm not coming home with you either because i've planned to stay at (persons) house too, so you're on your own."
I am travelling for two hours to be at her birthday - She lives 2 roads from me (but is having her birthday out somewhere), so I assumed we would go together and travel home together. Me travelling by myself is no problem though.

I feel like such an idiot, travelling for two hours to pay to eat a bowl of potato wedges (or something similar) and then going home again. I will be travelling for four hours in total (two hours each way). I don't drive, so there's no issue with me not being able to drink and I have no reason to be home by a certain time/no kids to look after the next day. I am not one to get drunk anyway, so I probably would have had one or two drinks and then had soft drinks the rest of the evening - she will get drunk so I would have stayed sober so I can help her home etc.

I asked her about it and the friends house she is staying at is literally round the corner from where we both live as well. Her and this friend will both be getting drunk so I said "will you both be okay coming home?" and she went "Yeah, the pre and post drinks are gonna be a right laugh, shame you're not coming, isn't it?"
I am really quite hurt by this (i'm feeling quite sensitive at the momentSad because i've had lots going on and have been struggling to cope - she is aware of this). She is one of my close friends and some of the people coming to her birthday are not people she really likes, they are coming to keep the numbers up - she has said this to me.
I am thinking about not going. I told her that and she just went "WOW! you ABU. Not coming because I haven't invited you to drinks. How shallow. I didn't invite you because we're all getting hammered and you'll just be sitting there like a loser on your own."

She is one of the few people I felt I could trust and now it feels like she doesn't even like me. I always go out of my way to help her out in any way I can. I'm not hurt over the drinks, i'm hurt because it seems like she doesn't want me there at all.

Am I being overly emotional for no reason?

OP posts:
Fontella · 10/02/2016 16:08

They said they feel she (birthday friend) is very misunderstood and my lack of attendance will be really hurtful to her

Misunderstood!?

Shock

She wants you to travel two hours to eat a starter and watch 25 others who have already been out on the piss eat their pizzas, and then fuck off again when they've finished, so they can all go back out on the piss - and you are excluded from both the befores and the afters?

She's not misunderstood love. She's a nasty piece of work.

toastandbutterandjam · 10/02/2016 16:38

Sorry for my late return!

She had the list of people in front of her when she was talking to me, which is why I assume she said them out loud individually.

She didn't call me back, but I bumped into her when I went out. She was on her way to work. She said "My sister said you called. Why? I was asleep", so I said "Yeah, I called, didn't know you were asleep, I just wanted to let you know that i'm not coming to your birthday. I think you were really rude, saying what you said to me, there was no need. If you have any problems getting home etc, please don't call me because I will be busy. I don't want to dampen the mood or ruin your birthday, so I will leave it at that."

She went on and said "It's all over the drinks isn't it? I didn't invite you because that's when we're all going to be taking pictures of each other and I know you wont want to be in them because you have issues with your teeth, so there isn't any point. You are massively overreacting over a few drinks and I think you being ill and ? dying has clouded your judgement. You're not thinking straight. I was thinking of your self esteem."

I just said "To tell me I wasn't invited because of my issues regarding my teeth is really quite rude. If my appearance embarrasses you or whatever, you should have just said it. Please don't make excuses. It will take a long time and alot of painful and extensive treatment but my teeth can and will be fixed . I don't want to be friends with people who are embarrassed by the way I look. Everyone has faults, I don't criticise yours, so don't do it to me. If I treated you this way, would you be okay with it?"

She just said "Yeah, cool. Going work now. I'll say hi if I see you around or whatever."
and off she went.

Turns out, another old friend of hers (I met her a handful of times) hasn't been invited on Saturday either. She messaged me asking if I was going and I just said "No, are you?" and she said "No, not even been invited. She said there's no point to me going because it's too far for me to travel alone."

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 10/02/2016 16:42

That settles it. She IS a teenage bully.

If she does 'say hi' if she sees you around, obviously don't bother saying hi back.

Otherwise, don't even entertain thoughts about her any more. She ain't worth it.

ButEmilylovedhim · 10/02/2016 16:47

Wow! You did well. I would have probably burst into tears. Well, now you know. Drop her, drop her. God forbid she ever looks less than perfect. Aging is going to be touuugh for that one.

OOAOML · 10/02/2016 16:48

I wouldn't expect that level of childish bitchiness from my 12 year old DD's class - hard to believe this person is an adult. I know this must hurt just now, but I don't think she'll be a loss from your life.

CoraPirbright · 10/02/2016 16:50

Crikey - she really is a complete cow, isn't she?! Well done you - it sounds like you did absolutely brilliantly!!

Hissy · 10/02/2016 16:50

Oh thank god you told her to ftfo!

Please delete and block!

She's the loser love!

Oh btw, the teeth won't hurt too much or often, it's worse at the beginning, but it gets easier.
Good for you!

diddl · 10/02/2016 16:55

Well that's that then!

Perhaps you can meet up with the friend who wasn't invited at all at some point?

When you were telling herthat yourteeth can & will be fixed, I thought that you were going to end it with "but you'll always be a bitch!"

She's just full of shit, isn't she?

toastandbutterandjam · 10/02/2016 16:55

I was quite surprised by myself actually. I'm quite reserved and I don't often speak up. It was the "I was thinking of your self esteem" bit that irritated me because i'm perfectly capable of making my own decisionsGrin

I don't need her to say that I can't come because I have low self esteemGrin

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityyhat · 10/02/2016 16:56

Gawd she sounds absolutely dreadful. I'd be embarrassed to be her friend. Now is the perfect opportunity to get shot.

Goingtobeawesome · 10/02/2016 16:57

Well done!!!

And if she does say hi, act like you have no idea who she is. That is her throwing some crumbs to the little person. Bitch.

AlpacaPicnic · 10/02/2016 16:57

You are without a doubt better off without her in your life.

She wasn't thinking of your self esteem, she was thinking of her FB page and she doesn't want someone 'lacking' in them. A true friend wouldn't even see any supposed 'flaws' they would see the friend above anything else.

plantsitter · 10/02/2016 16:59

Yay well done!

toastandbutterandjam · 10/02/2016 17:01

Hissy Fingers crossed teeth don't hurt too much! I'm waiting for extractions and apparently will need a metal bolt kind of thing drilled into the roof of my mouth midway through treatment to straighten everything out Confused

diddl Yeah, might meet up with the friend for coffee or something when she's not at uni! I was actually going to say "but your personality can't"Grin

OP posts:
LovelyFriend · 10/02/2016 17:02

she's a dick.
well done OP!

no73 · 10/02/2016 17:06

Oh well done OP. She really is vile isn't she. I think she has been watching too many american teen drama's and decided to be one of the bitches in those!

teeth can be fixed her personality will be a lot harder to fix. I hope you bump into her in 20 years time and I bet you she'll be haggered looking and friendless.

Littletabbyocelot · 10/02/2016 17:08

I was the 21 year old with rubbish friends and health problems / life events that highlighted that.

It took me so much longer than you to figure out I deserved better. You did brilliantly.

I don't have friends who I've known since I was 3. I do have awesome friends who would do as much for me as I would do for them.

OzzieFem · 10/02/2016 17:18

Why isn't there a smiley with rockets going off? Well done oastandbutterandjam, she just couldn't resist another bitchy comment could she.

Star Wine Flowers Cake Chocolate Star

0hCrepe · 10/02/2016 17:34

Wow I can't believe some people can actually be like that! What a vacuous desperate cow. Don't speak to her again at all. There is no need for this woman to be in your life any longer.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 10/02/2016 17:37

Ah well done. I'm very assertive but I think I wouldn't have done as well with a surprise meeting like that, very brave, you did great.

mintoil · 10/02/2016 17:43

toast will you do me a favour? Will you stay away from this nasty cow, and treat yourself to something nice?

You certainly showed her - self esteem!!!??? I am literally frothing on your behalf!!!

OTheHugeManatee · 10/02/2016 17:47

Well done OP!

LabradorMama · 10/02/2016 17:54

Well done, she sounds an utter bitch and you're better off without her in your life.

Why don't you see what the uninvited friend is doing that night and get together?

StrictlyMumDancing · 10/02/2016 17:59
Star

For what you did and for what you are!

Brilliant.

Doubt it sunk in though, sounds like she has the hind of a hippo. The good thing is though that you'll soon find out who your friends are when some idiots contact you to tell you that you're out of order.

MaidOfStars · 10/02/2016 18:00

OP, you will soon have straight teeth. She, however, will always be a wonky cunt.

Flowers
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